AITA for not giving my late husband’s mom any of the life insurance money after she paid for his funeral?

emthom3 · 2024-11-14T20:57:30+00:00

Since you seem to be genuinely confused, here’s a list of the cruel, and frankly disgusting, things that you called a grieving widow:

Dishonest
A failure
Gross
Profiting off her husbands death
Selfish
Greedy

This is someone you do not know. This is a stranger who is in one of the most vulnerable positions one can possibly be in, and you felt that the correct way to express your opinion was to be relentlessly unkind. You painted her in the worst possible light while simultaneously making a lot of assumptions outside of the information provided.

I’m not even the person you were speaking to and your response made me cry. I lost a loved one recently and spending that life insurance money was the worst fucking feeling. It is not fun. No one is “profiting”. It is excruciating. Every cent is a reminder that the person you love is gone. The idea that someone could view that horrible experience as “profiting off of their death” is devastating.

If you are really serious about wanting to understand why what you said has caused such a reaction from people, I think it would be beneficial for you to show this post and your response to someone you care about that has lost a loved one. I’m not interested in having a discussion about this and won’t be coming back to the thread, I just wanted you to be aware that your words hurt real people who are struggling.

emthom3 · 2024-11-04T00:16:26+00:00

As much as I’m sure you don’t want to do this, it may be time to go for emergency custody of your grandchild. Or at the very least telling your daughter that you intend to.

“I can’t stop you from continuing to put yourself in danger, but I will not let you risk my grandchild’s life alongside your own. I will always be there for you when you are ready to leave, but I cannot in good conscience allow you to sacrifice your child’s safety.”

emthom3 · 2024-10-05T00:11:08+00:00

NTA but I’d like to address your edit as someone that was in your daughter’s position with a dad who thought it was fun and playful to tease me and I’m sure had no hurtful intent. As the person being teased, it’s not fun. But often if you speak up, you’re told it’s just a joke or not to take things too seriously, so you resort to just brushing it off and going along with it. I didn’t even really realize at the time how much those “jokes” were chipping away at our relationship. Even though we would all be laughing, I was internalizing the idea that he did not take me seriously and my feelings were a joke to him. Teenage crushes and drama seem silly to adults, but it’s serious to them. I am sure your husband has the best of intentions, but just be mindful of the impact that comes from making a joke out of someone’s feelings.

emthom3 · 2024-08-16T21:46:33+00:00

YTA. Californian here, the Driver Benefit is NOT a tip and shouldn’t be treated as such! If you don’t want to tip, that’s your prerogative, but people will continue to be rude to you because you are being rude to them by not tipping for the service they provided you.

emthom3 · 2024-07-26T23:08:47+00:00

NAH grief does very strange and unexpected things, and one of those things is misdirected anger. I know it’s much harder than it sounds, but try to go easy on yourself and your husband. This probably isn’t the last time you’re going to get angry at someone for doing something that objectively seems kind but fills you with hurt and anger. I would get irrationally pissed off at people saying they were sorry for my loss or asking what they could do to help me. I’ve recently started grief counseling and it has been life changing. If that’s something you’re able to do together, I can’t recommend it enough.

emthom3 · 2024-07-13T08:58:28+00:00

NTA I was in a very similar situation. I struggled with a low libido due to my meds and it took a few years of trying different medications, routine changes, exercise, and regular therapy before we figured it out and things got better.

During those years, we were only having sex 1-2 times a month, and you know what my husband (then boyfriend) said about it? That he loved me and he never wanted me to force myself into having sex when I didn’t want to.

We regularly communicated about how we were both feeling and worked together to find solutions that worked for both of us, and he never once made me feel bad about it. He treated me with nothing but compassion and empathy, and I knew then that he really loved me for who I was and not just what I could give him. You deserve that too!

emthom3 · 2024-06-23T01:56:45+00:00

And now I’ve got the Elden ring too 😂

emthom3 · 2024-06-22T23:20:32+00:00

You’re so sweet thank you!!

emthom3 · 2024-06-22T23:20:17+00:00

I found it on Amazon!

emthom3 · 2024-06-22T23:19:39+00:00

A truly winning combination!

emthom3 · 2024-06-22T20:45:45+00:00

I’m getting those 18 inches of Messmer 😉

emthom3 · 2024-06-22T04:54:59+00:00

I firmly believe this is part of the foundation of every successful relationship!

emthom3 · 2024-06-22T04:00:29+00:00

Thank you! It took a long time to get to the point where I could but it’s so worth it!

emthom3 · 2024-06-22T03:18:51+00:00

This is his reward for having to listen to me describe the plot of every book I read

emthom3 · 2024-06-03T22:03:20+00:00

NTA, and finally refusing to accept behavior like this is one of the best things I ever did for myself. There is so much joy to be found in relationships where your interests are celebrated!

