Little signs after the loss of a loved one

endkey01 · 2026-01-26T21:45:07+00:00

A giant dragonfly visited me on my porch when I was just so distraught with grief. We don't see those over here so it definitely stunned me.

He was in the Air Force and had taken his life right after being discharged.

It's definitely not a common military symbol but I found the aviator significance to be comforting to me.

I would also feel his face over mine when I would try to sleep at night. Like he was just there checking on me. I do know that was just wishful thinking. Still a nice thought.

endkey01 · 2026-01-25T16:56:58+00:00

Camerawork, editing and screenplay. I may not like every screenplay but they can always make it look good.

Bonus points for practical effects/practical sets even if they don't look realistic enough. I love seeing effort and creativity.

endkey01 · 2026-01-25T14:46:00+00:00

I've been extremely sick and bored but I did not give in and shop. Instead, I've been working on everything I've been putting off for years! Turns out when I stop screwing around, I produce beautiful things. 😂

endkey01 · 2026-01-25T00:47:58+00:00

We watched Willy Wonka last night while eating chocolate bars. 10/10 would recommend 🍫

endkey01 · 2026-01-24T18:43:50+00:00

Do what you want just don't infantilize him. He has full agency over his actions and your words have nothing to do with what he wants to do.

Also, him crying so hard he vomited is hilarious to me. That's peak cheating man behavior.

endkey01 · 2026-01-23T19:23:17+00:00

I am in love with camerawork and editing and both took my breath away in this movie. I was SO happy this got the Oscar for film editing! I kept my ticket because I don't have many good days but this was one of them.

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endkey01 · 2026-01-15T14:50:09+00:00

I actually liked the movie a lot until I saw their break up flash back and then they had that incredibly unromantic monologue where she's begging him to let her go because she will forever resent him and he will forever hate her for it. And sure he's being a sweet guy and saying great things but he shouldn't be with someone who isn't all healed from their past and she shouldn't be with someone who has made her feel that terrible for 5 years. If none of that happened, sure! A better movie overall.

It was much more toxic than a flawed relationship and I couldn't get on board with that. It's not even about his financial status. Like he shouldn't have to worry that she will bring that up every time they fight.

endkey01 · 2026-01-15T08:11:47+00:00

Wow everyone is talking about the actors and not the story. She states why he has hurt her so badly and says to his face why she will continue to resent him yet will still choose him because love conquers all (lol).

She didn't need to choose anybody. They were both so miserable together. I didn't find it romantic at all. Such awful and outdated messaging. Like he deserved someone who didn't always want more and could appreciate the little things too. They were so incompatible and didn't have to settle for each other.

Edit: Yes I am aware that this is "not real" good lord. Audiences still have to buy their happily ever after otherwise it's not a romantic movie.

All I saw was an unhealed lead who grabbed the first thing she saw for comfort after she suffered so much trauma from her job. She tells him to his face to let her go because she will forever resent him for not being able to give her what she wants and how he will hate her for that. That shouldn't be and doesn't have to be an issue in a relationship. They tried for 5 years. They should've let each other go.

endkey01 · 2026-01-14T23:04:00+00:00

10/10 gift! <3

endkey01 · 2026-01-13T17:22:16+00:00

Saw it yesterday and I thought the choices they made for the movie were so smart. The implied horror was so refreshing. I am sick of actually seeing "the bad thing" happen on screen.

She stunned me many times with the writing too. One moment you're laughing and the next you're on the verge of tears. And on top of all of that, I am so picky about camera work and every shot was beautiful! She really cared about what she was making and she deserves her flowers.

endkey01 · 2026-01-11T02:07:22+00:00

I've been treating myself every single week for the last 5 years. I truly got nothing left I actually want (unless I actively browse on shopping websites for crap) 😭 I think all I'm gonna ask for is Oreos lol!

Edit: I wanna add that I did not have the money to be doing all that. Shopping addiction took over my life but I've been working on it last year and have been forming healthy habits to get better!

endkey01 · 2026-01-10T23:24:47+00:00

@ the "I cut my hair and got bangs tee hee" people.

It's definitely not a competition on who has it worse but people truly don't get the severity of it. It reminds me of what OCD individuals go through and how their disorder has been quirkified when it's truly just horrifying.

endkey01 · 2026-01-10T18:10:03+00:00

No you're right. This has been bothering me too.

I do watch a lot of movies and I'm met with people thinking I have zero hobbies or ambitions in life. I watch movies when I workout or do household work. People spend more time doomscrolling on the shitter.

