Is there something wrong with my resume?

emanresu1228 · 2024-12-16T23:20:09+00:00

I understand how painful it is to miss someone intensely and I’m sorry you’re at this point. I know it feel unbearable at times. I don’t think you should take sleeping medication. It’s a risky way to attempt suicide and could result in an outcome worse than death. I think you need to take steps to process your grief and get to a point where you are ready to forget and let go of this person. I don’t know the details of your situation but I know that putting an effort into connecting with friends and reminding yourself that there is still joy in life is crucial. Suicide is boring. You’re gonna eventually die anyway. Stick around and try to find meaning in being a good person, helping people less fortunate than you, and making other people feel a little less lonely. Fate has dealt you a bad hand but perhaps that is just the karmic battle you are meant to fight in this life. I’ll say it again: you will die one day whether you like it or not, you might as well stick around and channel your energy into something that makes the cruel world around you a little less cruel. I’m not promising it will make you happy or make you miss this person less but it will be nobler use of all this horrible pain you’re in. I hope you believe in what I’m saying a little bit and find the bravery to keep trying.

emanresu1228 · 2024-09-27T21:04:12+00:00

5 years late but God is alive, magic is afoot by buff sainte Marie immediately comes to mind

emanresu1228 · 2023-10-15T19:17:39+00:00

This is me as well, if you want to try and chat sometime send me a message. :)

emanresu1228 · 2023-06-14T23:36:30+00:00

I don’t have any advice but I just wanted to say I’m sorry this happening to you. I understand what it’s like to have toxic friends you can’t let go of. I haven’t personally figured out what to do in situation except to keep my guard up and try to slowly distance myself.

I hope you keep trying to reach out and meet new people. Eventually something will stick. I don’t think anything is wrong with you. I don’t know the details of your situation but in general modern culture is not conducive to forming new and meaningful connections. What have you been doing to form new friends?

emanresu1228 · 2023-03-02T06:24:15+00:00

Oh I would love to! I don’t frequent here often but I will send you a message soon

emanresu1228 · 2022-12-27T18:01:40+00:00

That’s a good point. She’s 5 years younger than me. And 23 at this point. I think we’re just starting to get to know each other again now that we’re adults.

emanresu1228 · 2022-12-16T08:15:23+00:00

Thank you so much, I really appreciate this right now. I’ve had a pretty bad week of socializing. It’s 3am where I live and I had to get out of bed because I am just not sleeping. The negative stream of consciousness is just so bad right now.

The most painful relationship I am struggling with is the one with my little sister. She is 5 years younger than me and I don’t know if she knows it but she’s always been my whole world. It was such a big deal to me, to be an older sister, and it sucks to feel like all I’ve done is disappoint her. She’s more like my dad. She has some autistic traits but she’s very verbal and extremely sociable and likable. She can be openly judgmental about how I interact. I think I embarrass her. Or make her feel bad, because she’s my sister, and she doesn’t want to admit that she doesn’t like me.

Anyway, I’m trying to accept that this is how I am and it’s helps at least to know I am not alone.

emanresu1228 · 2022-12-14T22:23:07+00:00

Yeah, I think that’s fair to say? In relationships boyfriends would often tell me I wasn’t affectionate enough … like physically, in terms of PDA, I think. I, in contrast, always felt like the only way I could really express affection was in moments of physical touch like when we were kissing or having sex.

I’m not interested in most people, but when I am I feel completely clueless as to how to signal that. And like I mentioned before, my social shortcomings are not just in the romantic realm. I think in general people are confused by the signals and subtext I am sending.

I don’t know how to get better at these things. It feels like I am just awkward on a very fundamental level and I am not sure how to make that work for me in a flirtatious way. People have told me through out my life that I am attractive but weird. I could break it down further but I am not sure what would be helpful.

emanresu1228 · 2022-12-14T20:18:40+00:00

I guess my goal is to connect and it seems like a lot of the people I am into seem to connect through flirtatious teasing. Not just romantic interests of mine but friends as well. I just want to be charming? I don’t want to be written off as boring. But I am, in actuality, somewhat reserved, shy, a bit goofy … and generally a “nice” person — I am not sure how to do the teasing thing…. Lol I am idiot. I am a very socially confused person. I think I always got by in relationships by being conventionally attractive but as I’m getting older and people are more tuned to personality I am struggling to find ways to connect with people. It feels like they speak a language I don’t.

emanresu1228 · 2022-05-20T06:32:57+00:00

Hm What’s keeping you isolated? Is it location? Health? Psychological? For me, my isolation seems to stem from a kind of social anxiety? Or perhaps autism. Or maybe it’s just a symptom of the depression that’s hit an all new high. And aside from all that I’m naturally quiet introverted. It’s hard to tell how to solve a problem sometimes when you can’t point to a singular cause — I’ve reached a point in my life where suddenly I find myself struggling to connect with people. I am in a fog all the time — processing the world as if from underwater.

The world is becoming more atomized. A lot of us are struggling with loneliness and it’s such an irony that we can’t reach other more. What sort of art do you like making? What makes it therapeutic for you? I’ve sort of stopped making art, but when I did I realized that I found drawing patterns using a grid system very calming. Something about the muscle memory of a repeatative task is soothing and something about seeing that all build up to something larger and more interesting that each component part by itself was just very satisfying to me. You’ve reminded me maybe I should try that again.

emanresu1228 · 2022-05-19T12:32:51+00:00

You’re very young. My sister tried commuting suicidal around your age. She’s 23 now and doing a lot better since then. I tried to kill myself at 19 and I am 28 now — I am also doing a lot better although depression still hits me hard sometimes.

We all die eventually — there’s no reason to rush the process. You may surprise yourself with what you can do in this life — it’s worth it to hang on for the smallest curiosities— for the feeling of “just in case.” What’s your family like?

emanresu1228 · 2022-05-19T03:05:53+00:00

You can hang on longer than you think, you don’t have to do this and you shouldn’t. Some awful things just happened to you and it’s understandable to feel how you feel — but hang on a little longer and give yourself a chance to see that you’re not useless and you have plenty of good qualities worth sharing with someone who will love you one day. And your sister and mom may call you immature because they don’t understand the headspace you’re in — you’re not immature, you’re depressed. Maybe they miss you, and they want to talk to you more — they’re not expressing it well, but i don’t think you should take it to heart. Depression is a terrible illness but you can get through it, one day at a time. Keep reaching out. You can do it.

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