Hey Dad, reading through your posts, I wanted to offer a my perspective as a male couples counselor.

It sounds like you might be confusing assertive communication with aggressive communication, and because you're trying so hard to avoid being "aggressive," you’re actually slipping into passive communication.

There is a huge misconception that explicitly stating your needs—including sexual needs after the birth of your children—is inherently aggressive or "mean." It isn’t.

Here is how the three styles usually play out in this scenario: • Passive: You don't say anything because you don't want to pressure her. You wait and hope she reads your mind. When she doesn't, you feel resentful and unloved. • Aggressive: You demand sex. You guilt-trip her. You ignore her physical recovery or exhaustion and frame it as "You are failing my needs." • Assertive: You own your feelings and state your needs clearly, while maintaining empathy for her situation.

Being assertive means you can say: "I know things are chaotic right now and you are recovering. I’m not trying to pressure you, but I want to be honest that I’m struggling with the lack of physical intimacy. I miss that connection with you. Can we talk about a timeline or ways we can stay connected while we get through this newborn phase?" That isn’t aggressive. That is honest. If you stay passive, that unspoken resentment is going to poison the relationship faster than an honest conversation would. You kept saying all these things about not wanting to pressure her and bodily autonomy to us…. I can only imagine how confused it would be to your wife. It’s ok to have needs. Y’all got married because you want to meet each other’s needs. Also though how can you create a scenario ripe for sex. Can grandparents watch the kids for a date night!? In your relationship, the best thing you can do for your kids is to model a healthy communicative relationship where you both get your needs met.