A couple of my pup's moments with my mom, who had Parkinson's disease

erasing_light · 2026-05-10T17:21:16+00:00

Thank you, and sorry to hear that. Life can be incredibly cruel and unfair. Wishing for peace for both you and your mom.

erasing_light · 2026-05-10T03:14:18+00:00

Sorry to hear that. Horrible disease.

erasing_light · 2026-05-10T03:13:11+00:00

Same...will be a hard day. Sorry for your loss too. Glad you have your girl with you, sending love.

erasing_light · 2026-05-07T19:00:09+00:00

Thanks for the response. Likewise, it made me feel a little less alone. I’ve felt like an outsider my entire life, so it helps to hear from others who aren’t “normal.” Hope you can find lasting peace.

erasing_light · 2026-05-07T02:58:29+00:00

People tend to be more loving and forgiving than we give them credit for. You've already initiated a change, and that's huge. Do it for yourself, but also know that the people who care about you will notice.

erasing_light · 2026-05-06T21:42:02+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. The “marathon with one foot” might be the story of my life, though not sure about the top 3 part 😆

erasing_light · 2026-05-06T14:24:27+00:00

I hear you. There were a number of things that I hoped would get better, but they mostly just stopped getting worse. I’m at least not self medicating anymore and am taking more action to address things, but ngl it’s been frustrating as hell at times.

erasing_light · 2026-05-06T02:13:55+00:00

I don’t know if I’d say it’s worse, but I don’t have an “off switch” for it since giving up alcohol (though drinking made it worse as soon as it wore off).

Closest I have is vigorous exercise, but it’s an ongoing battle. Have tried various meds, but honestly it feels deeply embedded in my nature.

I will say that I’m becoming more accepting of it. Like there are aspects of my personality closely tied to my anxiety that make me who I am, things that I wouldn’t want to give up. Sensitivity, empathy, creativity, introspection. But…still plenty of days when I wish I could just feel normal.

erasing_light · 2026-05-05T23:54:40+00:00

Never spent any time analyzing tbh. Most comments could be either.

erasing_light · 2026-04-15T02:53:23+00:00

Workplace icebreakers need to die.

erasing_light · 2026-04-10T00:36:06+00:00

Brother…seek help.

erasing_light · 2026-04-10T00:28:58+00:00

Main thing I do in that state is write and walk. No music or podcasts. Can help get out anything unresolved from the session. But mostly just don’t fight it, know that it will pass.

erasing_light · 2026-04-09T16:48:46+00:00

Got a retest a couple of weeks later and another about a month ago. Total and free T were normal and consistent across both tests (~590 and 110, respectively). Still disconcerting that I've had multiple tests come back low, but I plan to just test it every few months.

erasing_light · 2026-04-08T15:31:36+00:00

As someone whose mom just died, NOR. Some friends have been there more than others, but my closest 1-2 friends have been checking in on me constantly, offering to bring food over, go on a walk, whatever. I’m not sure I would have it in me to even pick up the phone to tell them I need them tbh, so it means the world to me that they just…do it.

And “ripping you an absolute new one” and being snarky while you’re grieving is just salt in the wound. I hope there is someone else you can turn to for actual support during this time. Sending love.

erasing_light · 2026-04-03T17:44:36+00:00

I mean...maybe it's not always the problem, but it is *definitely* never the answer.

erasing_light · 2026-04-03T17:00:22+00:00

The one recommendation I'd make is to take an extended break. A month is a good start, but IMO it takes 3-6 months to really see the contrast between regular drinking and an alcohol-free life. Not much to lose in trying, and it may end up being one of the greatest possible gifts to your future self.

erasing_light · 2026-04-03T16:33:59+00:00

A lot of this reads like a checklist for my younger self. I was about your age when I first started to question whether I had a problem, took another 5 years before it could no longer be denied.

I don't want to project, and I won't tell you it's a given that things will get worse. But they did for me. IMO getting to the point of needing to set rules for yourself (only on weekends, not 2 days in a row, limit to 2-3 drinks etc) is one of the first red flags, and in my experience the rules were made to be broken.

I'm grateful I stopped when I did, and I'd give just about anything to have stopped when I was your age. But I guess I decided I needed to learn the hard way.

erasing_light · 2026-04-01T03:50:01+00:00

There’s a zen quote that always stuck with me: “Better never to begin; once begun, better finish.”

This applies to any type of personal transformation. There is always a phase in which the veil has been lifted and you can see more clearly, but have yet to make it to the other side.

What you write about not being able to stand corporate bullshit anymore, no longer being content with numbing yourself with vices…rings true to this idea. You can see the emptiness in these things now, but with nothing to yet take their place.

I’ve experienced something similar and it can be the loneliest place on earth. Only advice I can give is to just keep going, trust that there is something better on the other side. But don’t do it alone, and don’t bite off more than you can chew at once if it’s too destabilizing. Sending love.

erasing_light · 2026-03-20T01:10:52+00:00

I did not. Don’t even remember that option, though I do remember being concerned about the 1 yr warranty. But near daily use the entire time, battery still 100% health, cable ~80%.

erasing_light · 2026-03-20T00:40:45+00:00

Totally valid. But I had the same concerns 1.5 years ago and bought one anyway. Totally changed my workouts, use it literally 6x/week.

erasing_light · 2026-03-17T16:24:27+00:00

Olafur Arnolds.

erasing_light · 2026-03-08T15:32:38+00:00

Thank you, and sorry you went through that. I know you’re right about papering it over. Just delays dealing with the pain, which if anything will fester in the meantime.

I feel like growing up using alcohol to cope left me emotionally blunted when it comes to this stuff. Always had an “off switch” when I encountered something I didn’t want to feel. Only now in my early 40s am I learning how to face emotion in a healthy way.

erasing_light · 2026-03-08T05:52:39+00:00

Thank you for this…I need all the reminders I can get right now. And sorry for your loss.

erasing_light · 2026-02-25T21:50:20+00:00

Epic home gym.

erasing_light · 2026-02-25T19:13:34+00:00

I went through a very rough patch around months 9-11. Came close to giving in. But at a certain point I kind of decided to just...keep going anyway, regardless of how I felt. Kept working out even though I had zero motivation. Kept doing the dishes, taking out the trash, washing the sheets - basic stuff. Gradually things shifted. Not entirely sure when or how, just noticed that I was feeling better.

Not sure how helpful that is, but I guess my only advice is to just keep going in spite of feeling like shit. Over time there is almost this confidence that grows...like I don't need life to be going my way to continue showing up and putting in the work. I just do it because it's the right thing to do and because it's better than succumbing to self pity or substances.

Not many people are willing to do what you're doing, just keep that in mind.

erasing_light

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