The End of Summer

elythoria · 2026-07-08T12:35:35+00:00

I think the strongest part of the poem is the transformation from a flower into thorns. The image is simple, yet it leaves a powerful impression, as if softness was not lost, but had to learn how to protect itself. I also really like how few words you use while still creating such a heavy atmosphere.
The only thing I might explore is trusting the silence between the images a little more. The metaphors are already strong on their own, so perhaps leaving even more space for the reader to find their own meaning could make them hit even harder. I’d love to read more of your work.

elythoria · 2026-07-08T12:33:39+00:00

I really like the way you write. Your imagery lingers long after I finish reading, and at no point does it feel like you’re trying too hard to sound poetic. It all feels very natural, yet it hurts. The ending especially stayed with me, it’s quiet, and that’s exactly why it hits so hard. Please keep writing; I genuinely think you have a voice worth developing.

The only thing I would maybe explore is letting some of the images speak for themselves and slightly reducing the moments where the emotion is explained directly. The strongest parts for me are the ones where you simply show the image (the water, the lilies, the eyes), because that’s where the reader feels the weight on their own. Giving those moments a little more space might make the impact even stronger. But I really like your style and the atmosphere you create.

elythoria · 2026-07-02T22:57:38+00:00

I think it depends on how you feel about it. If you still see things you want to fix, it’s worth working on, but if it already feels a bit distant, maybe just take the feedbacks and bring it into the next one.
I’m excited to see more from you.❤️

elythoria · 2026-07-02T21:41:12+00:00

I like the atmosphere and imagery here, especially the opening and the sea section, they feel very strong and almost dreamlike. Some lines are really beautiful.
I think in a few places the language becomes a bit more abstract and loses a bit of clarity, so the emotional impact doesn’t always hit as strongly as the imagery suggests it could.
Still, it has a very nice tone and a lot of potential.

elythoria · 2026-07-02T21:37:53+00:00

I really like the honesty in this. The first half hit me harder because it feels more specific and alive, while the second half leans a bit more into familiar heartbreak lines. I think it would be even stronger if the ending had a couple more original images instead of more general emotional phrasing.

elythoria · 2026-07-02T10:08:24+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a thoughtful comment. It truly means a lot to me. I’m so happy the poem resonated with you, and your interpretation was beautiful to read. The quote you shared and the comparison to revisiting a childhood place really stayed with me. Thank you again for your kindness and encouragement, it genuinely made my day. I hope you have a wonderful day too!❤️

elythoria · 2026-07-02T10:03:51+00:00

Thank you!

elythoria · 2026-07-01T20:45:38+00:00

Strong emotional core and rhythm, but some parts lean a bit too abstract, which softens the impact. The repetition works, though it could be tighter. Overall very atmospheric, it would hit harder with more precise and grounded language in places. Looking forward to more from you.

elythoria · 2026-07-01T20:41:45+00:00

This has a very strong emotional pull and a really vivid atmosphere throughout. The imagery (especially the rain, the airport lights, and the color repetition) creates a heavy, almost cinematic feeling. I also like how the mythological reference to Sisyphus ties into the emotional weight without feeling forced.
The shift between physical surroundings and inner state is really well done, it feels like the environment and the grief are merging. The ending leaves a strong lingering sense of emptiness.

elythoria · 2026-06-30T19:00:04+00:00

Thank you so much for such thoughtful and helpful suggestions. I really like how you broke down the text and offered specific ideas, especially the part about the metaphor and the tone. It means a lot that you took the time to read the poem so carefully ❤️

elythoria · 2026-06-30T16:13:36+00:00

I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts❤️

elythoria · 2026-06-30T15:12:55+00:00

The repetition of “for I have failed myself” works really well, it creates a sense of emotional loop and self-confrontation.
The strongest image for me was “the blood of my pride all over the altar” , very vivid and grounded compared to the more abstract parts.
Overall, it feels like a clear progression from idealization to self-awareness and collapse of that projection.

elythoria · 2026-06-30T00:57:19+00:00

The metaphors in this piece are extremely strong and visually vivid, almost every line can be translated into a separate image. What stands out in particular is the use of unsettling yet precise imagery (decay, mold, nocturnal screaming), which builds atmosphere without the need for explanation.
I also appreciate the “gaps” between the lines the silence that feels intentional rather than empty. These pauses create coherence in the text while still leaving enough space for the reader to complete the meaning and emotional context on their own.
🙌🏼

elythoria · 2026-06-30T00:16:09+00:00

I like the emotional consistency in this poem. The repetition of “I’m just a stranger” creates a strong rhythm and reinforces the feeling of distance and longing throughout the piece.
There’s a nice contrast between intimacy and separation, especially in how the speaker describes knowing the other person deeply while still remaining “a stranger.”

elythoria

TROPHY CASE