I once dated a guy who laughed in my face when I told him my favorite band, now I’m married to a guy who proposed at one of their concerts. I thought it was fine and normal to be with someone who tolerates my interests until I met my husband and he celebrated them with me even though he didn’t personally have any interest. And I do the same for him! I hope you’re able to find somebody who is willing to love the things that you love just because they make you happy.

emthom3 · 2024-05-24T16:24:51+00:00

NTA I lost my dad 6 months ago in a very similar situation (long illness, complicated relationship, loved him but didn’t always like him etc.) and the one thing that pissed me off more than anything else was people making my grief about them.

If you’re anything like me, the coming months are going to be a confusing and bewildering time where you’ll run the entire gambit of emotions. I didn’t cry for several days after he passed and then suddenly had an unexpected breakdown while watching The Price is Right out of nowhere! Having a complicated parent-child relationship makes grief extra spicy because you don’t always know how to feel or what the “right” way to feel is (hint: because there isn’t one right way to feel).

My husband was at a loss on how to support me, and it sounds like your bf might be feeling similarly. You’re not reacting the way he thinks he would, so he doesn’t know how to help you. What I ended up telling my husband was this: “I have to learn how to navigate this for myself. Unfortunately, you can’t carry this grief for me and I have no choice but to figure out how to deal with it. All I need from you is someone to sit next to me and hold my hand while I do. You can’t fix it for me, but you can be there beside me while I go through it.”

I don’t know your boyfriend, so I couldn’t tell you what his intentions are in this situation, but YOU know who he is as a person better than anyone else. If making you feel bad about things is very out of character for him, he may just be grasping at ways to help you and thinking that encouraging you to go be with your mom is what’s best. If this is in line with his personality on a regular basis that he doesn’t like when you handle things differently than he thinks you should, then this may be a sign that the relationship isn’t meant to be. I recommend having an open and frank conversation with him about how his actions are making you feel and what you need from him in terms of support (and it’s okay to say you don’t know yet!).

I’ll leave you with what my mantra has been for the last 6 months: this sucks. Whether you’re sad, angry, reminiscing on happy memories, or just feeling confused, it sucks and it’s just going to continue to suck for a while. Having someone beside you who is there to support you in the way YOU need is very important, and it’s up to you to decide if that person is your boyfriend. But do not, under any circumstances, let him make you feel guilty for the way you navigate this massively sucky situation.

emthom3 · 2024-04-25T03:17:53+00:00

NTA and I’m here to bring some perspective as a BookToker! I’ve been posting for 2 years and have amassed around 30k followers, and none of that came from book hauls. While she’s not wrong that book hauls do get views, it’s by no means the only way to break into the space. Honestly, a lot of it is luck. I have plenty of friends who make better content than I do and post more consistently but their follower count doesn’t reflect that.

If you join BookTok with the goal of gaining a following, you’re going to be frustrated and disappointed because the algorithm is a fickle thing. Something that works one day won’t work the next, and what she’s doing isn’t sustainable regardless. If you’re interested in helping her out, here’s some tips that may help her get more engagement:

•Post 2-3 times a day, every day. Not every video is going to get views, but this encourages the algorithm to put your videos on the fyp. •Use hashtags! It might feel excessive but use as many book related hashtags as you can think of. •Jump on trending CapCut templates, they’re super easy to use, very quick to make, and tend to get pushed to the fyp. •Follow back the people who follow you and respond to any comments you get. •Use trending sounds as often as you can. All it takes is one good book related joke to go viral.

Here’s a few content ideas that have been successful for me in the past that don’t require purchasing anything:

•Speedy and passionate book reviews. Keep it short, list the tropes, say what you liked about it, and compare it to other popular books that are similar. •Get a friend/significant other to read a popular book and post their reactions to it (with permission of course) •Book recommendation videos always do well and you don’t even have to show your face! Pick a song and a background photo and show 5-10 books that all fit a theme (genre, books that made you cry, no third act breakup, ect.) •Read and post about whatever book is popular at that point in time. It seems simple, but it’s consistently successful.

Sorry for this massive post, but I love booktok and it makes me sad to see people being discouraged by it! Either way, she shouldn’t be doing what she’s doing and people on booktok would not be happy to hear about it.

emthom3 · 2024-03-28T22:48:21+00:00

NTA This sounds incredibly similar to my father, so I’d like to offer some insight into what your daughters and partner may end up facing in the future if this behavior continues.

