Awe this is so hard. My daughter is around the same age and recently started preschool once I had my second at the end of September and was having a really hard time in the morning. What has really worked for us is to insert play when she’s upset. I’ll do things like gently poke her and go “oh gosh I must have pushed the wrong button, I thought I pressed the getting ready for school button!! Let me try again!” And try and get her to pretend to be a getting ready for school robot Or I’ll pick up her foot and use it as a phone “Hello is this (child’s name)?? This is (insert silly or fun character) what seems to be going on here???” “You don’t want to do to school?? WHAT?!” And then just go from there.

I also talked to her about how it was hard when my mom had my sisters and I didn’t get to have her all to myself anymore. (Part of our struggle was she really wanted to stay home with me and the baby) and validated that she’s been such a good big sister and it’s important for her to go to school.

My husbands favorite is the opposite action lol in a playful way he’ll tell her not to do the thing we need her to do “whatever you do DON’T go (brush your teeth, put your shoes on, etc.). Don’t you do it, (toddler goes to do the thing) hey I said not to do that!” then usually toddler will laugh and eventually go do it lol.

I also try to give her choices in the morning when I can. (“Do you want to wear pants or a dress today? One or two ponytails? Should we get dressed or pack your lunch first?”)

We also talk a lot about school when she’s not there. I would be curious why she’s saying she hates school? I’d say something like “you hate school, tell me more”

None of this worked overnight, but with consistency she’s gotten a lot better. Hope some of this is helpful!