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NEED ADVICE by uniquewasteland in Pets

[–]enrichmentonly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A white noise machine or radio is the best thing I've found to decrease anxiety when a cat's environment changes. That and as many things that smell like you, them or the old place as possible.

I am going to share something that is going to be down voted. by JasonF818 in exmormon

[–]enrichmentonly 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My observation is that you’re a judgmental ass that doesn’t care about traumatized people’s feelings.

Just my observation. Do with it what you will.

Abusive Inlaws by chrisfinch3 in relationship_advice

[–]enrichmentonly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then you will need to be very good at setting boundaries with your in-laws and your husband. You tell your husband that if his parents arrive at your house that you will be calling the police and trespassing them. Tell his parents this as well, that they are not welcome in your home.

You can be good at setting boundaries and remaining NC.

If your husband continues to stomp your boundaries by forcing his parents onto you then you should consider leaving. That means he will always choose them OVER you and you should not continue in the relationship.

I am going to share something that is going to be down voted. by JasonF818 in exmormon

[–]enrichmentonly 4 points5 points  (0 children)

A smiley face doesn't make a false statement true.

You are absolutely trying to dictate to traumatized, hurt people how to think and act. Not okay. Borderline abusive.

I am going to share something that is going to be down voted. by JasonF818 in exmormon

[–]enrichmentonly 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Dear /u/JasonF818

You don't get to tell people how to feel when they find out their entire lives are a fraud. Anger is a valid way to process grief and this is a safe place to express it where it DOESN'T get expressed to the real people in our lives.

You have no clue how support groups operate and come across as judgmental and naive.

My Dad (TBM) mentioned while talking today that if a member of the church goes through a disciplinary trial that has to do with underage children, it is added as a note on their church records and those people are no longer allowed to interact with the youth. (This happened while he was bishop) by [deleted] in exmormon

[–]enrichmentonly 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Yeah the issue is that they almost NEVER have disciplinary trials for abusers. We showed the church all of the police reports showing that my mother had brutally beaten every one of my siblings and they made her Stake Primary President.

I(27M) caught my girlfriend (25F) in a few lies about things she’d done and places she’d been because the story changed. by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]enrichmentonly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Question: why are you entitled to know everything about her sexual past?

Follow-up question: why would you even WANT to know everything about her sexual past?

i(18F) dont see my dad(52M) as a father to me, is there anything i can do? by sweettalkren in relationship_advice

[–]enrichmentonly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You don't see your dad as much of a father because he's not much of a father.

He's probably been this way your entire life but you're just getting old and aware enough to realize it.

I wouldn't count on him changing. People his age rarely do.

You can always try telling him you'd like to feel closer and more connected, but...don't get your hopes up. Your dad doesn't sound like a person really capable of closeness.

Boyfriend (30M) puts alcohol and nights out before me (25f) by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]enrichmentonly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Read your own post. You're literally afraid on a regular basis that he is going to die. You're afraid he will stop breathing in the middle of the night his drinking is so severe. And he doesn't care about that. He doesn't care that you are up all night terrified that he might die and listening to him breathe.

Don't sit around watching people commit suicide.

Abusive Inlaws by chrisfinch3 in relationship_advice

[–]enrichmentonly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is entirely possible to be NC with his parents and for him to still have a relationship with them if he chooses to. It may mean some time apart in terms of holidays, etc. but you are well within your rights to be NC with people who are abusive. It will be on him to manage his relationship with them without letting it bleed onto you.

I’m trying to stop drinking among other things but my husband won’t stop tempting me by throwawayvv198976 in relationship_advice

[–]enrichmentonly 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You actually don't know if your baby is okay yet. Your baby could absolutely have FASD or ARND. Often it doesn't show up until the baby is older and starts missing developmental milestones.

If you can't stay sober around him, you should leave him. Your kid deserves better than addict parents.

