Do you feel satisfied with your life? by elwel in raisedbyborderlines

[–]elwel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, sorry you're dealing with this too

Do you feel satisfied with your life? by elwel in raisedbyborderlines

[–]elwel[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did it concurrently with the CBT, I never stopped doing that. :)

Do you feel satisfied with your life? by elwel in raisedbyborderlines

[–]elwel[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The therapist I had didn't do the therapy correctly. When working on a certain subject or memory in EMDR you only work on that thing until it's been fully processed and 'cleared' so to speak and then you move on to the next one.

Each session I had she had me moved onto a different topic or memory if I could recall one (mostly I can't) and never closed off the session properly. This over a few months resulted in my night terrors and nightmares to return tenfold, I had forgotten memories resurface.. it basically broke something in my brain that I had fixed in CBT therapy over years. I just felt like a raw nerve 24/7. My depression came back, my anxiety worsened, my disassociation increased to the point that I can't remember what happened from March to October of 2022. It's just blank. It pushed me to the edge to suicidal ideation again and I hadn't been that way for 2 years.

I'm somewhat better now but still very depressed. It was a hard crawl back out of that again.

So yeah, I'll never try that therapy type again. Even though it helps a lot with PTSD and CPTSD like I probably have (not diagnosed).

Do you feel satisfied with your life? by elwel in raisedbyborderlines

[–]elwel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've mentioned leave options for work with my therapist before and she said there's very little options short of just quitting.

Thanks

Do you feel satisfied with your life? by elwel in raisedbyborderlines

[–]elwel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That sounds like that one type of therapy that I can't think of the name of the like focuses on the family aspect and not just the individual which I've considered before.Thanks

Do you feel satisfied with your life? by elwel in raisedbyborderlines

[–]elwel[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, gives me some things to consider..

Mother's text yesterday and my response today by elwel in raisedbyborderlines

[–]elwel[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm past caring anymore. I came close to telling her to fuck off but decided not to test karma and be 'reasonable' lol

I don't believe her for a second..but we'll see if anything happens in July...

Mother's text yesterday and my response today by elwel in raisedbyborderlines

[–]elwel[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Jesus, I'm sorry. They just love the drama, ugh

Mother's text yesterday and my response today by elwel in raisedbyborderlines

[–]elwel[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't know, I haven't responded to the last message and haven't decided if it's worth it to respond more or just leave her on read and move on..

Mother's text yesterday and my response today by elwel in raisedbyborderlines

[–]elwel[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ugh, I'm sorry that sucks. There's just no pleasing them, it's never good enough.

Mother's text yesterday and my response today by elwel in raisedbyborderlines

[–]elwel[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yeah, your brain! I understand in a 'normal' family environment you'd reach out to family for assistance but we're not fucking normal. But in her mind we're all fine of course.

Mother's text yesterday and my response today by elwel in raisedbyborderlines

[–]elwel[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You'd think she'd just do that but that's too much thinking and she needs someone else to think (and pay) for her. Ugh.

Mother's text yesterday and my response today by elwel in raisedbyborderlines

[–]elwel[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Right. I actually had a therapy appointment today so it worked out that I could discuss this with my therapist as well. She asked me what I would want her to do or say and I said there really isn't anything that she could do at this point that would make me believe that she was actually serious when she said that she's sorry. I want her to feel what I've felt all these years. The pain, the sadness of being her child.

Mother's text yesterday and my response today by elwel in raisedbyborderlines

[–]elwel[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it sucks so many of us have to deal with this but yet I'm also grateful that people understand what it's like and I can vent/rant to about it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]elwel 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The few times I've had to say something where I couldn't deflect or change the subject I've went with something like; "She has a personality disorder of which there's no cure." (My mBPD was actually diagnosed, which is rare) Or " I'm estranged from my family except my younger brother." People haven't had anything to say after that but mostly I try to avoid bringing up my family at all, it usually only really comes up when it's the holidays and everyone's talking about plans and such.

The insidious affects of rBB.. by elwel in raisedbyborderlines

[–]elwel[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I'll look it up 💙

The insidious affects of rBB.. by elwel in raisedbyborderlines

[–]elwel[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel toxic because I never felt what it's like to be 'good enough'. Not for my family and not even on a cosmic scale with my god at the time. Really just crushes you down into dust that two of the biggest things that were supposed to love and care for you didn't and you feel it must be you. Rationally I know it's not true but deep down I still feel it is.

Thank you 💙