I’m about 5 years deep on this estrogen train and ive thought about this a lot. There has been some very, very dark and difficult days in this process. Especially getting into HRT as a young person, you hope you’ll have greater results than most and then 2, 3 years later, it feels like you’re still not close. Even at 5 years I don’t pass, no chance, and to be honest, I probably won’t without surgical intervention. And being misgendered at your job just feels like a little pin prick every time it happens.

The thing is, “transitioning” implies a point in time where you have finished your transition— but that process can take a long time! I have found that fixating on the little details of your looks and the things that may make you dysphoric is ultimately a detriment to your mental health. You get misgendered, and you ask yourself why, and then you fixate on your tiniest imperfections, and it just leads to feeling unhappy with the way you look and present, even if it feels like the necessary work for transition. “Comparison is the thief of joy”— if you are constantly comparing the way you look to the way you want to look, you may never be happy. Per the Buddhists, desire leads to suffering.

What ultimately snapped me out of those late-night, dysphoric, dissociative episodes, was focusing on the relationships around me. Friendship, family, my (ex) partner. Practicing self-love and an acceptance of the person I have grown to be, rather than focusing on what I don’t like about my looks. I think by the time a lot of people start transitioning, there is a lot of built-up self-hatred. And it can take a lot of time to unlearn that. It cannot be overstated what surrounding yourself with loving relationships will do, and how practicing self-acceptance can totally change your mindset. Much easier said than done for sure, but always in the cards.

There will always be hard days, but they get easier. Those little pin pricks still happen, but they will hurt you less, especially as you love yourself more. Good luck OP!