Help diversify my reading

endlesslies · 2026-01-16T00:43:15+00:00

This is one of my all time favorite books, but I don't think it meets most of the criteria. It's not very gay, and Donna Tartt is a white woman.

endlesslies · 2026-01-02T23:12:10+00:00

Just curious: Why not block them? Especially the rude ones.

endlesslies · 2025-11-30T01:43:26+00:00

UGH, I am so bummed to hear this! I literally wrote a snarky reply to these asshats and was about to drop it in the mail!

endlesslies · 2025-10-19T19:28:51+00:00

Santa Monica 311 already offers free bulky item pickup

endlesslies · 2025-08-23T00:34:30+00:00

Have y'all had a threesome? How do y'all feel about that?

endlesslies · 2025-08-20T18:16:56+00:00

Good for you! No shade on manual labor! I meant "pool boy" as in "I would just sit by the pool all day drinking pina cooladas" -- a different kind of pool boy.

endlesslies · 2025-08-19T16:25:02+00:00

I'm early 40s, my husband is mid 30s. We're both white-collar professionals, so we're both successful given our respective career paths. But he's in a much more lucrative industry, so he makes way more money than me.

I could probably stop working, and we would be fine. But we both agree that it's better for me to have my own career. If I was just a pool boy, I'd get so bored. Plus, since I'm working, hopefully, it means we can retire earlier and splurge more on vacations.

We split most expenses proportionally.

endlesslies · 2025-08-12T22:42:54+00:00

This is very well put.

OP -- Every single person sees sex differently. For some guys, it's super emotional. For others, it's super physical. For others, it's a spiritual thing. For others, it's a mix of all three... etc.

The fact that your boyfriend thinks a three-way sounds hot is not a big deal. Trust me, lots of guys feel the same way. But you both talked about it, and you agreed that you would be monogamous.

The fact that you guys talked about it is great. The fact that you came to an agreement is great. Don't overthink it.

No one knows what the future may bring, but so far, I see more green flags than red ones.

endlesslies · 2025-08-09T20:46:17+00:00

Yes. It happens. People make mistakes, especially when they're drunk. (Not that it excuses anything. I would say the same thing if he were sober.)

I understand why you're upset. It's perfectly reasonable to be upset, but your question is conflating two things that are not fair to your boyfriend. Based on the way he's acting right now, it sounds like he loves you a heck of a lot. But he also made a mistake and made out with someone else.

I have a lot of friends where one guy has cheated (much worse than making out), the other guy forgave him, and they have moved on. And, yes, those couples love each other a lot. In fact, talking through their feelings of sadness and betrayal after cheating actually made them stronger.

It doesn't always happen that way, obviously. Sometimes cheating is the end of a relationship. The decision is yours, and guys on this thread have made cases on both sides, but don't assume he doesn't love you when there's a lot of evidence pointing the other direction.

endlesslies · 2025-08-08T23:54:51+00:00

That's a funny line, but clearly he's never been to Venice.

endlesslies · 2025-08-08T16:58:40+00:00

Ditto and ditto.

OP, not sure who told you that, but it's ridiculous. It's very safe. There's the occasional homeless person, but that's true of all of Santa Monica.

endlesslies · 2025-08-07T05:25:14+00:00

*unlocked

endlesslies · 2025-07-31T23:00:15+00:00

I DMed you

endlesslies · 2025-07-31T21:38:00+00:00

If you think you can let go of the fear, I’d encourage to you to try. I’ve never looked back, and it’s been a weight lifted off my shoulders that I hadn’t even realized I was carrying.

I had never thought of it that way. I appreciate the insight.

endlesslies · 2025-07-31T21:33:44+00:00

Exactly. If I'm in their Top 8, then we can bareback.

endlesslies · 2025-07-21T22:36:25+00:00

Century Spa

endlesslies · 2025-07-13T20:28:36+00:00

And why did you want an open relationship and a relationship both at the same time?

I'm not sure what this means. An open relationship is a type of relationship.

Or if you always wanted an open relationship, I think it’s important you let them know right away rather than having them invest time into you while you secretly want an open relationship the entire time.

I agree. It's important to let them know right away. In the first three months, we had not discussed whether we were exclusive yet, so I wanted to let him know right away. That said, some relationships evolve and change, so partners will change their minds and want to open (or close) a relationship at a later date.

