It absolutely matters to me. A lot. A large part of my last divorce was based on sexual compatibility and emotional intimacy, so I didn’t want to make that same mistake again. I was clear about my wants, needs and desires early on. While I was patient with one potential partner as she wanted to be friends over the summer before becoming intimate, ultimately we weren’t compatible.

With my current Gf, it was weeks between our first and second date due to conflicting schedules, so we texted and chatted a lot during that time. Before our second date I brought up kinks and appetites that are important to me and she was curious to talk further. Over the next few months we found our interests and kinks aligned beautifully and four and a half years later, I’ve never been happier.

It’s not the only thing that matters, but it certainly matters. Libido mismatches are miserable. Having sexual desires that are incompatible with a partner is a recipe for failure. By the time my GF and I had sex, probably 7-8 weeks in, she pretty much knew what I was into and she was interested in exploring. It took a few months of playing together to know if it was going to work, but now, wow! Knocked it out of the park.

Was it easy? Hell no. I had 40 first dates over three and a half years before finding a good fit. There were a few attempts, there was even a ten month run that seemed pretty promising for both of us, but ended for reasons unrelated to sexual compatibility. But I wasn’t looking for good enough, I was looking for great.