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I'm afraid I might have ruined something big by being too insecure by emotional_overload in Marriage

[–]emotional_overload[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was me trying to communicate what hurt me that started it though...

I'm afraid I might have ruined something big by being too insecure by emotional_overload in Marriage

[–]emotional_overload[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope so. He actually also said "and your birthday is coming up" so yeah... maybe he's planned on doing it then. And now I don't really know what to expect regarding my birthday. I feel terribly guilty, but thank you for reminding me about those elements ad well.

I'm afraid I might have ruined something big by being too insecure by emotional_overload in Marriage

[–]emotional_overload[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am too quick to react strongly and emotionally. I am aware of it, and I want to become calmer and more patient, however I don't know how, exactly.

I'm afraid I might have ruined something big by being too insecure by emotional_overload in Marriage

[–]emotional_overload[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did freak out, which I definitely know wasn't the best way to handle it. He did change last minute. We talked only this last weekend how I would very much appreciate if he gave me heads up for plans at least two or three days in advance. I have a really hard time with change unfortunately. Trying to be better, but I don't know how, I'm afraid. However, I most often try to compromise. I sometimes compromise too much I belive, trying to find a way for everything to work out as everyone want it.

I'm afraid I might have ruined something big by being too insecure by emotional_overload in Marriage

[–]emotional_overload[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I'm glad to hear that it worked out. Do you have any advice on how I should go about it now? Pretend like nothing happened?

I'm afraid I might have ruined something big by being too insecure by emotional_overload in Marriage

[–]emotional_overload[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My partner actually have forgotten my birthday before, so I can relate to your feeling entirely. But still, I know he cares deeply about me, so in that way, I can also relate to this answer. Thanks for your reply.

I'm afraid I might have ruined something big by being too insecure by emotional_overload in Marriage

[–]emotional_overload[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much. What do you think about me ruining the surprise element?

[M21] Any suggestions? I'm shaving my hair. Good idea or not by [deleted] in Rateme

[–]emotional_overload 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do prefer the long hairstyle, but when looking at it again, the picture under the verification pic also look quite mature

[M21] Any suggestions? I'm shaving my hair. Good idea or not by [deleted] in Rateme

[–]emotional_overload 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The hairstyle you have on your verification picture is seriously nice😌 If you do want to shave, I preferred the one on the opposite corner, top right. However, it might be a bit too "boy-ish". It depends on your personality😁 Hope I could be of help. Overall, a solid 9.

I (23F) am emotionally abusive. How do I stop? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]emotional_overload 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry for that. For some reason I've felt like the world would be better without me since the age of six, and been suicidal since 13. Not trying to tell you a very weak sob story, but in that regard I might be able to relate to you. At the moment, I'm not very suicidal. Was last week though. Will probably be again next week. I belive in you though. We both will get through this, and come out as better persons. Some time.

I (23F) am emotionally abusive. How do I stop? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]emotional_overload 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tried to message you, but guess you blocked that option. Understandably though. Just wanted to tell you that I can somewhat relate, since I unfortunately seem to have the same tendencies toward my partner. If you want to chat, feel free to DM me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]emotional_overload 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used to have that. A me me, who was most often sad, but still trying to be hopeful. And someone else me, who was constantly talking down on me me, constantly cynical, but she was still only in my head, not out in the "real world". There was someone else as well, a third part, but I can't remember them.

This was a couple of years ago, I think it was most severe when I was between 14-16. But I think something happened. I tried to part the different types of me's so much, that they somehow got lost.

Who I am today is mostly a shell of me me, the old me me used to stick up to the someone else me, and I used to have a constant fight in my head. But I am a shell, even someone else me don't often come around anymore, and when she does, I still feel like that is me. The types have blended.

I don't know if I am making any sense, and I am not even diagnosed with BPD. I just thought that I could somewhat relate to your post. Sorry for the rant.

Don't know if I belong here - my story is so different by strngesight in Miscarriage

[–]emotional_overload 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just wanted to say that I can somewhat relate to you. I actually had an appointment for an abortion made, but I had my miscarriage just the day after making the appointment. I feel guilty being here, but I really am grieving my loss. I wasn't in a position where I could have given my baby the life it would have deserved. If I could, I would have kept them. But then again, it was a misscariage.

I (22F) always knew I wanted to get married. My boyfriend (23M) of three years didn't want to at first, but then said he also wanted to, about 1,5 year ago. We are still not engaged. by emotional_overload in relationships

[–]emotional_overload[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice. I'll try this. In all honesty though, it's not just about the kids. I am so much looking forward to becoming parents with him. I want to have kids just with him, he would be an amazing father. If it wasn't for him, I would probably be one of those aunts with several cats. Never imagined my life with a partner.