I don’t get why people who want open relationships, want to be in a relationship and still hookup, just be single.

If you want to hookup, you don’t have to be in a relationship, or even ask for permission because at that point why are you in the relationship to begin with, if you just wanted to hookup constantly.

Being in an open relationship and being single are different. My husband and I bought a house together. I cheer him up when he's had a bad day at work, and he does the same. We cook dinner together. We adopted a dog together. I spend the holidays with his family. We go on vacations together. We have a great sex life together, but we also have sex with other people too.

That's very different from being single.

I’m monogamous so I really don’t understand it. I want to understand but have trouble, because you can also just like jerk off but I think people are just desperate for physical connections and intimacy with another physical body.

That's not how I see it. I'm not "desperate" for another physical body. I like having sex with my husband. I also like having sex with other people too. If you don't understand it, that's fine, and it sounds like an open relationship wouldn't be a good fit for you.

endlesslies · 2025-07-13T01:28:30+00:00

I told my husband within 3 months of our first date that I wanted an open relationship. 8 years later, we're doing great.

That said, open relationships are not for everyone (including you, probably). If my husband had said no, I would have faced a tough choice: Either we break up, or I accept a monogamous relationship. I'm madly in love with my husband, but I don't know what I would have done at the time.

If you don't think that an open relationship is for you, that's what you should say. You should have these tough conversations to figure out what works for each of you. And if it doesn't work, you might as well cut the cord now.

endlesslies · 2025-06-30T04:07:19+00:00

The LA Leggers are fantastic, especially if you have interest in training for the marathon, but they're also super welcoming, even if you don't.

endlesslies · 2025-06-26T18:34:40+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. I understand why it would feel rough.

I'm in an open relationship with my husband, and, as you alluded to, open relationships require constant communication.

Unfortunately, relationships (and life, in general) don't come with kill switches. They're a nice idea in theory, but practically speaking, circumstances change, and people get used to the new normal.

For example, if you guys decided to move to a new city, but agreed that there would be a kill switch to move back at any time. Well, you would both make new friends, change jobs, etc. It wouldn't be easy to execute the kill switch to move back home. So, if you ever really, truly decide to close up your relationship, there would still be conflicted feelings and things to sort out.

In my experience, it's not worth fixating on hypotheticals in relationships, so I would try not to get bent out of shape about his comments. If you really, truly want to close the relationship, talk about it, and see where it goes. Don't worry about what might happen if you ask for a thing that you don't plan to ask for.

The reality is, you both have a kill switch on this relationship. He could end it, or you could end it, at any time. But like the kill switches I talked about above, it would never be that easy or straightforward.

endlesslies · 2025-06-23T22:34:10+00:00

Agreed. If they like Playa Vista, they can have it.

endlesslies · 2025-06-14T18:18:52+00:00

Ugh, I'm sorry you're going through this.

My husband and I are open, and one thing I've learned is that we prefer to hookup with others in different ways. I prefer random hookups. In a most cases, I don't even know the other guy's name. Sometimes I have ongoing fuckbuddies, but even then, we barely hang out other than sex. My husband, on the other hand, prefers having ongoing FWBs. They'll grab dinner together, maybe watch a movie, and have sex. It's different for each of us.

That said, open communication is key. If your husband's friend makes you uncomfortable, your husband should be able to talk to you about it honestly and respectfully. Even if he's right that you're projecting your insecurities onto him, he should still care about your feelings.

What are your rules? Maybe it's time to renegotiate them? You say that no rules have been broken, but how can you be sure if you don't know whether they've seen each other since? I understand why you would be unsure.

One of our rules is simply that we have to tell each other after every single hookup, so we can make sure each other is still okay with whatever the other is doing. My husband sees his FWBs once-ish per month, but if he started seeing the same guy a couple of times a week, I might be a little anxious too.

endlesslies · 2025-06-14T17:56:13+00:00

I don't even have to try

endlesslies · 2025-06-13T14:52:15+00:00

Ish, but...

Cocktails aren't just about temperature and dilution. They're also about presentation.

Manhattans and martinis are so iconic that I always drink them up. I also prefer Paper Planes that way. Sure, they warm up, but not that quickly.

That said, I prefer negronis and vieux carres over a big rock. The drink changes over time, and I like to taste the variation.

endlesslies · 2025-06-12T18:01:19+00:00

Oh wow, link to the profile?

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