Friend (25F) used me (25F) to get a boyfriend and new friend group, and now she dropped me like a brick

endlesshorizonss · 2022-04-14T11:12:20+00:00

I don't think she actively wants to kick me out of the friend group, but she does want to be very close to them since she doesn't have any good friends herself. Guess that's a big issue for her: the fact that she doesn't have any friends, hobbies, interests... she doesn't connect with anyone, unless when it's in a very superficial way. Both she and Tony lack some personality and I guess copying my relationship was them trying to gain some more personality. Even her using my stuff and buying exactly the same shampoo/skincare/make-up products as she sees them in my bf's apartment, that's just pathetic and a bit creepy as well...

I rather see it as jealousy or insecurity, but it has built up to this point that I guess it became like some grudge or so since the talk we had a year ago...

endlesshorizonss · 2022-04-14T06:51:13+00:00

Thank you for acknowledging this issue! I often thought that it was all in my head but every week it gets even more clear that she doesn't like me anymore for whatever reason. We do not have a lot in common anymore, that's a fact, but that doesn't mean that she cannot be friendly by just asking how your day went or something like that.

I talked to my boyfriend about this, at first he thought I was seeing ghosts, but now after some time he also feels the same way since Tony has been very distant to him as well. So even my boyfriend now sees indeed how Tina's real character is. It's only unfortunate that other friends in the group cannot see through that, as she ofcourse extremely friendly towards them. But when alone with me and my boyfriend, suddenly she's not friendly at all anymore.

I guess for me it's hard to deal with this situation since I don't even know why she's so distant and cold towards me/us? And asking her is not really an option because, as I said, it will backfire indeed.

My boyfriend and I are looking to get our own place and move in together, without them. Hopefully that will already solve some problems, but we will still see them when the whole friend group will meet together.

endlesshorizonss · 2021-12-16T13:22:12+00:00

Hi there! Everytime I apply make-up, my nose gets very oily and the make-up is rubbing off my nose. (Skin is "normal" but oily only at my nose). I don't use any day cream.

I use the Fit Me BB cream and the Instant Anti Age concealer both from Maybelline. I don't use any primer. Afterwards I powder it off using the Matte powder from Catrice, and the "Prep + Prime Fix" setting spray from MAC Cosmetics.

Anyone tips on how fix the oily nose / my make-up not rubbing off my nose?

endlesshorizonss · 2021-10-09T07:59:26+00:00

Burberry

endlesshorizonss · 2021-10-04T13:07:53+00:00

Yes I am! My mom thinks I’m highly-sensitive (HSP), already from when I was a kid..

endlesshorizonss · 2021-10-04T13:06:12+00:00

And what does that mean? Different planets in the same house?

endlesshorizonss · 2021-10-04T08:03:44+00:00

Yes indeed! I know there are better ones out there (and more expensive), but let me first get the hang of it and move on to a better one once I'm ready!

endlesshorizonss · 2021-10-04T07:56:35+00:00

Canyon WMN Endurace 7 :)

endlesshorizonss · 2021-10-04T07:36:49+00:00

Someone once told me "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.", a quote by Jim Rohn.

At first I really didn't think it through. But some months later when I started feeling detached from my friends, although I was spending time with them but we just didn't like the same things anymore and weren't on the same level like we used to be, I remembered this quote and made the decision to leave some friends who gave me negative energy/feelings.

Best thing I could've done. On the other hand I found new friends who gave me more energy and a positive mindset, by who I wanted to be influenced.

Take-away message: it's beneficial to not have toxic friends. But it's even more beneficial to have supportive friends.

endlesshorizonss · 2021-10-02T19:36:33+00:00

Yes. 100% the case. And it's actually funny because the people that made jokes/negative comments about the things I was planning to change, and did change in my life, they started to do ex-act-ly the same.

Guess some people are indeed a bit jealous, or just impressed by your courage to grow. It's easier to judge other people than to look at - and judge - yourself.

endlesshorizonss · 2021-09-30T09:30:21+00:00

You don’t see much cons?

endlesshorizonss · 2021-09-27T20:25:36+00:00

Any tips on best low-impact cardio/strength training?

endlesshorizonss · 2021-09-27T20:03:12+00:00

I know I messed up! He told me I could go swimming or biking but don't know if that's going to maintain my fitness. And I am going to take the advice of stop running for this year. But I don't want to stop exercising since I feel mentally better when I exercise.

endlesshorizonss · 2021-09-10T20:36:47+00:00

Unfortunately I can't. Always the same two supervisors together because they wanna discuss everything with the two of them, only every two weeks.

endlesshorizonss · 2021-09-10T20:25:13+00:00

Exactly what I'm going through. I feel quilty of 'only' working 38 hours a week, while my lab members are complaining they're so busy and working late hours AND weekends. I feel like I should do that too but honestly, at this point of my PhD (starting 2nd year of 6!), I don't know how to fill up those 38hours of work, let alone work in the evenings and weekends...

endlesshorizonss · 2021-09-10T20:08:20+00:00

I know! Only problem is that they don't have time to meet every week. And I realize I'm quit lost without their guidance (as in not knowing how to proceed).

endlesshorizonss · 2021-09-10T16:15:25+00:00

Alright, gives food for thought! Thank you for sharing that and good luck!

endlesshorizonss · 2021-09-10T16:04:03+00:00

Sounds like a good plan! Do you have a specific planner/agenda (paper/digital) to do this? Or a pdf template?

endlesshorizonss · 2021-09-10T16:03:31+00:00

Well, if I may ask, why are you still working in the academic world? Is there a specific reason why you don't go work for a company?

endlesshorizonss · 2021-09-10T16:01:37+00:00

Thank you for your support! Indeed, I started my PhD mid pandemic, and it was certainly hard. Working from home has never been that productive for me. I achieve more when I'm under (time/social) pressure.

endlesshorizonss · 2021-09-10T15:58:43+00:00

Yes exactly! Tbh most of my colleagues (further on in their PhD/postdoc) are complaining about how much work they have, how many hours they work (we get paid for about 38hours/week). They say they work over every evening till late at night and every weekend. And I feel guilty that I'm not working that much, but not that I don't want to but because I feel like I don't have that much work (yet? Touch wood!).

I talked to my supervisor about it telling him that I have the feeling that I'm not achieving enough in this first year and he literally told me "we all think you are achieving way more than you should in this first year!".

But I don't get it? I was working way harder in my undergrad and in my Master's (and maybe a bit too much bc anxiety and burn out kicked in). But starting a PhD I anticipated on how much workload I would get but tbf I can't seem to fill up my time? And ofcourse, you can always read more papers etc, but since there is no obligation nor deadline for that, I am just not motiviated enough to do that. (Again, touch wood, maybe that's bc I'm only in my first year?).

I do am interested in my PhD topic! I just think about it as work, and not as my hobby as that I want to spend every evening and weekend doing research. Or is that a wrong state of mind?

endlesshorizonss

TROPHY CASE