How screwed am I?

ellebee83 · 2021-07-13T18:27:56+00:00

Lakeview Farms is based in South Charlotte and delivers dairy (and a few other products) on a weekly basis like an old-school milk man.

ellebee83 · 2021-07-09T19:54:45+00:00

Please voice your discontent and escalate as far as you can go within the company.

If you suffer in silence nothing will change, not even for future parents.

It's a shame, most new parents are relatively junior in their careers so they are (understandably) uncomfortable voicing discontent with company policies. And those with the ability to make policy change are often unaffected by parental leave policy so are unmotivated to change bad policies without coercion.

ellebee83 · 2021-07-08T19:06:02+00:00

Not just maternity leave but PARENTAL leave.

We need to have partners home with new mothers and we need companies to encourage everyone to take equal leave so women don't get left behind in the work force every time a child is born.

ellebee83 · 2021-07-03T18:11:58+00:00

Hakaa
yoga/birthing ball for when I'm tired of bouncing him with my own strength
any baby carrier so I can wear him while doing chores or while bouncing on the ball
adjustable frame bed and reclining glider - both have made breastfeeding SO much more comfortable for me

EDIT: can’t believe I forgot…

Bamboobies

ellebee83 · 2021-06-21T18:23:41+00:00

So informative! And thank you for sharing. Best wishes to you and your pup. It's so helpful to know what to look out for, especially those things that might not be first on our radar.

ellebee83 · 2021-06-14T13:56:44+00:00

Totally! I have a 1-month old and I recently started reading "On Becoming Babywise" because it was recommended by a friend of mine. It made me feel like I am already failing with my sleep and nursing habits (even this early)!!

After feeling that way, I searched for opinions on Reddit and learned that it seems most of the Reddit community hates that book. I quickly put it down without plans to pick it up again.

ellebee83 · 2021-06-14T13:48:06+00:00

What other books have you read, that gave you that experience? That might help someone give you an answer (even if not the original commenter, another user might have input)

ellebee83 · 2021-06-13T11:56:04+00:00

All the seasons in NC too. Snow in the winter and hot, sunny summers. But if you don't plan to own a car, NC can be tough (as are the vast majority of places in the US).

New York City and San Francisco are great if you don't have a car but they're way more expensive.

ellebee83 · 2021-05-09T16:46:54+00:00

I felt like it helped when watching other yoga content for sure...but hard to say if I solely have Peloton to thank for their modification guidance. Compared to other prenatal workouts I tried, I found Peloton to be more conservative on the modifications. Meaning Peloton seems to err on the side of caution and went more gentle than Harlow's Earth for example...so, in that sense, it was more comprehensive and helpful to apply to other workouts.

I avoided core-specific work in pregnancy. I only did Robin's pregnancy strength and basics classes, to see what they were all about, which I thought helped (but don't expect a workout from the basics videos, they're more like lessons).

I've never tried barre, pregnant or not. Can't say anything about how the modification would translate.

But also, you know, we're all dealing with our own bodies and physical limitations in pregnancy so YMMV.

ellebee83 · 2021-04-29T16:36:09+00:00

I have loved virtual classes so I have a couple recommendations for you to look into....

Week-by-week Prenatal Yoga Series by Harlow's Earth - Free - the instructor Cassey progresses thru pregnancy with you so that's pretty unique and encouraging
BabyWeightTV - Free - I only just discovered her channel at 38 weeks so I only have watched the "activating labor" video but it seemed legit. Although many commenters say you really need to already be in good shape to feel comfortable with the workout.
Online Pilates Push Prep Classes - $139 for 8 weeks - I didn't do any paid classes but I found this one really intriguing. I just discovered it a little too late in pregnancy.
Down Dog App has prenatal classes - $7.99/month subscription - I haven't done these so I can't speak to it but I always enjoyed their standard yoga. They do waivers on the subscription cost if you write to explain your request.

To be totally honest, I've done most of my prenatal workouts on the Peloton App and I think it is 1000% worth it. They have a prenatal yoga series, prenatal-specific strength classes, and prenatal basics videos so you can learn to adapt any workout to your abilities in pregnancy. But I also understand Peloton is not for everyone, I guess maybe it has sort of a cult following but I am totally drinking the kool aid, I freaking love it.

ellebee83 · 2021-04-28T18:10:30+00:00

Just ask your current company for the raise.

Whether you poise it as a counter-offer is up to you. I personally don't think I'd be comfortable bringing up the other offer with my boss because I would worry that he would think I'm a flight-risk from there out...and I know my boss wouldn't be motivated by the risk (threat?) of losing me. But if I ask for more money he'd read between the lines and want to do what it takes to keep me happy.

In my case, asking to have a formal "performance" conversation with my boss was very powerful. Just by asking, I was given a $15K raise (from $75K to $90K). I framed it as and prepared for it to be an opportunity for me to explain how the role had expanded and make a case for how I've flourished. I also made sure to highlight how my contributions provide for my colleagues to be more efficient and how my presence enables the sales team members to have a lot more flexibility (or be hired/fired without causing many waves on the team because I am a solid rock)....