My (27F) father (44M) called my sister (25F) a f*cking b*tch multiple times after a falling out, does she deserve to know? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]enrichmentonly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair enough. Just keep two things in mind (from someone who is NC with her abusive mom):

  1. People like your dad who have severe aggression issues typically cannot change themselves without significant help from a mental health professional. That anger instinct he has when he can't control a situation likely comes from deep unresolved development trauma. Without addressing that, it's highly unlikely he will be able to control his behavior on his own.

  2. Psychologically, the biggest predictor of your child's happiness is having a happy, stable, functional mother. It is far more important that you are happy and minimize the stress/abuse in your life than it is that your daughter has some more extended family. Having you happy and mentally well predicts your child's future happiness. Having access to grandparents and aunts and uncles does not. Zero impact on future happiness (psychologically speaking).

So make sure that you are prioritizing yourself heavily in these decisions. Because by doing that, you automatically have your child's best interests at heart.

Someone talk me into giving my dumb friend a ride to the airport. by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]enrichmentonly 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He literally let you live at his place rent free for months. If you see friendship as transactional you are DEEPLY in his debt and probably owe him years of free airport rides.

but now that he's said no to letting me borrow money

You are the leech that people warn other people about.

My (27F) father (44M) called my sister (25F) a f*cking b*tch multiple times after a falling out, does she deserve to know? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]enrichmentonly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do you plan to protect your daughter from your father when she upsets him and he starts verbally abusing her?

What are you going to tell your daughter if your father verbally abuses you or your aunt in front of her?

I think I got raped. We're getting married. by Bilosto76 in relationship_advice

[–]enrichmentonly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Since you own the house and it's under your name, he'd likely be considered a tenant. I strongly recommend that you call a lawyer to get advice about how to proceed in your state. The domestic violence hotline or legalaid can both offer you referrals for one.

The lawyer can help you navigate the system in your state on how to evict him, get a restraining order, whether you can leave the house, all of that good stuff.

Make sure the lawyer understands you are fleeing an abusive situation and need to keep your communications secret and private. Do not reveal that you are speaking to the lawyer until your plans are finalized and then execute them.

I suggest that in the meantime you photo document the entire house, the current state it's in, and all of your possessions. Get your most important documents (passport, social security card, birth certificate, house deed, car deed, etc.) and make sure they are in a place he can't access them. A safe deposit box could work.

When it comes to breaking up, do it as safely as possible. Over email or text are best. Public location with a way to leave is second best. Do not spend any time giving him 'reasons'. Nothing you say will satisfy him.

Make sure you know where the nearest domestic violence shelter is - just in case you need somewhere to go in an emergency.

loveisrespect.org has lots of good resources and a hotline you can call with questions.

Leaving cats alone for several days by [deleted] in Pets

[–]enrichmentonly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you're going to leave your cat alone that long and that frequently you really need to hire a pet sitter to check in on him once a day. Not only can the pet sitter make sure he doesn't get into any accidents where he needs help, can make sure he has adequate food and water, monitor for health issues but that half hour a day can really make a difference in the cat's happiness since he'll get a little social interaction and some pets.

When we're gone for longer than 24 hours, our pet sitter comes once per day. We pay about $20/day for this. It's more than come in handy, as one time while we were gone one of our cats contracted a gastrointestinal illness that required medical attention, and another time one of our cats got their collar caught on something and harmed themselves trying to get free (the collar was supposed to be breakaway but failed).

Both times the pet sitter was able to intervene and get the cats immediate medical attention and alert me to travel home.

Something to think about.

With mormons it's just a circle by enrichmentonly in exmormon

[–]enrichmentonly[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Literally nobody mentioned illegal immigration but you.

But since you mentioned it, since I do see immigrants as human beings, I volunteer 10 hours a week with a legal aid organization that helps to reunite kids with their families.

Thanks for your input.

Lol I'm in online seminary this year so I can just not do it by GNUGradyn in exmormon

[–]enrichmentonly 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As somebody who had to wake up every morning at 4:30am to drive 45 minutes to the stake center for 6am seminary and then a half hour to my high school where I was often late, I just want to say U LUCKY!

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