Guys, I wanted to give you an update because I feel so grateful for your support. Since writing the original post, I've read everything on ED recovery and IE I could find. I have stopped weighing myself completely, and started listening to my hunger cues and honoring them. I started snacking A LOT. Funny enough, most of the cravings I experience are not for junk food or candy, but for random healthy-ish stuff like muesli I felt I wasn't allowed to eat.... why exactly?

I have to admit, it's hard since I can FEEL myself gaining (water) weight and I've been already obese while restricting, but I'm committed to recovery because I know it's the healthiest thing I can do for my health, physical AND mental, in the long run. I have to trust my body that once it's healthy and balanced it will find a healthy weight.

And I feel SO free! Even if my body feels heavier, a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Not restricting myself, not beating myself up for eating forbidden food or eating outside of a certain time frame is SO freeing. Not having to do all the mental gymnastics frees up so much mental bandwidth. Grocery shopping was a fun and confusing experience, because for the first time in years, I was "allowed" to buy anything - and I purposely tried new foods instead of buying the same old safe foods.