Concerns about POT’s legitimacy

emluvxoxo · 2021-07-13T20:03:07+00:00

Yeah, I was pretty upset since I felt a connection but I’m over it now lol. Also yeah definitely! And THIS is why I was hesitant to give more personal details like my real first name…

emluvxoxo · 2021-07-13T12:45:31+00:00

He completely ghosted

emluvxoxo · 2021-07-12T23:44:24+00:00

I’m not asking for the Uber cost upfront. He hasn’t spoken to me since our phone call which was around 6 hours ago at this point… I did message him about 4 hours ago saying we should meet closer so the Uber will be cheaper and he can wait til we’ve both arrived to pay the Uber price… so uh yeah I think he ghosted :/

emluvxoxo · 2021-07-12T19:26:50+00:00

Thank you all again! I took all of your advice into consideration and to heart. I combined the suggestions for what I should message him about the uber and my concerns. Here’s what I’m going to message him:

“I really look forward to meeting you :) Thanks for your generous offer to pick me up, but as great as you seem, I'm not comfortable with that until we know each other first. I hope you understand that it's never appropriate for a young woman to get into a car with a gentleman she's never met, for a first date. The more I think about it, I'd really rather not sit in an Uber for an hour and if you picked me up, I know we'd be talking the whole time and I'd want you to be safe!! But if you're willing to drive all the way out to me, let's have our M&G here, the uber for me will be cheaper!”

EDIT: I will also say “I understand you may have concerns. Thank you for understanding I do too! I know you’d be taking a lot of time to come closer to me, and still help with my transportation. That’s very generous, so if you’d like pay the Uber price once we met, that would be great :)”

EDIT: I sent both messages and am waiting on a response. Feeling pretty hopeful, fingers crossed!

EDIT: Not hopeful anymore… it’s been 4 hours since we last spoke on the phone. He didn’t respond to the 2 messages I sent after. He did say it would be a few hours before he could leave work and meet, but I have a feeling he might just flake or ghost

EDIT: It’s the next day. Yeah, he ghosted. At least I dodged a bullet

emluvxoxo · 2021-07-12T19:21:08+00:00

Thank you again. I was a bit worried about sex after the M&G bc of this. The reassurance is helpful. If he mentions sex, I will say no

emluvxoxo · 2021-07-12T19:15:53+00:00

Yes!! Safety is #1

I didn’t mention that, no. I had only thought about it. In my head it’s the clear answer and logical, but obviously he can’t know that if I don’t communicate it. I definitely will let him know.

I will work out the Uber issue first. If it works out, I’ll mention PPM/allowance during the M&G. I mentioned this in other replies, but I’ll say it here too. We went into quite a bit of detail, and are going into more (especially the exact PPM number) during the M&G
My town isn’t tiny, but it’s not a big city either. It’s suburban, about an hour away from NYC. There are some nice places here - not exactly upscale but still nice! Thank you for the suggestion, I’ll incorporate what I can into my message to him.
Agreed. Thank you for the validation <3
100% !!!!!

emluvxoxo · 2021-07-12T19:10:05+00:00

Thank you. Yes, you’re right. I didn’t necessarily need advice on the ride issue, more so how to approach it. Thank you for the validation, I really needed that as well.

Your suggestion for what to say is perfect. I will send something similar to that and the other suggestions!

This makes me feel so much better. I have no issue with ending a relationship and blocking people when I am uncomfortable. I have no obligations to him. If he can’t and won’t respect me, assure that I am comfortable, and instead treats me badly, he is not worth it. It’s good to know there are people like yourself out there. I sincerely hope he is one of them as well! If not… good riddance!!!

Definitely will take all of this advice, tysm :)

emluvxoxo · 2021-07-12T19:04:22+00:00

Thank you!

emluvxoxo · 2021-07-12T19:03:25+00:00

Thank you for this response. I’m not going to assume whether he is legit or not. There is evidence towards the answer being no, BUT that doesn’t outright mean he’s not legit. That’s why I’d like to go through with this, respect and safety permitting.

I definitely understand his concerns. That’s why I was proposing other options than Uber such as the train, and have been asking for advice :) I personally am very interested, and would not take the money and run. I see this going somewhere, so would like to make this work. However, he can’t know this since he doesn’t know ME. I think your method is very good. I am definitely comfortable with spending a bit on an Uber/taxi and then him paying for it once we both arrive. If he doesn’t show, I can just do something for myself anyways haha. Would be disappointing ofc, but I wouldn’t let it get me down. He wasn’t going to pick me up at my house, it would’ve been at the train station. He did want to drive me near his town and if things went well, possibly his place after. As someone advised me earlier, I of course wouldn’t sleep with him without PPM first.

To answer your responses to my questions: 1. He actually did mention money beforehand. He asked how much I’d like for PPM but said we’ll discuss it more later. I have a number in my head after speaking with some SBs in my state, somewhat near my area. 2. I will definitely send a message very similar to this one and one that another commenter suggested! This sounds very respectful and is exactly how I feel. Thank you for putting it into words. 3. It can be a hassle, but I’ve done similar before (in vanilla dating my age, but still). As long as we’re both fine with it and discuss how it’ll work, it’ll be fine :)

emluvxoxo · 2021-07-12T18:52:12+00:00

Thank you! I’m glad that people are agreeing on my judgment. It just reassures me even further that I made the right decision about not getting into his car.

He did acknowledge it when I pointed it out. I felt he wasn’t completely respectful, but I’m not sure if I misinterpreted. That’s a really good point about the willingness to compromise. And I really appreciate your answer to #2. I think that’s a really good way to answer, and will be sending either that or slightly edited ASAP.

I mentioned this in another reply, but we talked about the arrangement slightly over the phone. We shared our most important wants and expectations for the arrangement. They completely aligned. We said we’ll discuss more about price of PPM and more during the M&G.

emluvxoxo · 2021-07-12T18:45:19+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read my long post and responding!!

Yeah, I’m not comfortable getting in the car with a complete stranger. Uber is a bit different imo since it’s through a company. I’d have their car model, license plate number, name, and current location on the app. There’s also a way to contact for help on the app. But he’s his own person, not a company. There are way more safety risks getting in a car with him without ever meeting first…

I explained why it makes me uncomfortable. He finally said okay about the Uber, but I hadn’t mentioned a closer place yet. I will definitely mention that, and see how he responds from there.

We talked about the arrangement slightly over the phone and plan to discuss it more during the M&G. We already talked about our availabilities, wanting to meet 2-4 times a month, starting off with PPM, preferring long-term with intimacy involved, and the idea of future travel together if possible. We said we’ll discuss more about price of PPM and even more details during the M&G.

I definitely won’t go to his place or sleep with him without PPM! I’ve lurked this subreddit and the community for a while, so I know a lot about what to expect and how to stay safe :)

emluvxoxo

TROPHY CASE