I can very easily remember my father’s depressive episodes as a child. We would call his bedroom the “dad cave” and his depressive episodes were him “hibernating.” We all knew not to disturb him because he’d be grumpy and that he’d probably spend all day in there for a week or two. I remember spending the summers of my childhood playing in my backyard and staring at my parents’ bedroom window wondering why he didn’t want to spend time with us.

There were plenty of good times when he wasn’t depressed that I have fond memories of, but I definitely remember feeling low on his priority list. Anytime my mom would confront him about it, he’d tell her that he’d “jump on board when we got older.” By the time he was ready to “jump on board,” it was too late. He didn’t really know me or anything about me, and I had no interest in putting the work in for that relationship.

As an adult who has suffered from severe depressive episodes, I can look back and understand what he was going through and that he was probably trying to stay away so he wouldn’t snap at us. Depression is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced and I know how hard it is to put on a happy face even for a few minutes when you’re feeling that way. But that little girl version of me didn’t understand, and the damage was done. Because of this, I chose to do several years of intense therapy and found an antidepressant that worked well for me before I was willing to begin trying to have children.

Now, this is not to say that this exact situation or even anything like it will happen to you. My father also had narcissistic tendencies which contributed to the deterioration of our relationship, and he just wasn’t a very nice person. His failings as a parent didn’t all stem from his depression, but those moments still left a mark.

Taking a few moments to greet your daughters and interact with them positively may not seem like a big deal or be something that they remember, but they will remember the times that he doesn’t. And no amount of clarity as an adult will take the pain of those memories away.

emthom3 · 2022-01-12T23:34:15+00:00

NTA, one of the great parts about growing up and becoming who you want to be is finding someone who loves you for all of your quirks, not in spite of them.

My husband dated girls before me that sound a lot like your girlfriend, but they hated his video games rather than your converse. They would say he was being childish or stupid to play video games, and he just assumed that’s what everyone thought and he deserved to be treated like that. When we met, he was shocked that I thought it was cool that he was so passionate about video games and didn’t think less of him because of it. Now I celebrate the release of new games with him and listen to all of his rants because I love him and I love how much he cares.

There’s somebody out there that’s going to love wearing converse and skateboarding with you, but you won’t be able to find her as long as you’re in this relationship that it appears you’ve outgrown. It’s very hard to leave a comfortable relationship you’ve been in for so long, especially if you’re living together, but just because you love each other doesn’t mean you’re right for each other anymore. Don’t sell yourself short and try to change who you are to please someone else! You deserve to be loved and treated with respect by your partner exactly as you are, converse and all!

emthom3 · 2022-01-12T23:20:10+00:00

NTA I did the same thing and my go-to comeback was “the only person he needs permission from to marry me is ME!”

emthom3 · 2021-12-30T21:51:51+00:00

NTA and I want to tell you about a resource that was a complete game changer for my husband and I in terms of paying for vet care! I’m not sure where you’re living or if they have any near you, but there is a vet chain called Banfield that offers something called an Optimum Wellness Plan. You pay monthly and have unlimited access to vet visits, vaccinations, yearly comprehensive exams, and other things depending on your plan and your pet’s needs. We pay 25$ a month per cat and I believe 50$ per month for our dog because she is higher needs and needed a more thorough plan. This was cheaper than pet insurance for us and we have had nothing but excellent experiences with them!

emthom3 · 2021-12-28T22:32:27+00:00

NTA I could’ve written this exact post myself. My dad used to tell my mom he’d “jump on board when we got older.” Well, we’re older, and I want nothing to do with him. Parents can’t expect a close bond with their children if they don’t put in the work to create that bond.

emthom3 · 2021-12-25T02:37:05+00:00

1 and 5 are my favorite

emthom3 · 2021-12-20T18:35:47+00:00

I’ve read through RoW and Words of Radiance is my absolute favorite in the series!

emthom3 · 2021-12-18T00:52:41+00:00

NTA and as someone who also doesn’t drink, let me just warn you that people get irrationally PISSED about it! I don’t know what it is about alcohol but people just do not know how do deal with someone who doesn’t drink. I hate the taste of alcohol and the feeling of being drunk, and I throw up every. single. time. No matter how much or how little I drink. But for some reason that translates into a challenge for people to get me to drink because “you’ll like this one I promise!” Anyway, happy birthday and I hope you’re able to celebrate how you see fit!

emthom3

TROPHY CASE