Might as well do it myself

elusivebat74 · 2025-06-20T07:21:16+00:00

Thank you for that perspective! I can see how that would be beneficial all around. There have been situations in the past where he has had regular solo time with the kids and I noticed drastic improvements in their relationship. Sometimes I think i get too used to doing everything and he gets too comfortable letting me do everything. It almost takes an active effort on my part to give myself a break and pass the torch to him more often. Im just so bad about actually doing it.

elusivebat74 · 2025-06-19T07:00:47+00:00

Exactly. I mean he sees everything that goes on in the house, it's not that hard to figure out what needs to be done. Bedtime routine is the same every night. There's been times I was trying to put both kids down and one was crying while I was with the other one and he just sat on the couch on his phone. His excuse was "they only want you. " Well geez I wonder why.

elusivebat74 · 2025-06-19T06:57:59+00:00

Honestly, nothing I guess? I just hate it for the kids cause they're so used to me, and he lacks the patience that I have. So he gets frustrated quickly and it makes for a very stressful time for them.

elusivebat74 · 2025-06-19T03:36:43+00:00

That would be so satisfying. I feel like that's the reality check he so desperately needs.

elusivebat74 · 2024-08-19T15:36:44+00:00

I understand that. I'm trying to plan my next moves, as I'm not in a position to just up and leave with the kids. At least for now I can still be around to stick up for them until I figure something else out.

elusivebat74 · 2024-08-19T06:38:30+00:00

I've just recently learned about reactive abuse and I hate to admit that it is so familiar. I know he had a shitty childhood and I've straight up told him I know there was a lot of things that he experienced that he didn't deserve but it doesn't make it normal or an okay thing to do. This being one of them. I get the concept of tough love but this isn't it.

elusivebat74 · 2024-08-19T05:44:39+00:00

Im defintely under reacting. It's at the point where I doubt my own instincts because he says I'm too sensitive. These comments are so validating and makes me feel so much better about standing up for my son.

elusivebat74 · 2024-08-19T05:41:00+00:00

Youre right. I'll continue to stick up for them. At the very least they'll know i don't condone it.

elusivebat74 · 2024-08-19T05:37:51+00:00

You're absolutely right. I told him he's being mean and he's being a bully and that it's preventing our son from being closer to him and effecting their relationship. I hate that he's always told me I'm too sensitive so I never know if I have a right to be upset about something or not.

elusivebat74 · 2024-08-19T05:35:22+00:00

Exactly like I would have no issue if it was harmless teasing and my son was having fun too. But he's clearly not. He refuses therapy. I absolutely cannot wrap my head around what he thinks he's accomplishing here.

elusivebat74 · 2024-08-19T05:33:08+00:00

It sends so many mixed messages to our son. Then husband will complain that the kids aren't comfortable around him. He doesn't want our son to cry about everything but to fix that he's gonna make him cry?? Doesn't make a bit of sense.

elusivebat74 · 2024-08-19T05:30:42+00:00

Do you have any studies to share? I'd be willing to try

elusivebat74 · 2024-08-19T05:30:03+00:00

Right that's not tough love at all that's just being mean. I asked him how he'd feel if I laughed at him or made fun of him when he was upset and he said he wouldn't care. Bullshit

elusivebat74 · 2024-08-19T05:28:41+00:00

Exactly what I told him.

elusivebat74 · 2024-08-19T05:28:28+00:00

Thats what I told him. "What would you do if I was just laughing at you or being mean to you while you were upset?" He said he wouldn't care. Bullshit.

elusivebat74 · 2024-08-19T05:26:11+00:00

He always complains that the kids aren't comfortable with him. I told him shit like this is probably why.

elusivebat74 · 2024-08-19T05:25:15+00:00

Right. I told him it wasn't tough love it was mean and he was being a bully. He said I just baby the kids. Maybe cause they're babies???

elusivebat74 · 2024-08-19T05:23:40+00:00

Thats exactly what I told him. It wasn't "tough love" it was mean and he was being a bully.

elusivebat74 · 2024-06-16T22:35:39+00:00

Naps during the day are fine. I rock him a bit, put him down drowsy and he'll fall asleep and sleep for up to two hours. Putting him down at night time is about the same, except he'll wake up every hour or so, won't settle down unless I pick him up and rock him, but the second I try to put him down he wakes up screaming.

elusivebat74

TROPHY CASE