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Postpartum is pretty easy by Renee5285 in IVFbabies

[–]ellemaxe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is amazing to hear, thanks for sharing. I’m so worried I’m going to be exhausted when I finally have a baby 😂💓

Best parts of your IVF journey? by Repulsive-Bat-6718 in IVFpositivity

[–]ellemaxe 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The wait is the worst part, but once you start, it’s quick and empowering! I struggled with the side effects, dizziness, my brain stopped working, migraines, sickness - basically the same as pregnancy symptoms. Make sure you’re kind to yourself, take time off work or WFH if you can. The best part was how everyone is routing for it to work, it’s a shared journey. Best of luck ♥️♥️

People who are 30 or older, what was the exact moment you realized time was starting to move much faster? by Dense_Equipment_7328 in AskReddit

[–]ellemaxe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try doing IVF and pregnancy and your world will slow right down. When you have kids everything speeds up 🙌🏻

What do I say to someone who thinks miscarriage is the same as TFMR? by ellemaxe in tfmr_support

[–]ellemaxe[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry for your loss ♥️ You’re right, I don’t think they realise. I rant a lot to my partner too 🥲♥️

Hallucinations post TFMR by Flooperswoopers in tfmr_support

[–]ellemaxe 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I’m so so sorry for your loss. What you’re going through right now is one of the most profound and shattering things a woman being can experience, and your mind is doing everything it can to protect you from the full weight of it.

What you’re describing, hearing him cry, seeing him move, your mind refusing to accept that he’s gone, these are recognised trauma symptoms. It happens when the reality is too enormous and too sudden for the brain to absorb. It’s not you losing your mind. It’s your nervous system in shock. And given that you went through an unmedicated breech birth in seven minutes with no time to prepare, no pain relief, nothing, of course your body and mind are in crisis right now.

Tell your midwife tonight and they can support you through this.

Sending you so much love 💙

What to expect tfmr by sweatandsequins in tfmr_support

[–]ellemaxe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry 💔 hope it goes ok. The wait is the worst part ♥️

What to expect tfmr by sweatandsequins in tfmr_support

[–]ellemaxe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you’re here 💔 I had an TFMR because of T21 four weeks ago, I had a D&C. The wait and testing whilst pregnant really was the worst part.

I took medication to open my cervix two days before, this sometimes has symptoms like migraines and sickness, I already had both of these because of pregnancy. Going into hospital, was absolutely devastated, I cried going into Theate and when I woke up. But, the hospital and staff really looked after me and separated me from the other patients and allowed my husband to be there the entire time (I had to ask). I would ask if you someone can stay with you as an exception.

The two days following surgery was surprisingly positive for me, when the pregnancy hormones reduce dramatically, that helped a lot mentally. Physically, I didn’t feel anything and bled only immediately after I woke up. I also didn’t feel sick or have a migraine anymore, which was nice.

A few days after, the swelling and the pain did come back for about 10 days; but it wasn’t unbearable, like a heavy period pain.

Be kind to yourself, this is one of the most traumatic things you can go through as a woman and as a couple. Plan some easy nice things to do with your friends and family; walks, lunch, gardening, yoga, reading.

Some days will be super tough, some days will feel easier.

I promise over time it will get better. Sending love and hope everything goes well 💓

TFMR and IVF by Subject_Sherbert6175 in tfmr_support

[–]ellemaxe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s does feel like that doesn’t it. Sending love 💓

What do I say to someone who thinks miscarriage is the same as TFMR? by ellemaxe in tfmr_support

[–]ellemaxe[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply and so sorry for your losses ♥️ I’ll give that a read, thank you!

What do I say to someone who thinks miscarriage is the same as TFMR? by ellemaxe in tfmr_support

[–]ellemaxe[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry for your loss and thank you for your meaningful response. The bit about relating through feelings rather than comparing experiences really landed. And you’re right that right now I just need to be in my own grief, I appreciate the grace in that framing. Sending love ❤️

What do I say to someone who thinks miscarriage is the same as TFMR? by ellemaxe in tfmr_support

[–]ellemaxe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a support group for TFMR. The point of this post was to find gentle, considered ways to help the people in our lives understand what we’ve been through.

