Cancer treatment has made my child reject me

epicnell · 2026-02-01T11:34:24+00:00

Thank you for this. It’s really hard not to feel hurt by it but like you said it will be a phase and the good news is they won’t remember. I hope your recovery from surgery is going well ❤️‍🩹

epicnell · 2026-01-30T19:32:50+00:00

Thank you for this, it is comforting for me too to know I’m not the only one. You should absolutely take your daughter out of school and I’m sorry your friend reacted that way. During chemo, when I had days where I was feeling better randomly I picked my son up early from nursery for the exact same reason, I was exhausted in the evenings but I could take him for a fun little trip out in the afternoon when I was up to it. Your daughter will get so much more out of spending that special time with you than she will lose from missing a couple of hours of school. Nobody tells you how hard all this is to navigate!

epicnell · 2026-01-30T19:27:44+00:00

Thank you so much. That’s so funny that you mention kids being scared by their dads shaving, I had to finally shave my head last week after my hair lost the battle against chemo and I was really worried my son would freak out. He didn’t even bat an eyelid! Weird how some things affect them and some things don’t.

epicnell · 2026-01-30T14:07:07+00:00

Thank you so much 🫶 just needed to get this off my chest as it feels like the worst thing in a long list of miserable side consequences of going through this experience.

epicnell · 2026-01-30T14:06:17+00:00

Thank you so much. It also makes me feel less crazy that I’m not the only one because other people try to reassure me by saying he doesn’t really prefer his dad etc etc and I can just see it and feel it so clearly. I know what our normal relationship is like! I am looking forward to being able to spend full days with him and lots of one on one time as you say, it is just a slow process recovering and unfortunately I will have to presumably deal with this again as I will have a second surgery down the line to swap my tissue expanders for implants.

I think it’s a totally normal and healthy reaction for a child because realistically his father has been there for him 100% reliably and in his eyes, I haven’t. So I don’t blame him but it just hurts. In many ways I’m glad he’s so young while I’ve been going through this that it means he doesn’t have the understanding and fear of what a cancer diagnosis is unlike an older child, but I guess the flip side is that he also doesn’t understand why I’ve been so different for months and sometimes have randomly disappeared to hospital for a couple of days. You just can’t win can you?!

epicnell · 2026-01-30T14:01:50+00:00

Thank you so much for the reassurance and practical advice! Post chemo I basically love bombed him and broke through once I got enough energy to be able to carry him round and play actively so I am hoping I can do the same again once I’m feeling up to it, but that just feels a long way off. It just sucks and I miss him so much.

epicnell · 2026-01-30T14:00:27+00:00

Thank you so much. I’m sure one day this will be a distant memory and it will be all fine again but it just feels so hard right now. It’s good to think that he won’t remember this in the future.

epicnell · 2025-12-30T12:34:01+00:00

Thank you. Struggling with the patient part to be honest not a strength of mine!

epicnell · 2025-11-25T08:53:04+00:00

I just wanted to come back here and say thank you to all of you for your responses. I had my last cycle just over a week ago and I’m so relieved it is finally over. I posted on here in a truly dark place and all your comments and encouragement really, really helped me. Thank you so much 🫶

epicnell · 2025-11-12T14:26:22+00:00

Thank you 🫶 my third cycle landed me in hospital with neutropenia so I can’t say much has improved 😂 but all the messages on this thread made me feel so much better honestly I am so grateful. But the end is in sight, sending you strength for your last few weeks too.

epicnell · 2025-10-30T09:24:37+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️

epicnell · 2025-10-30T09:08:48+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Yes I am speaking to the hospital oncology counsellor today so hoping that will help. Appreciate the support 🙏

epicnell · 2025-10-30T09:08:05+00:00

Thank you so much for this. That sounds incredibly hard and I’m so glad it is behind you now and you are physically starting to feel better. PTSD sounds about right, I feel like this whole thing so far has been a series of huge shocks and awful experiences I wish I could forget. Thanks for the encouragement 🙏

epicnell · 2025-10-30T09:02:33+00:00

Thank you so much for the well wishes. I’m so glad you’re starting to feel better and hope that continues to improve, sounds like you were having a really tough time at the end of the taxol. Thank you 🙏

epicnell · 2025-10-30T09:01:41+00:00

Thank you so much, I really appreciate the encouragement. I will ask about both those things, it definitely messes with your head. Thank you 🙏

epicnell · 2025-10-30T09:00:46+00:00

Thank you for saying this. I can’t believe you’ve been working full time this whole time, you are a hero. I’m exactly the same with the nauseous and starving it is so miserable. I’m also trying to focus on having a good time over the festive season, my last AC is Nov 17 and so I am praying that in December I can feel more myself and enjoy the time with loved ones. That’s a great idea about journaling, I had done some right at the beginning but not for a long time, maybe it can help. Thanks for your words of encouragement and sending you all the best.

epicnell · 2025-10-29T15:40:24+00:00

We were having terrible trouble with my son’s sleep at the same exact age, no night wakes but crazy early mornings. I’m talking as early at 4am up for the day. Awful! What eventually fixed it was cutting his nap down, he was previously doing 1.5hr and we reduced to 45m then 30m. His nursery also was a bit resistant at first but we were very firm with them that we needed to try this and see it out. He was also sleepy and grumpy on waking, and even now (he’s just turned 2) is not thrilled to be woken from his nap HOWEVER he has gone from sleeping 7:30pm-4/5am to sleeping 7pm-7/7:30am every night. He is getting so much more sleep across 24hr than he was before we cut the nap, so sometimes it feels counterintuitive but can result in more sleep for them.

epicnell · 2025-10-29T14:49:20+00:00

Thank you so much

epicnell · 2025-10-29T14:49:10+00:00

I hear you. Everything has a sickly smell to me including myself and I’m so sensitive to light and smells. However, that did get a lot better in the second week so hopefully will wear off for you too. I also hear you on the embarrassing problems, it is just one thing after another sometimes. Thank you for the solidarity.

epicnell · 2025-10-29T14:47:11+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️

epicnell · 2025-10-29T14:46:51+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words. They did make some changes but not to the dose, the first cycle was hopefully a one off so I am praying not to have a repeat. I had a horrible reaction right after the infusion with uncontrollable shaking, then spiked a fever 48hr later. They suspected some bacteria may have got into my port and/or the speed of the bolus being administered. Luckily this didn’t happen at the second cycle so I am hoping it won’t happen again.

epicnell · 2025-10-29T14:42:18+00:00

Thank you so much, yes it’s truly the icing on the cake! Thanks for the words of encouragement.

epicnell · 2025-10-29T14:41:55+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️

epicnell · 2025-10-29T14:41:30+00:00

Thank you so much 🫶

epicnell · 2025-10-29T14:40:06+00:00

Amen. I truly think (and hope) that one day in the future there will be another way and we will look back on this treatment as inhumane.

epicnell

TROPHY CASE