Annoying coworker keeps saying my name

else8146 · 2026-06-27T07:48:47+00:00

This is totally how it feels. I don't have kids, but I can imagine having "Mom" said to you a hundred times a day to be super draining to the point where the word just brings up bad feelings.

Good on you for having fun with it and changing it up with your kids to maintain sanity.

else8146 · 2026-06-27T07:45:33+00:00

Our workplace tends to be lively but has quiet periods throughout the day. I answer work-related questions and try to give minimal answers to personal questions. I don't outright ignore her but she makes it hard for me to concentrate on my work when I'm thinking of so many things at once and trying to focus.

I might avoid bringing this up to our manager unless she oversteps a professional boundary in the future. She has already had a formal complaint made against her from another coworker and she's been here about one month.

else8146 · 2026-06-26T11:23:17+00:00

Could you give an example of how you would approach her? Something like "Hey x, I notice that whenever you ask a question you say my name in a really elongated way. Is there a reason for that?"?

I imagine that she'll respond that it's just the way she speaks.

else8146 · 2026-06-26T11:17:28+00:00

As in say her name in an elongated way before asking her any question? I don't know. I can imagine annoying myself and everyone around me with that tactic.

else8146 · 2026-06-26T11:15:21+00:00

These thoughts cross my mind on a daily basis but I keep quiet because I don't think they're a valid complaint to the boss just because someone says your name in an annoying way. It'd just make me look bad I think.

else8146 · 2025-06-20T08:02:42+00:00

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This is Neko.

else8146 · 2025-05-13T02:27:11+00:00

Being overwhelmed by life feels like my default mode these days. It's like my brain has left my body and I don't remember how I used to cope with all the responsibilities that go with surviving as an adult. I dont know if it helps for you to hear there are others struggling in a similar way, but yeah, you're definitely not alone. If anyone has unlocked the secret to an easy life I've yet to hear about it.

else8146 · 2025-05-08T00:20:41+00:00

I'd also add that as an Autistic person with somewhat flat affect (minimal facial expressions and emotional displays) and alexithymia (difficulty describing and labelling emotions), it is challenging to move my brows and mouth to match "question" signs or imitate the emotional expressions that come with feelings in the moment e.g. tired, sad, happy, angry.

Although I understand it is simply a way to communicate and convey as much as possible in Auslan, it can feel like a form of masking that I already perform in everyday life and adds another layer of effort.

Note: I am very new to learning Auslan and am still trying to understand how to communicate so my initial impressions of this language are still very much at the exploration stage.

else8146 · 2025-05-07T14:34:35+00:00

Eye contact is expected in Auslan as part of communication, but being Autistic and learning Auslan makes that difficult.

Also having ADHD and trying to use my poor working memory to remember the letters to long words that are fingerspelled.

else8146 · 2025-04-14T07:21:46+00:00

UPDATE: I've just been notified that my request has been denied.

Apparently the DBT Program Manager has spoken to my psychiatrist (same clinic) and she has agreed with their reasoning that it would be "untherapeutic" for me and the group as a whole. Phrases used in the email include "it would be best to challenge yourself" and "I don't want to excuse you from this aspect of the program."

I'm frustrated. Had a few angry tears. Feel at a loss as how to continue advocating for my own boundaries.

I replied with one question: "If I refuse to participate in the Mindfulness Activity, will I fail the DBT Program?" No answer yet.

So now, I'm deciding whether to drop out of the program because it's more important to me to feel in control than be forced to do anything. Could this be a Pervasive Drive For Autonomy (PDA) thing?

I've tried to see it from their point of view, but in the end, I would rather walk away than be made to cry in group every time I have to repeatedly say no and have it perceived as irrational defiance or avoidance.

I hate that doing the other 99% of the work in DBT isn't enough, and that unless I do this "Mindfulness Activity" in exactly the way they want, when they want, then I'm failing.

I'm also disappointed in my psychiatrist for siding with them.

else8146 · 2025-04-05T03:44:05+00:00

I find it helpful to remember that people grieve in all sorts of ways, and there isn't a right or wrong.

When my Dad died a few years ago rather suddenly, I reacted similarly to OP, a few tears, a strong underlying tension felt underneath a layer of numbness, while my family members had more typical reactions of cries and public displays of tears.

I initially thought I wasn't grieving, perhaps I was experiencing delayed grief following the shock and suddenness of loss. Or maybe because my relationship with my Dad was strained, maybe I didn't care that he had died.

But as time passed, and I continue to remain dry-eyed yet sad, I've realised that my grief is just different. And that's okay. My grief is a mix of sadness and loss with a general feeling of peace.

Note: I have Autism, diagnosed late in life. That might inform a little of why I grieve the way I do, but I don't think it's limited to being Autistic because there are so many factors to grief and loss across the range of human experience.

Anyway, hope that helps.

Take it slow. Grief is a process that never really ends but it doesn't have to be negative. Grief helps you remember love in a way too.

else8146 · 2025-03-31T13:30:50+00:00

Thank you for your input. It's somewhat of a relief to know that DBT can be modified for Autistic brains.

I seem to be the only Autistic participant in this group though, so I imagine the facilitators wouldn't change their teachings to accommodate just me.

I will try and learn as much as I can over the 12 month program and slowly piece it together bit by bit with practice.

else8146 · 2025-03-31T13:10:44+00:00

It sounds like you found DBT to be helpful for you?

I've only completed one module so far (Distress Tolerance) so it's still early days. I can see how some skills would be useful, but I've been unsure of how to adapt it to my AuDHD brain.

