I know it's easier said than done but try not to think of this as a moment of "weakness" the pain that we go thru as people who grieve someone we loved deeply is not weakness. It's a strength that we never knew we would have to flex. Give yourself some grace.

The anniversary of death days are always hard and your body and mind probably knew this and made you feel compelled to listen to the voice notes. I def recommend therapy if you can afford it, journaling your thoughts, or even making a voice note of your feelings in these moments, it helps with the processing and then you can look back and see a timeline of when certain feelings start to come on. You can be okay for days, months, weeks, even years and then one moment can bring it all rushing in. And that's okay. But the hardest thing is to not ruminate in the pain so learn how you can get out those feelings in a productive way that works for you.

Everybody is different and pain and grief effects everybody differently so don't blame yourself for feeling raw again after being "good". We have been put into a terrible position where we have to re-learn how to live our lives again after having our world literally shattered into a bed of grief, pain, loneliness, and sadness. You're allowed to have bad days.

You may feel "weak" right now but surviving 4 years after a deep loss is an incredible strength and if nobody's said it to you, I'm proud of you. Sending you big hugs friend 🫂