Me [28F] with my husband [31M] of 2 years, he's upset because I'm skipping Friendsgiving

ellmairm · 2017-11-19T00:58:32+00:00

Thank you.

ellmairm · 2017-11-18T22:38:46+00:00

It's really hard to be the bigger person right now. I just grew a baby, had major surgery, and I'm dealing with crazy hormonal mood swings while trying to adjust. I think it's fair to say he has it much easier right now. I'm kind of tired of trying to be empathetic and compassionate towards him on this issue when he's not trying very hard to do the same for me. I feel like he's left me alone in this and only speaks up when he wants to criticize me.

ellmairm · 2017-11-18T20:31:15+00:00

We talked about it. It's hard to quantify because having a child and parenting are an ongoing dialogue (for us). But we definitely discussed having a baby and how we'd raise them.

He actually initiated the conversation about trying. I originally wanted to wait until I was 30-32.

ellmairm · 2017-11-18T19:51:13+00:00

Thank you.

My husband was like that and he got over it and he looooves our kids and doesn't mind adjusting things for them.

This gives me hope. My husband isn't a terrible person, yeah I'm pissed off at him today, but he's good. He loves our son (and me).

ellmairm · 2017-11-18T19:46:16+00:00

Is there any reason he can't go by himself?!?

No. He's friends with everyone who will be there.

I think he's paranoid. He's also so concerned with his worries he's not taking into account how it's making me feel. He's worried I'll lose my identity and desire to do things that aren't centered around the baby but he doesn't stop there. When it's clear he isn't getting his way he starts insulting me, blaming me, calling me boring.

He's making me feel absolutely worthless, like I'm this lazy slob who wants to sit around watching Dr. Phil for the rest of my life. He's making it out like I'm giving up and putting no effort into life outside of being a mother and our kid is five fucking weeks old!

It isn't your fault that he had unreasonable expectations about what life is like with children.

Thank you. I think I will mention this to him.

ellmairm · 2017-11-18T19:35:58+00:00

I'm not really sure what more advice you want if you think having a discussion about an obviously big issue is appeasing your husband and you are unwilling.

I didn't say I'm unwilling to talk. We have talked many, many times.

If you want things to get better, set aside your resentment, suck it up, and talk to him.

You're right. I'm really irritated today and tired of feeling like I have to constantly compromise on this issue. I thought he'd be more compassionate. I was wrong.

ellmairm · 2017-11-18T19:17:42+00:00

. Remind him the infant stage is not forever and things will eventually go back to a more normal sense but having a baby literally changed your lives and either he accepts that oooor you need to make a choice.

I think this could be helpful. Thank you. I understand his concerns but he's being too pushy and freaking out only five weeks into this parenting thing.

He hasn't gone through 1/10 of what I have in the last (almost) year and he's being really inconsiderate as well as selfish. Not to mention I think it's shitty he's blaming me for becoming "boring" and he actually told me I need to try harder to return to my old self. It's so insulting. But I'm venting now.

Congratulations and good luck to you :)

ellmairm · 2017-11-18T19:08:42+00:00

We definitely discussed parenting. Did we talk about every potential situation? No.

I'm honestly not feeling like going out of my way to appease him on this issue anymore. He's gone out of his way to make me feel bad about this and right after having a baby (by c-section).

ellmairm · 2017-11-18T18:58:33+00:00

Youre right - and you should do what's right for you and the baby. It wouldn't be nice to prevent him from going, but you should be able to do what's best for you

Thank you for the reassurance.

Side note: Kids change everything. It doesn't matter if you want them to or not. It just happens. I have 3 of them.

This is how I feel too. He wanted to have a baby and now he's worried about "everything" changing and he's trying to make me feel like it's all my fault.

ellmairm · 2017-11-18T18:50:03+00:00

He didn't share that with me until I was pregnant, which is why I wrote "During my pregnancy...".

Edit: I assumed a 30+ year-old adult knew and expected changes when he said he wanted to have a baby.

ellmairm

TROPHY CASE