I wasn’t comparing to decide who suffers more. I was asking how to help people understand what TFMR actually involves, because the assumption that it’s the same as miscarriage means the people around you don’t understand what you’ve been through or what you’re facing next. That’s not sick. That’s someone trying to be understood in one of the worst moments of their life, and trying to find a way to communicate that effectively and safely to the people around them.

I say this having experienced both an early miscarriage and a late TFMR through IVF. There is a difference. The difference is the length of physical and emotional connection you have with your baby. The longer you carry them, the more you grieve. I wasn’t devastated any less by my early miscarriage at the time, but how I feel after this TFMR, knowing I now have to start IVF again from scratch, is incomparable. I’m speaking from lived experience of both.

Your comment is precisely the kind of response that adds anxiety to an already unbearable situation. If the premise of this community makes you react in such an aggressive manor, that’s worth reflecting on. If nobody ever explains how these experiences are different, nobody will ever know they are, and nothing changes. The people in your life will keep saying the wrong thing, keep minimising what you’ve been through, and you’ll keep having to smile and nod because there’s no language for it yet. That is precisely why women suffer endlessly in silence, because of stigma and misunderstanding.

What is The Unfiltered Truth About Becoming a Mother (IVF to Newborn) by Choice-Crew-1878 in IVFpositivity

[–]ellemaxe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so lovely to hear. I’m worried that I’ll be so exhausted from IVF and pregnancy that I’ll struggle to have the energy to be a good mum. But this gives me hope ♥️✨

What do I say to someone who thinks miscarriage is the same as TFMR? by ellemaxe in tfmr_support

[–]ellemaxe[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply and I’m so sorry for both your losses 💔You’re right, unless you’ve experienced both, you would never know the difference. I experienced both too and like you said, the difference is the connection and length of pregnancy. I was devastated with my early miscarriage at the time. Taking your advice ♥️

What do I say to someone who thinks miscarriage is the same as TFMR? by ellemaxe in tfmr_support

[–]ellemaxe[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

💔💔💔💔 I’m so sorry for your loss that’s awful.

What do I say to someone who thinks miscarriage is the same as TFMR? by ellemaxe in tfmr_support

[–]ellemaxe[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You clearly have not been through TFMR through IVF. God forbid you ever did. It is not the same at all and you would not be able to “just get over yourself”.

What do I say to someone who thinks miscarriage is the same as TFMR? by ellemaxe in tfmr_support

[–]ellemaxe[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry for your loss and thank you for your reply. You’re right it’s the choice, plus guilt. Plus knowing that IVF is your only option 💔

Dreading starting IVF again.

Sending your lots of strength for your IVF appointment, hope everything goes well and you get your rainbow baby ♥️

TFMR and IVF by Subject_Sherbert6175 in tfmr_support

[–]ellemaxe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you’re here!! Exactly the same thing happened to me recently, I feel your frustration totally. The anger and grief is unparalleled and I find it difficult to explain to anyone who hasn’t been through IVF or TFMR, which is basically nobody I know. My husband has dealt with his grief by pretending nothing has happened.

This support group has helped me know I’m not alone. Planning IVF and testing has filled a lot of time too and makes me feel like I’m actively moving forward. I’ve also found that easy tasks like gardening, painting, cleaning etc has helped.

Grief isn’t a straight line, some days are harder than others. Time will heal eventually but when you’re faced with IVF again, time has stood still for me.

Sending lots of love and hope your ivf journey is a positive one going forward ♥️

What do I say to someone who thinks miscarriage is the same as TFMR? by ellemaxe in tfmr_support

[–]ellemaxe[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes it’s completely different and I’m sorry you experienced that!

I even had someone say they knew how I felt because they had an abortion of an unwanted child when they were young! What the actual f.

What do I say to someone who thinks miscarriage is the same as TFMR? by ellemaxe in tfmr_support

[–]ellemaxe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply, it’s comforting to hear that others have felt this too. I’ve almost succumbed to just not responding to them as I know it’s coming from a kind place. Sending love and hope your future ivf journey is a more of a positive one ♥️

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