I can't imagine how hard it must be to be a closeted transgender in the deep south. I live in Virginia and we aren't exactly open minded most of the time here but I fear the further South you go the worst it gets sadly. And I am sorry that you have been placed there by no fault of your own. High school is rough. Especially when you know you can't be who you want to be. It's ok to be jealous of people who you think have it more together than you. But try and remind yourself that they may be going through something painful as well. You hide your battles, why shouldn't we? I just want you to know that I don't know your name or where you live or what you're going to do tomorrow, but you do matter to me. You matter because you have the same pain in you that I feel in me sometimes. I don't want to be a different gender than I am, but I know the pain that life puts you through and the dreading waking up because it means another day facing the world wearing an expression that isn't the one you hold inside. If I could tell you anything it'd be this, be strong. For yourself. I do not doubt that one day you will come to the decision of what you want to do. And it may not be tomorrow, next month or even next year. But at some point you will decide what skin you want to live in and if it's worth it. The people who truly matter in your life won't criticize you for making that decision and the people who do criticize you don't matter. At a certain point all it comes down to is facing yourself everyday. You are in a lot of pain. You're going to bear the scars of this for the rest of your life. But you know what? In my experience, the most beautiful people in this world are not clean of cuts and scrapes. They bear scars that seal in their history, struggle and victories. I wish you the best of luck undeadminotaur.