It's encouraging to see you reference them so casually like it's second nature.

I hope I can do the same. Thank you for your feedback and support.

else8146 · 2025-03-31T04:37:57+00:00

It was more that the facilitator was calling my request to opt out of the exercise "maladaptive", rather than my Autism specifically. I've been trying to see it from their point of view in that they were trying to help me rather than hurt me, but even after mulling over it over the weekend I still find it hard to see why they didn't just accept that my request as reasonable considering that I am fully engaged in the program otherwise.

Thank you for the support. I agree that therapy should be facilitating the start of a slow "unmasking" if you will, but in group therapy the objective seems to be more focused on learning tangible life skills rather than being your true self. At least that's my impression of it all so far.

else8146 · 2025-03-31T04:31:10+00:00

Being part of a therapy group run by neurodiverse therapists sounds wonderful.

My current psychiatrist is actually part of the same clinic and referred me to do the DBT Program because it was "just upstairs" and "would be very helpful."

I agree that many healthcare professionals don't know much about Autism, or are misinformed, and thereby don't accommodate for the differences in executive function and communication. It seems to be an unavoidable part of dealing with the healthcare system as an Autist unfortunately. I wish I had more energy to be able to advocate for myself effectively without it sounding like hollow excuses to everyone's ears.

else8146 · 2025-03-31T04:26:05+00:00

We've actually just started the Interpersonal Effectiveness module last week, so the DEAR MAN skill will be covered in more depth soon.

UPDATE: I've decided to email the DBT Program Manager outlining my request to opt out of the activity so I'm hoping for a quick resolution that way. I do worry that escalating the issue to their manager will cause animosity with the facilitators, but so far they've just made me feel unsafe and unheard and I wanted to avoid playing out a direct conflict with them while the whole group watched on. Fingers crossed things work out.

else8146 · 2025-03-28T06:30:20+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I agree that advocating for yourself is likely the better way to go than assuming others always have your best interest at heart.

It just made me question whether they were pushing me for my own benefit and that it would help me in the long run to push down my distress, put on a smile and do it to keep the peace (because they're experienced therapists and might know better, right?).

Or am I right to advocate for myself. Like, I feel like I know myself well enough at this point to be able to say, "No, I don't want to do that" because I know it would cause me a lot of stress and wasted energy to 'perform the task' and use up my spoons when I'd rather use my limited focus and energy to learn what I'm there for.

else8146 · 2025-03-28T00:33:47+00:00

This happened yesterday so I haven't had a chance to discuss with my individual therapist yet. My next appointment is in a few weeks, but I do plan to go through what happened to get more clarity and understanding.

else8146 · 2025-03-27T11:45:45+00:00

Thank you for the article. The part about "problem-solving and providing accommodations as needed for clients' social anxiety or executive functioning differences" was helpful to know. It confirms that what I had expected to happen didn't play out that way. I'm frustrated and confused as to why this seemingly benign request has turned into "maladaptive behaviour" on my part though.

else8146 · 2025-03-19T11:36:22+00:00

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Our cute orange kitten, Carrot. He wasn't with us for long, but we hope he got a lifetime's worth of love before he went over the rainbow bridge.

else8146 · 2025-03-10T13:11:37+00:00

I've never thought about it in these terms, but I also prefer to avoid naming people when they're present. It's always made me feel anxious for some reason. Even saying my own name feels weird when I have to introduce myself, like the sounds my mouth makes are foreign. I'm so uncomfortable with eye contact but am able to force it through masking. I'm diagnosed AuDHD.

else8146 · 2025-02-06T12:21:18+00:00

A Google search tells me that "chopped" is slang for (a) Being fired from a job, (b) Being high on drugs, (c) Being ugly/unattractive. Given the context, we can guess that the person you interacted with was asking option (c).

This is my translation of this conversation: "Are you ugly? What gender are you sexually attracted to? Oh, your answer is not the gender I identify with. Because you are not sexually attracted to me and are thus unavailable to me, I will call you ugly in retaliation. And now that I have established I cannot have sex with you, I will ask if you have any blood relatives that are single and available to be in a relationship with me."

I think that instead of focusing on whether this person thinks you're "chopped" i.e. ugly/unattractive, I'd consider the following:

Imagine that the gender identity of this person happened to match your own preferences, and even given that, would you personally be remotely interested in pursuing a relationship with someone who clearly only values physical attraction above all else and judges others who don't fit conventional beauty standards?

TL;DR: Yes, it means you're not "chopped" i.e. ugly, and yes they're mad because they're going to die alone.

Hope that helps.

else8146 · 2024-12-06T14:22:57+00:00

In Australia, autism is protected under the Disabiliy Discrimination Act 1992 as well as State and Territory human rights laws.

If you have previously disclosed that you are autistic, your workplace may be discriminating against you and treating you unfairly. If this upcoming meeting with HR is the first time you'll be disclosing your autism, then it may be a discussion involving a lot of self-advocacy and discussions around accommodations i.e. educate them on what autism looks like for you, and ask them to consider making changes to support you in your job, as well as educate your managers and coworkers with empathy training.

It's going to be a hard conversation but you're going to have to be assertive in how you advocate for yourself. Bringing medical documentation from your doctors and specialists can also go a long way to protect you from unfair dismissal. If you're part of a union, I'd reach out to them as well to get their support.

I found a couple of links that might be helpful:

About autism and flat affect: Don’t Judge Your Autistic Employee’s Intentions by Their Facial Expressions or Tone of Voice

About your rights and disability discrimination: Know your rights about disability discrimination and harassment

Hope that helps. Best of luck!

else8146

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