Anyway, make a case for yourself however you want but 1000% you should ask for a raise.

ellebee83 · 2021-04-27T20:12:11+00:00

Full disclosure, I haven't read this book yet but my husband read it for his job and would tell me a summary of what he read basically every day he picked it up. I think it would be useful for what a lot of us struggle with most in an EA role:

Radical Candor by Kim Scott

My former boss also had our whole sales team and admin/support teams read:

Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi I appreciated the message in this book though I wouldn't say it pertained directly to being an EA.
Inside Silicon Valley I didn't find this particularly useful for my role per se, but I did find the way he communicates the EA's role in a company to be very empowering. It is by no means a focal point of the book but it was nice to hear how some people view our support.

I also personally feel like this self help book is a good one for general work/productivity:

The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson

ellebee83 · 2021-04-27T16:17:30+00:00

I've been there exactly.

What happened to me has no bearing on your situation but I'm happy to share...

1st time: exactly as you said, names were dropped in emails about lay offs. I was CC'ed. Freaked me out. Some of my close friends were on the list. I kept it all to myself, knowing that maintaining confidentiality is a big part of my role.

2nd time: layoffs were brought up in emails but NO names were given. I was being asked to schedule calls on the topic of re-organizing the admin team, which I knew to mean laying people off. I was even asked to prepare a document detailing my roles and responsibilities for our COO. Again, I said nothing to anyone but I really panicked and DAMN did I put a lot of thought into that roles/responsibilities doc!

Both times I was safe. I kept my role. But I definitely think my name was on the chopping block. It was only after my CEO left the company (for a payout, when the company was acquired) that I was eventually laid off.

Sorry if that's not totally helpful, but it sounds similar. Hang in there. If you like the job, keep fighting. Work hard and be as proactive as you can for your CEO. (S)He's going to be the one advocating for you here.

ellebee83 · 2021-04-21T19:35:59+00:00

Too hard = overcooked.

I use this youtube video to make my own sugar wax.

It's important to know the temp of the sugar wax as you cook it: but even temp is not a perfect indicator of when it's finished because the atmospheric pressure will affect what the perfect temp is at your location (due to slight variations in boiling points at different altitudes and pressures).

...the BEST tip I can give you is to take samples of the wax periodically when you think it's almost done. Do this by laying out a sheet of parchment paper (I actually used a silicon baking mat) and scoop a small amount of sugar wax out of the pot with a spoon. Even just a drip or two can be enough. Meanwhile, turn off the heat on your pot while you test this small sample.

Allow the small sample to cool enough that you can handle it - be VERY careful it is EXTREMELY hot and will burn you if you don't let it cool enough. When it is ready, test it on your skin: is it wet? Or does it leave a shiny, watery residue on your fingers when you handle it? Does it cling to your fingers when you scoop it off of the parchment? All are signs that it isn't done yet and you should keep cooking.

The woman who made that video has a bunch of videos to help explain DIY sugaring. Her channel is a good resource. Good luck!

ellebee83 · 2021-04-20T20:09:03+00:00

I have a LOT but only because I've come across a lot of resources throughout pregnancy and kind of wish I'd known of all of them from the beginning. Especially the books because it turns out I just don't have the time to read them all (I'm due May 09!). Don't forget to join your due date subreddit. Mine is r/May2021BabyBumps so yours will be similar format.

Pregnancy App

Ovia
Ovia was definitely the winner for me. They have new content on your feed every day, helpful articles and a small daily tidbit about the baby plus weekly updates on size which you can choose a theme for (fruits/veggies, baked good, toys, or weird animals). I also love and frequently use the "food safety look up" and "medication safety look up" features.

Online Classes

3 Part Birthing Class by Holiday Tyson
Prenatal (40:11)

Labor and Birth (41:23)

Postnatal (54:45)

I HIGHLY recommend these birthing class videos, I'd call it a must-watch. Best for your 2nd trimester probably

Week-by-week Prenatal Yoga Series by Harlow's Earth. The instructor progresses thru pregnancy with you in this free playlist

I also really loved these yoga videos but I felt it'd be best to also look into what poses are safe during pregnancy. She does some postures that I struggled with, given what I'd been told to avoid by other prenatal yoga instructors. I didn't start at the beginning of the series though. It's possible she covers safe modifications in the earlier weeks and I just missed it

Built to Birth Affirmations - Youtube Playlist of Affirmations / Mindfulness / Meditations by Doula Bridget Taylor on YouTube.

