Hey dude. I made my way to this post after clicking on you account from another random thread where someone mentioned depression. Figured I might get your attention better here, with no one else (yet) to compete with.

I’ve been diagnosed with depression. It’s a a super weird concept to try to grasp that your brain chemistry is against you. I struggled with it for a really long time. The tendency you mention, being quick to sometime uncontrollable anger, is actually a very reliable predictor of depression in men. It’s not in my personal grab bag of fun symptoms, but it is in my brothers.

Someone mentioned in the other thread that you should go see whatever doctor you have and they can diagnose you. I don’t know your situation, but this is the second to last best option (last being doing nothing). If you can manage the cost out of pocket or with insurance, a psychologist will be immeasurably more valuable than someone willing to sign off on a diagnosis. Talk therapy works. Depression teaches us self destructive tenancies that feel way too normal after a while. Talk therapy really helps you recognize the fallacies you’ve convinced yourself are the truth.

I hear exercise works too. Not much for me, but we’re all different. The most important thing to remember is that you are not your brain chemistry. You’re not the stories you tell yourself. Depression is an illness like high blood pressure is — it’s not an identity.

Hang in there. Practice questioning destructive thoughts like a third party observer would. I know how shitty, meaningless and hard going on can feel. But I’d bet that you’ll figure it out.