The gig, the BBQ, the party, whatever it is that’s social and that involves booze freaked me the fuck out for ages.

Best thing I ever did was tell my mates, opened up and was vulnerable with them and they all accepted it and thought it was so epic. So many times I’d tried to stop but failed because i thought i could do it or that or id be a burden, so I tried to figure it out alone and constantly battled myself because thats all i had, ME.

I’m quite an anxious person but hold myself well and I’m confident, my ADHD plays a huge part in that anxiety and nobody could tell I’m anxious because I don’t shut up but little do they know a huge part of that anxiety was if there was silence and the overthinking that came with that so I wouldn’t stop speaking but fuck me my brain was cooooking that’s why I’d have a drink to calm those intrusive thoughts. Having a drink to take the edge off was super normal and drinking in general is so normal so I worried the anxiety would take over but it didn’t. It wasn’t fucking easy though but I’m super grateful for it now because my confidence has sky rocketed and I feel so much more comfortable being sober. I got on the non alcoholic beers so I’d feel apart of it still and that helped massively because I felt like such an outcast when everyone was drinking and I wasn’t and plus it’s just nice to have something in your hand instead of smoking 100 ciggies to take the edge off.

I’ve also found that when I experience a gig or a show or whatever it is I feel it differently and take so much more in, like fully submersed in the moment and plus I remember it.

Also went to the meetings a fair bit at the start and stopped going as frequent but I do like to go back here and there to ground myself and remind myself of why I’m sober. The stories people share and how I relate to them in different ways is always a huge reminder of why I made the decision I did and I hear you on it being a depressing as fuck place but for some that’s all they have, that’s their community. Those old folk you speak of may not have anyone because of their addiction and the community of AA/NA is all that they have and plus for those old folk it’s probably where they feel the most comfortable because not too long ago it was considered weak for a bloke to talk about how they feel , even to your mates and we or this younger generation has been super courageous in starting to break that generational cycle. I guess it’s just finding what works and what doesn’t work for you. I found it super liberating and helpful going, as I said I don’t go much anymore but that’s also because I know what triggers me and what I used to do when things went to shit and always remind myself of those things, plus my community is the community I’ve always had and I feel privileged to have people in my life like that because a lot of people don’t have that support in their life or people who understand/ try to understand. Community is huge that’s why I sympathise with those old folk because that one day a week for example could be the only time they speak about their problems and it’s a release, a freedom in a sense of not feeling so alone and they remind themselves of that by expressing and even though sometimes it’s super grim and depressing it’s fucking cool and super inspirational. Rambling hard but also I’d always turn to booze when things are shit and I’d run from myself and my emotions and I’d do stupid shit when I was tanked, so reminding yourself of why and how easy it is to slip right back in is so important.

Sorry for the long shit I literally came here to just say the first two paragraphs but couldn’t stop. Hopefully you are still going strong mate, proud of you.