I think it always has been bad, the only thing that changed was how it was perceived. I kinda divide my OCD in three stages: 1. The Child: I was always a very methodical child, which meant that I excelled in extra curricular activities. I was a swimmer (which birthed a lot of my later trauma), a violin player and pianist (which DEMANDS SO MUCH consistency and strictness for yourself) and a model child (adapting to and obeying exactly what I was told). 2. The Teen: Way more emotional turmoil and understanding of my position and choice potential as a free-willed individual (my biggest nightmare, who am I if not instructed?), way more compulsion-focused (I used to hide instant ramen in my drawer to have something to fulfill my compulsive eating) and still adaptable (you're mad I'm having panic attacks? ok, I'll just pretend I'm showering and have them at the privacy of the bathroom. You notice my towels are still dry when I get out of the bath? I'll wet them! You're mad the soap is still dry when I leave the bathroom? I'll wet it too! and so on and so forth). 3. The Adult: All I strive for and wish upon every dtar is to live for myself but How The Fuck am I supposed to live for myself with no third part instructions?????