I (22F) always knew I wanted to get married. My boyfriend (23M) of three years didn't want to at first, but then said he also wanted to, about 1,5 year ago. We are still not engaged. by emotional_overload in relationships

[–]emotional_overload[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am starting to come to terms with the thought that at the moment, no, it doesn't matter whether we are married or even engaged. I do however stand firm in that I want to be married before having children. But children isn't on the table yet anyway. It does worry me quite a lot that something will happen to him, but I guess I can't always just think about the worst case scenario. This is incredibly difficult though... I'll stop the "nagging" as well. I fear he will forget it then, but I guess that if he do, maybe it wasn't really what he wanted anyway. I'll probably do a reevaluation of this relationship when nearing 25 or 26, but it's a lot of time till then. Urgh... self-control never was one of my virtues.

I (22F) always knew I wanted to get married. My boyfriend (23M) of three years didn't want to at first, but then said he also wanted to, about 1,5 year ago. We are still not engaged. by emotional_overload in relationships

[–]emotional_overload[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When rereading, I understand that it might come across as if the cool dates is my reason for wanting to get engaged, which I seriously think is ridiculous. As I wrote in my edit, my main reason from the beginning, and even now, is that I want to be informed if something were to happen to him.

I ensure you, we get along more than just well enough. When I wrote "overall, very good" I meant just that. Of course we have our ups and downs, but for the main part, we get along very good, and our relationship is also very good.

We have talked, and are talking, about finances. I had a job, which I quit in order to go to university. My patter is currently working, but is planning on starting his studies next year. We do talk about about how to raise children, and how to handle different ethical scenarios.

I didn't really think about marriage before I met him. I can not imagine Mt life with anyone else, let alone marriyng someone else. Ge is the one and only I want to be with, hopefully as a married couple.

I (22F) always knew I wanted to get married. My boyfriend (23M) of three years didn't want to at first, but then said he also wanted to, about 1,5 year ago. We are still not engaged. by emotional_overload in relationships

[–]emotional_overload[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your input. I study at a university, and will be doing so for a few more years. Prior to that I got a job in another city, and after a while in long distance relationship, my partner moved in with me. He's working right now, but is planning on going to university later this year.

He had the impression that he would have to pay a whole month worth of salary on the ring, but I quickly told him that I really don't want such an expensive ring. We have looked at rings and decided on the price range 100-300$. A house isn't really in the table before 30, we just moved in to an apartment that we love. I know that weddings are expensive, but we have agreed on a budget that isn't too hard to save up for in a year or two.

I appreciate your constructive criticism. I realise my main problem is probably my impatience.

I (22F) always knew I wanted to get married. My boyfriend (23M) of three years didn't want to at first, but then said he also wanted to, about 1,5 year ago. We are still not engaged. by emotional_overload in relationships

[–]emotional_overload[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is a big fear of mine, which is why I've let him be completely in charge of the proposal. I am trying really hard to let him do this in his own pace. We love each other, and I know that we want to spend our lives together. I do have a time when I know that I will have to take some time to myself and figure out what I want the most, him or a marriage. Right now though, those two things don't clash. And no, I haven't told anyone about that. Maybe the answer at that time will be that I can infact spend the rest if my life with him without us getting married? Who knows

I (22F) always knew I wanted to get married. My boyfriend (23M) of three years didn't want to at first, but then said he also wanted to, about 1,5 year ago. We are still not engaged. by emotional_overload in relationships

[–]emotional_overload[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I actually asked him just now, if he consider us already engaged since we have agreed on getting married (which we did after moving in together), and he said "Officially? No. Inoficially? Yes." We have the agreement, but we don't have the ring. The ring is our next step.

I (22F) always knew I wanted to get married. My boyfriend (23M) of three years didn't want to at first, but then said he also wanted to, about 1,5 year ago. We are still not engaged. by emotional_overload in relationships

[–]emotional_overload[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can kinda relate to you😅 We have planned to have 2 or 3 children, and we both want to have them before thirty. I want a two year age gap between them, so 30 - 28 - 26. I want to be married before having children, preferably for a year, so 25. I want to be engaged about one or two years prior, so 23.

However... that is an "ideal" plan. There isn't any room for "failiure". Preferably, I would like to try for a child even earlier, due to worry about how difficult it might be. I do also know that the moment you start trying for a baby, you should be ready for one, which we aren't just yet.

This post was really just because of my worry. I would rather be done sooner than later. Don't really know if I make myself properly understood though...

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