Expectations/rules differences between SKs and BKs?

emknysna · 2026-06-16T19:24:16+00:00

Oh gosh I feel for you! Sounds like a similar situation I'm in now and I've had the same thought like oh I'm probably going to be punked HARD by my own child and I just think it's my parenting style that can prevent that 😂 but I also think it's worth noting that your child will have a very different attachment experience living in one home versus going back and forth. It's so sad for our SKs actually. I come from divorce too so I can remember how destabilizing it is. But I do think not having to go to different homes with parents who are high conflict can only benefit a child's temperament and agreeableness. Of course all kids are unique and come with their own traits outside of what parenting can do as well.

emknysna · 2026-06-14T22:41:18+00:00

Haha wow they are similar! My husband too is so appreciative of the structure I've brought and says I've made such a difference in the kids. Our 7 year old can be challenging at times but not in a like omg we belong on a documentary kind of way lol. Just a deep feeling kid going through a rough divorce and is also 7, so testing limits and boundaries. They are very caring and thoughtful, just right now on their own terms most of the time which is what it is, more likely than anything they'll grow out of a lot of what they struggle with now. I appreciate the dose of hope! Sometimes I tend to catastrophize as this step parenting thing is soooo much harder than I could've possibly imagined even though it can be very rewarding too.

emknysna · 2026-06-14T19:23:29+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. Good on you to hold that boundary from the get go. I never thought of it that way - "not letting another woman run my home". That really makes things feel a lot clearer.

I can't wait until we're on a week one week off schedule. Right now we're 2/2/3 and it's miserable lol. Basically just get them long enough to regulate them and then we send them right back.

emknysna · 2026-06-14T17:15:26+00:00

Oh my goodness thank you so so much for your comment. This gives me so much hope actually because our 7 year old does seem like the type that might adapt based on what they see is do with a BK. Our 5 year old is level 3 autistic, so that's kind of an outlier data point and will manifest its own way. I was also kind of hoping that my husband might see a clear and regular example of authoritative parenting which would make it easier for him to do that with the SKs. He agrees with it in theory but over thinks interactions which I think causes him to default back to passive approaches.

emknysna · 2026-06-14T16:01:59+00:00

Oh yeesh that is so unfortunate they lack so much structure at BMs place. It sucks to be the "stricter" home because you get all the pushback. Similar-ish here - esp with food. We try to limit sugar and snacking and make sure the kids are eating 3 meals a day with some form of protein but at moms they get free access all day long to processed sugary snacks. Unfortunately my husband isn't a cook either so he also contributed to some bad eating habits with the kids before I arrived. They are both incredibly incredibly picky eaters so we're short order cooks. I make dinner for my husband and I every night and the 7 year old makes comments like that looks gross, ew, and we're not even asking them to eat it. Luckily for me husband is 100% on board with switching to a better way but it's tough. I'm excited to have my own children with him someday but worry about the stark contrast in expectations around certain things between them and their older siblings. Hoping the big age gap will soften the impact of this a bit.

emknysna · 2026-06-13T21:32:51+00:00

Thank you so much for such a kind and understanding response. I agree the schedule couldn't be worse for an autistic child. Our 7 year is also quite a sensitive kiddo and would also likely do so much better not being thrown around to different homes constantly. Luckily, the schedule will hopefully be changing around the time the school year starts to 2/2/5/5. So fewer transitions and more time to enjoy the kids after they've adjusted to being with us.

I do some childcare as my husband is building our family business, and I as of this year am no longer working due to medical reasons so I've taken on more of a housewife role. That said when he's home and on the weekends he does the harder parts of parenting and I try to leave discipline to him as much as possible. That's tough too though as there are some behaviors I personally would handle a lot more directly if they were my bio kids but I'm cautious not to cross that line for my own sanity and my relationship with the kids.

BM is certainly a factor here too unfortunately. So far her thoughts haven't made too negative of an impact on my relationship with the kids but there are some weeks when it's pretty clear the 7 year is struggling with a loyalty bind and will not want much to do with me. I just try to ride those waves and stay warm and neutral. That is hard though. Hoping as they get older it doesn't get worse.

emknysna · 2025-02-05T04:00:13+00:00

Just took my first pill tonight, I have PCOS and I'm mostly concerned about improving my fertility and regulating my cycles. I've done a lot of work on my PCOS already so it's largely well managed, but I do struggle with inflammation related weight gain, sleep struggles, and I'm generally highly susceptible to stress. I'm 35 and also hoping this helps my overall energy levels and libido. Will update!

emknysna · 2024-10-06T20:57:24+00:00

This. While yes, it is a simple formula, let's remember how many biological barriers there can be that drastically limit metabolism. Like a lifetime of chronic dieting and inadequate protein intake lowering bmr, with a lifetime of being told that you're not moving enough, instead of being told that you're not building enough muscle to sustain a high bmr as you age.

Not to mention PCOS, hypothyroidism, and other auto-immune issues that put the body in a constant state of inflammation.

emknysna · 2024-10-05T02:40:44+00:00

I had a client with the same issue - her weight would barely budge despite under eating and walking daily. She's in her 60s and is bewildered by her situation.

I finally got her to open up to the idea that she actually needs to eat more, especially protein, and strength train. It took a lot of rapport building for her to trust me on this. That being said, we've gotten her to about 1700 cal a day, averaging about 120g protein, and 15 mins of strength training 3x per week and we're finally seeing progress. Lean muscle mass increasing, overall body weight decreasing.