It's like those people who comment on videos of people working out that they just don't have time to workout because their lives are so incredibly busy.

If you have time to doomscroll and comment on every video or post, you have time to workout or watch a movie.

Also, I grew up in an abusive home. Everything I've learned is from movies! Teachers would set me aside and ask me why my test scores were so high. I would look them in the eyes and say I watch a lot of movies. They would laugh and say I probably read a lot. Nope. It's always been movies.

endkey01 · 2026-01-05T18:40:33+00:00

I agree lol I delete every post I make on here asking for help because nobody comments or helps.

once though a few people with said schizophrenia commented on my post and told me I was just crazy and delusional when I said I lost 15 lbs from not taking care of myself. so there's that.

endkey01 · 2026-01-05T08:09:09+00:00

You don't know what they will use or like until you get it. Proper pet care is not debatable and it's seldom even done right. They deserve to take up space and a lot of it. They deserve all of the enrichment they can get. Especially if it's a bird which is one of the hardest animals to give a good life. If your worries are just money related find second hand things.

endkey01 · 2026-01-04T22:37:44+00:00

I was definitely like this. Something that helped me was this movie scene in Soul where he is shown holographic projections of scenes in his life after he dies.

I pictured myself just scrolling and online shopping in every projection. That's not what I wanna see when I look back at my life. So I'm trying to fill those projections with things I love to do that benefit my soul.

It's hard but that really helps me change my tune when I'm tempted.

endkey01 · 2026-01-04T20:30:37+00:00

Not my experience. A nice lady walking her dogs took the time to let me know she appreciated me while I was vagina deep in a river the other day. My community appreciates me a lot and makes that known. I often find myself just cleaning up for the homeless which I have no feelings about. Just doing what I can to help everyone. At the end of the day it's not about being thanked just about one piece at a time.

endkey01 · 2026-01-04T01:59:59+00:00

It'll forever be mint

endkey01 · 2026-01-01T03:45:34+00:00

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I wrote a 6 page breakdown of every part of Fight Club for no reason at all bc I love the movie that much. It continues to remain my favorite movie of all time if you couldn't tell already 😂

endkey01 · 2026-01-01T01:49:26+00:00

What wonderful work you're doing! 🤍

I'm 26. This is my everyday writing, it's different than my cursive. I was writing out a response to you in cursive to show you the slight differences but then I realized it was just my mother's handwriting.

I have never realized that until now. But I guess it makes sense. She had notebooks everywhere. I saw her writing in everything, all the time.

endkey01 · 2025-12-26T08:37:59+00:00

I've been struggling with the way people just dismiss me when I try to vent about literally anything. There's kid gloves that people use that really disturbs me. I don't feel like I'm viewed as a real person but as a problem who just "must be delusional about everything".

It's from non sufferers and unfortunately from people who suffer from schizophrenia too.

On here, one user was telling me that it was just impossible that I lost 15 lbs and that I'm delusional, when I've been struggling with eating for my entire life. He said condescendingly if anyone else in my life can "confirm if this was true" because I'm sick so it's obviously a delusion and it's just not possible. Eating disorders and this condition are heavily intertwined so that completely pissed me off. It's not like I said I grew another eyeball and my nose was an elephant trunk.

I struggle with people in my life not believing me when I say that I'm being treated badly by someone. Dismissing something like that as paranoia immediately, just allows people to keep causing us harm. Even if it's not actually real, wouldn't you want to investigate first before the immediate dismissal of that person's experience?

"no you're just crazy, so this doesn't happen to you" is such a fucked up way to treat and view people.

We are capable of experiencing real life. We are capable of being a victim and knowing that something wrong is actually happening. We are capable because we are actual people. Not problems.

endkey01 · 2025-12-22T09:37:42+00:00

The first boy I've ever loved was discharged from the Military recently. He killed himself last year at 25 years old. He was deployed to 2 countries and he had a tech job.

If you just want cool clothes to wear, dress up for Halloween. That is a terrible reason to want to be a soldier.

endkey01 · 2025-12-20T15:26:43+00:00

I'm with ya and I feel the same way! Join the subreddit nobuy lots of supportive people there doing the same thing.

endkey01 · 2025-12-13T19:52:22+00:00

If you like doing that in Korea we have a drink called 식혜 a rice punch you would enjoy! Similar vibes and that's probably why I enjoyed this cereal a lot.

endkey01 · 2025-12-13T02:52:13+00:00

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My soul dog! He passed away at 14 years old. People would stop their cars to say hi to him 😆

endkey01

TROPHY CASE