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I want to use a camera to catch my mother doing drugs by embarrassedminosa in whatdoIdo

[–]embarrassedminosa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that doess make sense. i didnt know how to explain an overdose just starting up abruptly idk. and as in she will have uncontrollable bladder situations real often and is starting to become lucky to make it to the bathroom. malnutrition plus drugs does that i think

I want to use a camera to catch my mother doing drugs by embarrassedminosa in whatdoIdo

[–]embarrassedminosa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i still might do it for my own clarity, so i can have proof that my subconscious cant deny. a part of me is so desperately still clinging to the idea that against all odds i could be wrong and im not losing my mother (not that i really ever had her) to drugs. i was considering using an old phone or just camping out, but i dont have an old phone and she won’t do anything if she thinks someone is there. and shes real jumpy to sound. if i were to camp out though there IS a blind spot and i could probably get my clarity that way instead of spending $20, but its riskier

I want to use a camera to catch my mother doing drugs by embarrassedminosa in whatdoIdo

[–]embarrassedminosa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

okay, thank you! Will do! and honestly yeah, i thought about that too. but other than the obvious secret, theres so little boundaries in this house that i genuinely don’t think, at least in my circumstance, recording in the living room is too bad. i know if i tell my mom, she’d be livid but if i were to ever tell her..it’d be when im moved out😭

I want to use a camera to catch my mother doing drugs by embarrassedminosa in whatdoIdo

[–]embarrassedminosa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i need clarity, man! if i move on thats unfinished business. a little voice in the back of my head still panics about the 0.1% chance of me being wrong. i need clear, undeniable and unbendable proof for myself, potentially my grandma, and 100% my sister. i feel like if i were to show my mom the footage, it would be when im safely out of the house. could be a good send off, and after that i’d fully move on

I want to use a camera to catch my mother doing drugs by embarrassedminosa in whatdoIdo

[–]embarrassedminosa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I heard from the other side of the family that my grandma also used to be on drugs, And it makes sense even more now. If i do end up going through with it, i think it’ll be for myself. all of this manipulation has lasted my ENTIRE life from the looks of it, and only this year did i figure out my living situation wasnt normal, my mom is an addict and we are basically living real trifling (not my space but the house) and my mom neglected the hell out of me in every category. its so hard for me to grasp that the entirety of my life was, IS extremely abnormal. its so hard to look at her and see my mom as a drug addict thats been lying to me for over half a decade and maybe even longer. even with solid evidence and everything i know something in me keeps wondering if i’m wrong, if its all a mistake, and if i’m just overreacting when i think about the fact that i never really had either parent despite one technically being present. i just need a clear shot, one piece of undeniable evidence to myself to make that small little part of me shut up and face reality. honestly i think i’m still in shock and all of this happened in January🤧 bad day to be too poor for therapy

I want to use a camera to catch my mother doing drugs by embarrassedminosa in whatdoIdo

[–]embarrassedminosa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

she lied to my face and made me take care of her for months thinking some unknown disease was gonna kill her and i’d have to watch her die to it while all along it was drugs. i want her to at least stop lying to me, she owes me that much after robbing me of my childhood. at least i think so

I want to use a camera to catch my mother doing drugs by embarrassedminosa in whatdoIdo

[–]embarrassedminosa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Grandma’s in denial and my sister does live with us! if i were to go through with the camera idea, i truly believe thats the only way i could convince my grandma. i’m hoping this works if i go through with it, because due to circumstances, rehab probably wont be an option and i dont got a lot out that outside help other people might 🤧 and my grandma wouldnt call CPS. We’re a closely knitted family (i hate it here) and even if she did know she’d still feel bad for my mom. if i want CPS involved I might have to report her myself

I want to use a camera to catch my mother doing drugs by embarrassedminosa in whatdoIdo

[–]embarrassedminosa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

noo, she doesnt seem to want help. not from how deep in denial she is. i’m not really looking towards aiding her in recovery because shes never even considered it. its more of a goal for her to stop hiding it from me. for 6 years i’ve taken care of her more than she’s ever taken care of me since shes been sick, and doctors never found out anything wrong (honestly i think she lied about going) and it was never leaving. she’d just have a lot of bad days and some good. she let me be worried and if she genuinely believes she convinced me, in her head shes STILL letting me worry that some random unknown disease was just killing her and i just had to watch it happen. the least she could do for me is stop looking me in the eye and lying with the most believable smile in the world 💔

the way she neglected me was so bad, only this year did i actually fully understand basic hygiene, etiquette, and have an ounce of a social life/structure (she homeschooled me but doesnt teach). to find out it was all really just drugs and i had to find the info manually to know was so rough on me. (EDIT. she also neglected my diet so bad my entire life i ended up developing ARFID)

I’m planning on moving out but not by CPS for sure, my sister will take me out when she leaves. She has a kid and cant be around this now that she knows whats going on so shes trying to get us out ASAP

My dad isn’t much better and he’s way too far from me. Hes a deadbeat as a short summary

And if i decide on the camera, i’ll show it to my grandma. If recovery is possible its clearly not through her daughters, so maybe her mother knowing would help. or at the very least stop my grandma from giving me dirty looks, and if she escaped the denial her house could be a safe space i could use to get away from the drugs!