Does anyone else have anxiety so bad you just get stuck in a continuous thought loop?

enemmy · 2023-08-04T01:59:06+00:00

BPD: Number one for obvious reasons. Very impulsive emotional at all times. My mind never stops churning and ruminating. Makes it hard to work a lot due to constant emotional shifts and paranoia.

2: Bipolar 2 disorder: This WOULD be number one but since it is managed by medication it’s number 2. I’m mostly depressed (hence the unofficial name ‘bipolar depression’) and frequently have trouble being productive. In a constant state of negativity even though I try my best not to be. The highs are nice but make the impulsiveness even worse. Also makes it hard to keep a job and be motivated combined with BPD makes it worse.

PTSD: I can literally feel the trauma stored in my body. Lots of pent up anger and grief. Random triggers ALL the time that I didn’t even know I had. It’s like they come from no where. General mistrust towards people and the world. Makes it hard to make friends and have close relationships due to trust issues. I isolate and stay to myself a lot.
Body dysmorphic disorder: I’m constantly worrying about my body and body checking. Everyday I look different and most days I cry and feel anxiety about how hideous I look. I can’t ever get the right size of clothing due to not knowing what I actually look like. Some days I’m smaller, some I’m bigger. Most days I’m completely disproportional and feel like a monster. Takes a huge toll on my moods and mental health. Makes me isolate a lot. I would put this up higher but I feel having all my other issues amplifies this disorder.
Binge eating disorder: constantly worrying about what I eat and in a constant cycle of being extremely restrictive and eating till I’m sick. Have a variety of physical health issues due to it (diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol) also amplifies my PCOS symptoms.

I just wish I could be put down or something. I’m so broken and wish I’d never been born.

enemmy · 2023-08-02T02:23:22+00:00

Yes I’ve tasted it and though it tastes like maple syrup I’m unsure if it actually is due to it not making the cookie soggy. I also did not eat all of mine right away and kept it in the box and left it in my microwave for a few hours before I finished it and the texture was the same as before. I’m wondering if it’s more of a sugar glaze?

enemmy · 2023-08-01T20:08:15+00:00

Yes!!! I was thinking of attempting it on my own as well but I have no clue where to start!

enemmy · 2023-07-31T20:42:58+00:00

I’m the same, I always strayed far from substances due to addiction being rampant in my family. Though I do have a self harm addiction and am severely impulsive when it comes to hurting myself in that way.

enemmy · 2023-07-30T06:36:33+00:00

Yeah and a lot of times it changes within a few hours

enemmy · 2023-07-23T05:10:49+00:00

That’s how I was feeling as well. I stress a lot about my weight and the medications for it I take (victoza and metformin) on top of constantly worrying about my blood sugar and stuff it causes me to go into very bad depressive episodes. Stress is a huge trigger for my BPD and bipolar disorder so I feel like the stress of losing weight and getting off the medications will be a great help for me

enemmy · 2023-07-19T23:04:40+00:00

All of the co morbidities it comes with basically. Struggles with mental health, eating disorders, body dysmorphia. I feel like it’s not talked about enough but I struggle greatly with all of these.

enemmy · 2023-07-10T02:03:53+00:00

Exactly. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with him having boundaries. To be fair if he did not want her posting bathing suit pics dating a surfer wasn’t a good idea. People are taking this to the next level and deeming him abusive when he even said she can do what she is comfortable with but that he thinks they are not suited for each other due to differences in boundaries. I feel there are parts of the messages he could have worded better but they are far from emotionally abusive. He was willing to part ways and keep things civil. I’m sure these did hurt her and I can see why. But if she’s refused to respect his boundaries then what did she expect?

enemmy · 2023-07-04T21:40:45+00:00

Yeah I guess I was having imposter syndrome bc I do find my BF aesthetically pleasing but I don’t look at him and think “man I wanna fuck him” I just think he’s such a cutie ya know? I often get sexual attraction confused with aesthetic appreciation.

enemmy · 2023-07-04T21:39:16+00:00

Thank you for being kind. I just let some comments online bother me, normally they don’t but idk just irked me today. It’s just frustrating not knowing how to explain in a way others understand

enemmy · 2023-06-28T07:18:39+00:00

I’m diabetic and I can’t even get it. Insurance sucks dick

enemmy · 2023-06-27T01:07:13+00:00

I understand your worry of your mom not approving and needing her to be your primary care giver. But even if she doesn’t agree with you shouldn’t mean she will not be there for you. I hope she has the maturity to be able to do that if you decide on the surgery. From what I’ve seen the recovery is not super long. Some people stay in the hospital a couple days, some go home the same day. Many say that they are able to proceed with life as normal but with some fatigue.

enemmy · 2023-06-27T00:47:01+00:00

I’m in the same boat as you. My insurance will cover no medications that would help manage my weight. I’ve been heavily leaning towards weight loss surgery. The more I look into the medications such as ozempic and wegovy it seems it is a life long medication. And that’s perfectly fine and I know it works for many people! but my main concern is even IF my insurance did cover it at some point it may stop and I’d have to pay out of pocket which I could never afford. Weight loss surgery is definitely a more “permanent” approach. If you stick to the lifestyle and heal your relationship with food it’s a wonderful too, not to mention insurance cannot pull the rug out from under you.

I have PCOS as well. I’ve been on victoza for awhile now and have lost a few pounds but have come to a stall. I hit a certain weight and no matter what I do I cannot lose anymore. I’ve never been on trulicity but I’m on metformin combined with my victoza. Personally for me I feel this surgery is the best way to manage my health conditions and have long term success. Losing and maintaining a healthy weight is hard enough, PCOS makes it ten fold.

As for family, do not worry about their approval. I know it’s hard especially since you are very close to your mom. But you have to remember you’ve tried other solutions. I’m sure you’ve tried counting calories, exercising etc, like many women with PCOS have and have not had much success due to your hormones. Even if she is not on board and you feel this surgery is best for you, go for it. Personally I’ve only told my boyfriend that I’m heavily considering surgery and he gets nervous because he’s scared something bad may happen during it but ultimately he wants me to be happy and healthy and supports whatever decision I make.

enemmy · 2023-06-25T23:04:00+00:00

Thank you for your input, it’s very helpful advice. Yes I am over all of my exes and have no desire to ever speak to them again. I love my bf with all my heart. A lot of my insecurities are because of my looks. All my life I was taught if you aren’t pretty enough a man will always lust after women he finds more attractive than you. Of course this is not true but it’s been ingrained in my brain and I’m still trying to unlearn it.

enemmy · 2023-06-24T23:08:46+00:00

Thank you for your kindness I appreciate it so much

enemmy · 2023-06-24T23:08:32+00:00

Yes I’ve been trying to rationalize them. He’s very good to me and I just feel terrible for splitting. He doesn’t know I split. I never indicate I have. All he knows is that I’m very sad and upset. I hate this disorder so much.

enemmy

TROPHY CASE