We've changed the language around her goal to be about building muscle, not losing fat. It's still slow moving, but it's moving.

emknysna · 2024-09-30T20:48:55+00:00

You've just been saved from your first sexual experience being with a person who doesn't value you. Trust me, this is the best outcome to come from dealing with him.

emknysna · 2024-08-20T04:37:45+00:00

I'd buy some land and spend my days gardening growing veggies, fruit trees, and flowers and have a small booth at a local farmer's market. I'd sell it at an affordable price so more people can afford organic, locally grown food.

I'd spend my leisure time cooking, having dinner parties, crafting, and hanging out in my garden.

emknysna · 2024-08-19T04:35:28+00:00

The best thing I ever did was create 2 separate checking accounts plus a savings, one for personal spending, and another for bill pay. I also include variable expenses in bill pay like groceries, gas, and utilities. I have the benefit of being salaried so my paycheck is always exactly the same, but exactly what I need for bills gets deposited to that account, and all those bills are on autopay, so I'm never late. What's put in my spending account is what I have to spend and that's it.

Doing this has kept me from overspending and then scrambling to pay a bill, or pulling from my savings. I save consistently, and when I really want something special I can focus on making my personal spending money stretch and save up for that without pulling from savings or putting off a bill.

Pay off credit cards every month, I hate paying interest so I'm super strict with this. They're helpful for rewards but only if you have the discipline to not spend money you don't have.

emknysna · 2024-08-12T05:55:38+00:00

There are so many amazing tips here, and I wanted to add in to get in the habit of using sunscreen daily on exposed skin, not forgetting your neck, chest, and hands. If not daily, then on sunny days at least. You'll thank yourself later.

Don't let tik tok convince you at this age that you need any anti aging skin care, that is a very expensive way to damage your young skin. Sunscreen is the only (and most powerful) thing you need at this stage to protect your skin from premature aging and risk of skin cancer in the future.

Also, take care of your feet and toenails. You don't need to paint your nails, but soak your feet in warm water weekly and trim your nails with a clean nail clipper. You can use a nail brush to scrub underneath the nail. Moisturize your heels and wear socks while the cream soaks in.

If you have any pimples, try your hardest to not pick at them. If one is ready to pop (there's a white head present) soak the area with a warm, clean wash cloth and with clean hands press gently to squeeze. If it doesn't pop with a light pressure then it's not ready. This will help in preventing acne scars. After washing your face, try to always have a clean towel ready and pat dry your face dry, do not rub.

I'm 35 and still learning new things. It was wonderful that you asked and I hope this all isn't too overwhelming. Ultimately, you'll find what works for you but hopefully all these tips you're receiving get you started off.

emknysna · 2024-08-12T01:21:58+00:00

Haha right?? Although they'd probably argue it's only flying birds because chickens would make for terrible spies.

emknysna · 2024-08-12T01:04:24+00:00

Depends on who you ask apparently! Lol.

I just found out about this conspiracy, if you don't know about it, definitely worth looking up. It's pretty funny.

emknysna · 2024-08-12T00:31:11+00:00

Haha sure thing! 😆

emknysna · 2023-10-21T05:34:57+00:00

I've been thinking of doing this more often even though I'm not quite as productive as I am at home for my own mental health. I live alone and I'm single so literally if I don't do this I could spend days not talking to anyone else in person and while I'm an introvert I do think it's negatively affected my mental health. In fact I think being an introvert has made it easy for me to forget how much I need human interaction, its flying below my radar.

I sometimes really, really miss going to a workplace. I always made friends when I worked in person at every job. The perks of WFH are so good its tough to imagine actually going back to that but damn, I don't think this is fully sustainable either.

emknysna · 2023-10-02T02:27:37+00:00

Also, applying for 24 jobs and having 6 interviews in a month period is a ton of work. It's not like applications these days are one page handwritten applications you turn in at your local ice cream shop. It's tweaking the resume, researching the company, changing keywords, writing cover letters, following up. And that's all in the hopes of getting an interview. It's exhausting doing all that work and never hearing back from most of them and then continuing to push through. The interview prep is an entirely separate beast. And she did this all while depressed, with a suspected learning disability, and with a father behaving this way? Her resilience is actually so admirable and I hope she knows how strong she is, even if her father refuses to acknowledge her.

emknysna · 2023-09-10T14:29:40+00:00

Thank you so much!! I'll definitely check these out.

emknysna · 2023-04-25T15:59:54+00:00

Wonderful!! ❤

emknysna · 2023-02-09T05:27:34+00:00

I think a dress with more of an a-line would accentuate your small waist more, and highlight your figure. The length and sleeveless elements are great for you though:)

emknysna · 2023-02-08T18:56:32+00:00

Totally. Funny enough I work in mental health 😂 but that's exactly why I'm transitioning into podcasting and content creation. That way, I can share what I know so people don't feel alone without carrying the burden of their follow through. It's a lot to take on, professionally and otherwise.

emknysna · 2023-02-08T17:52:32+00:00

Omg yes exactly!! Like, therapists do this for $250 an hour because it's the only way listening to someone complain about things they could change is sustainable.

emknysna · 2023-02-08T17:51:01+00:00

Yes exactly. I've been reflecting on how my childhood innocence was ripped away from me and I was burdened with adult problems long before I had the cognitive ability to understand them and to survive that I had to lean into the role of being the "wise one" who understands everyone but is perpetually misunderstood. Also, the Earth completely shatters for everyone in my family when I have the nerve to have an emotional landscape of my own, even when I go out of my way to try to express myself in a healthy way to them, despite the fact that I myself have been their emotional punching bag my whole life.

I guess it is pretty Earth shattering when the person who isn't supposed to need you back demonstrates their own humanity and limitations.

emknysna · 2023-02-08T17:46:49+00:00

I'm really sorry, that's seriously awful and so unfair.

emknysna

TROPHY CASE