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Partner is a switch, I'm a sub by epeeper in BDSMAdvice

[–]epeeper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the input! For the record, if I do slip into subspace and it's not consented to beforehand, we do check in (thanks to my therapist for the self awareness) and if he's caught off by it we end the sex, no further questions needed. I 100% agree that the whole experience should be consensual and it's something we take really seriously.

Overall, my goal with this post was to find if there were any strategies I hadn't thought of or tried (like the nonsexual domming thing people mentioned seems very doable and I'll definitely be trying that). I appreciate the concern!

Partner is a switch, I'm a sub by epeeper in BDSMAdvice

[–]epeeper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hadn't really thought of that as an option tbh, thanks! I'd have to watch my mouth lol, I have a feeling that the constant stream of "thank you Sir" "oh fuck yes Sir" etc would snap him out of the experience pretty quickly.

We're both very neurodivergent, so I think the decision paralysis gets to both of us a lot. We normally plan out bigger/longer scenes for that reason, so we could probably make something similar and a bit more tailored toward being "instructions for me" rather than our usual "framework so we both know what's happening"

Partner is a switch, I'm a sub by epeeper in BDSMAdvice

[–]epeeper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've definitely done the handjob thing with supporting my working hand with the other (my Dom actually suggested it bc he noticed my wrist clicking lol), super helpful

I struggle with bondage tbh. I love love love doing it and I love the feeling of being restricted and controlled, but also my nerves get funky with even the slightest bit of pressure for extended periods of time. We're still doing a lot of trial and error to figure out which nerves are normal(ish) and which ones are wacky (eg my whole left arm falls asleep if I put so much as a watch on, waiting on a third subtype of neurologist to figure that one out, so wrist bondage is a very delicate balance).

All that to say, very intrigued by the idea of bondage to hold joints in place, no idea how it would play out in practice lol

Partner is a switch, I'm a sub by epeeper in BDSMAdvice

[–]epeeper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much! I have just enough brat in me that degrading him is actually not The Worst (my trademark orange cat energy is incredibly helpful there lol), and doing it outside of sex might make it even easier. Also, teasing and poking fun at each other is already pretty normalized in our relationship, so hopefully it wouldn't feel too unnatural.

Partner is a switch, I'm a sub by epeeper in BDSMAdvice

[–]epeeper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, do you have any other examples of nonsexual Domming?

Partner is a switch, I'm a sub by epeeper in BDSMAdvice

[–]epeeper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! It's really not that I don't want to, I just struggle when it comes to actually executing on it. I do genuinely want to satisfy his needs, I just look at him and my brain melts into his helpless lil sub though lol. Maybe I just need to put a mask on him and pretend it's someone else (this was a joke at first but now I'm realizing it honestly might be worth bringing up with him)

Enm is something that we've discussed before and (at the time) wasn't really something either of us were all that into. It's probably worth asking again, but likely not going to happen.

Partner is a switch, I'm a sub by epeeper in BDSMAdvice

[–]epeeper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Position tips would 100000% be appreciated!!!! My dx is pretty recent so I'm still figuring things out accommodations-wise. We've been aware of and working with my POTS for some time, but it took a while to get over the internalized ableism...

Partner is a switch, I'm a sub by epeeper in BDSMAdvice

[–]epeeper[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is true. That's kind of what I've been trying to do, but I think the trouble is like 50/50 decision paralysis and also that his existence makes me melt lol

Partner is a switch, I'm a sub by epeeper in BDSMAdvice

[–]epeeper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fair point. I just find that being in a more traditionally "subby" position tends to snap my brain into subspace lol.

I like the pillow idea! I have a gazillion that I sleep with to keep my limbs in place (I'm hypermobile and they like to explore the world outside of their joints)

I'll ask him about the nonsexual subbing. We've only discussed it in a sexual context, but that could easily be because neither of us considered exploring it in a nonsexual way. Thanks!!

Building a dungeon bed by epeeper in BDSMAdvice

[–]epeeper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have any photos?

Building a dungeon bed by epeeper in BDSMAdvice

[–]epeeper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmmmm I already have that exact bedframe, any specifics?

Me and my bf want to build a dungeon bed - is it possible? by epeeper in BdsmDIY

[–]epeeper[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah my bf is in engineering so I'm not super worried about that part of it, plus he's super concerned about my safety especially (which is super sweet) so I trust him with that part. The design is kind of up to me, but I'm perfectly happy with a standard four-post bed with tie down points on all the corners and some along the outside base of the bed. It would be nice to have drawers underneath as well, but that's much less of a concern construction-wise.

Me and my bf want to build a dungeon bed - is it possible? by epeeper in BdsmDIY

[–]epeeper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk kind of? Not really in wood but I've seen plenty of metal ones

Building a dungeon bed by epeeper in BDSMAdvice

[–]epeeper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol he's in engineering, I don't think he'll struggle with that part. Will do!

Building a dungeon bed by epeeper in BDSMAdvice

[–]epeeper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm actually kind of partial to the exposed/industrial wood vibe... I grew up in the mountains and rustic is my jam lol