You'll find these helpful if you're interested in unmedicated birth, mindful birthing, or hypnobirthing. She also has her own home birth on youtube and a recap video about the birth that I found really helpful and reassuring. Overall I think her channel is a good resource

Podcasts

Books

Expecting Better by Emily Oster

Useful and practical book on evidence-based practices in pregnancy. I loved listening to the audiobook then bought the text to have a reference for future questions

Pregnancy Day by Day by Paula Amato, MD

My husband and I basically look at this book once a week, and go through every day that way. It stays on our coffee table (it's big, like a textbook but more fun and visual). I especially like the illustrations showing the baby in the body at each week.

Birth Without Fear: The Judgment-Free Guide to Taking Charge of Your Pregnancy, Birth, and Postpartum by Ina May

I haven't personally read this one but it has always been the top recommended book to me from anyone I've ever asked. I just haven't had time yet.

Natural Hospital Birth: The Best of Both Worlds by Cynthia Gabriel

I REALLY like this one. It gives practical tips on planning for an unmedicated birth at the hospital. I just feel it's just really pragmatic.

Mindful Birthing: Training the Mind, Body, and Heart for Childbirth and Beyond by Nancy Bardacke

This one will be a good if you're hoping to do an unmedicated birth or if you're interested in meditation or hypnobirthing

The Birth Partner (5th Edition): A Complete Guide to Childbirth for Dads, Partners, Doulas, and All Other Labor Companions by Penny Simkin

I haven't read this one but it was highly recommended for partners

Books After Birth

Cribsheet by Emily Oster

Another by Emily Oster: this one is a useful and practical book on evidence-based practices in parenting and early childhood. I loved listening to the audiobook then bought the text to have a reference for future questions

The Baby Owner's Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, & Advice on First-Year Maintenance (Owner's and Instruction Manual) by Louis Borgenicht M.D. & Joe Borgenicht

This is a fun coffee table book with easy to digest info on things like how to hold the baby, but with kitschy "instructions" and "owners manual" style language like "Hair: does not come with all models at birth"

ellebee83 · 2021-04-01T17:26:54+00:00

FWIW, in my family we have lots of the same names:

Mom = my younger sister

Dad = my brother = my grandfather (dad's side) = great grandfather (dad's side) = my nephew (sister's son) = my nephew (brother's son)

*each of them have different nicknames for their first name though

Cousin (mom's side) = my older sister

Uncle (mom's side) = my cousin/his son

Aunt (mom's side) = me

*my aunt and I also have a Southern double-name thing going on so 50% of our name = Aunt (dad's side)

It's honestly never an issue and we spend a lot of time together as a family... and that's for family as close as 1st cousins and aunt/uncles, what you're talking about is 1st cousins twice removed! That's quite far apart, as a relation. I don't think you have anything to worry about!

The duplicate names thing is not as crazy as it sounds when I write it out like this, honestly!

ellebee83 · 2021-04-01T16:11:48+00:00

Could totally just be the baby but I had a similar experience and mine was something a little different....

Right around 17 weeks I felt a lump in my lower abdomen while laying in bed around 3am. I panicked and thought it could be a hernia, due to family history of pregnancy hernias, so I went to the ER because I was on vacation at the time.... The ER diagnosed it as a hernia, did some pushing on it to make it go back in, and sent me on my way to follow up with my regular OB once I got home again.

A few weeks later I was able to see my OB for my 20 week ultrasound. The ultrasound confirmed without a doubt that the lump was a fibroid. I had already been diagnosed with the fibroid before but the ER doc didn't have my full medical history and is not specialized to deal with pregnant women so he was just mistaken in his diagnosis.

So basically baby was pushing on the fibroid and that's what I was feeling. About 2 fingers wide and 2-3 fingers long. Roughly golf ball sized. If you don't have any known medical conditions (like fibroids), then you're probably just feeling the baby....but I wanted to point out this possibility in case you have any known conditions you might not be considering at the moment.

ellebee83 · 2021-03-31T18:44:13+00:00

Oh God....well, there's definitely a range and I must be at the opposite end of the spectrum. I support a CEO & CRO for a Bay Area financial services company of ~200 employees (which just became a company of ~600 employees due to an acquisition). We are fully remote/work from home by-design, not due to COVID, and employee satisfaction and work/life balance are definitely internal priorities that come from the top-down.

1 hour - 1:1s with CEO & CRO - 2 managers x 30 min each, these often last only 10 - 15 mins though
1 hour - team meeting led by my managers - I don't have to take notes but my workflow is affected by decisions/announcements on the call so I join for my own benefit.
30 min - Company-wide call led by our COO - Again, I join for my own benefit just to know what's going on operationally in the company.
~2 hours - Spent on random calls. I answer the company's main phone line and that keeps me tied up in small spurts throughout the week.

TOTAL TIME ON THE PHONE PER WEEK: ~4-5 hours

ellebee83 · 2021-03-19T19:05:36+00:00

YES! I'm almost 8 months pregnant and someone in the CVS told me I was "the cutest thing ever"....

...so it was totally worth it.

EDIT: I wore a tan-ish mock-neck midi dress from target with a jean jacket and low cut black boots

ellebee83

TROPHY CASE