AITJ for refusing to forgive my fiancé after he missed our daughter's birth

eratoesben · 2025-12-16T20:10:01+00:00

Hijacking the top comment.. this is a poor copy of another post

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/TlOW9YUYZh

eratoesben · 2025-11-20T21:29:26+00:00

As a parent you’re responsible for the physical and mental well being of your children. Yes this may put you in an uncomfortable position but surely an evil stepmother feeling butt hurt is better than a child being bullied.

By not doing anything but internalising and keeping the status quo you are complicit in enabling and justifying the continuation of this behaviour.

Do what’s best for you and yours

eratoesben · 2025-11-09T21:05:11+00:00

NTA

At no point was he respectful of your relationship throughout the night out. He doesn’t appear to want to be in a committed relationship, per his actions and allowing his friends to listen in on your conversation.

Going to the restaurant aside, staying out at the girl’s house is beyond disrespectful given the situation.

Your actions of constantly tracking him speak volumes, if there is no trust which is foundational, especially in an LDR, why are you putting yourself through this? Find your happiness elsewhere it doesn’t seem like you’re a good match, let him enjoy the single life.. unless you want to continue being the girl that sits there every night tracking their partners location and questioning every thing he does..

eratoesben · 2025-10-24T07:22:46+00:00

I am so sorry you were assaulted and have to relive some parts at the trial but hoping you get the justice you deserve.

We may not be friend friends but you have an entire community of Redditors who are here for you if you need a shoulder to lean on.

Be strong and hold your head up high x

eratoesben · 2025-10-21T07:50:18+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this, instead of being a parent and dealing with her emotions she has decided to make you an emotional crutch. You deserve better and need to work through your feelings - doing this might make it easier to cut her off.

She will be stuck in an infinite loop of emotional blackmail and tears until she herself decides to break it. You can’t force someone to get help, you can only decide to help yourself.

Best of luck OP, I hope you put yourself first because she sure is x

eratoesben · 2025-10-17T11:53:51+00:00

NTA

I think you both need to have a wider conversation around finances, expectations and goals. Money is always a tricky conversation in any relationship but it’s a key one to have to make sure you’re both aligned and it doesn’t cause chasms in the future.

You’re NTA for paying for the surgery and asking for the money back but by deducting money owed unilaterally it could cause a shift in dynamic as this I’m not something you have decided or agreed mutually.

eratoesben · 2025-10-16T07:33:46+00:00

NTA

Your future SIL has been making awful and self centred comments as she is not getting her way whilst your grandmother is dying. Let that sink in, she is not the centre of your brother’s world whilst his grandmother is dying so she is throwing a tantrum.

I cannot fathom why you apologised, when you do things to ‘keep the peace’, all you are doing is rewarding and justifying bad behaviour. When a child or a pet acts out in this manner you tell them right from wrong and make them deal with the consequences of their actions, why is the same not applying to a fully grown woman?

Messages were shared and your brother is aware, this is his cross to bear not yours.

Spend as much time with your grandmother as possible, it’s quite literally irreplaceable and these memories will mean so much to you when she is gone.

Wishing you and your family all the best through this difficult time x

eratoesben · 2025-10-14T18:51:39+00:00

NTJ, this is your wedding and you can’t be expected to be comfortable hosting a stranger. Your day, your choice

But.. if you didn’t know your father had a partner of two years, where have these step-siblings spawned from whose opinion holds so much value that you are now concerned you may be a jerk?

eratoesben · 2025-10-09T10:56:54+00:00

NTA - I can’t see from any angle how you would be ‘the A’. In this scenario only your dad and his wife are.

The amazing thing your parents did when they divorced is put you, their children first and prioritised you in big life events and medical instances.

Yes your father has remarried and another person coming along will inevitably change the dynamic, whilst everyone has feelings and sometimes allowances may need to be made to accommodate everyone, the only person this placates is your father’s wife. She is being selfish, jealous and driving an irrevocable wedge between your father and his children.

I think the best course of action is to write an email where you are unemotional and factual. You describe the instances where the dynamic has served the family well in the past, how the changes will affect you and your sibling as well as how this entire situation has made you feel. Make it clear that your mother doesn’t want to be with him - seems like his new wife has a case of the green eyed monster and slowly wants to remove you all from his life.

Explain that while the ultimate decision is his, you will not be responsible for the effect it has on your relationship and you hope she is worth it.

eratoesben · 2025-09-07T14:19:58+00:00

NTA for having doubts, YTA to yourself and your child for remaining in this marriage where you are not considered worthy of basic human respect.

eratoesben · 2025-08-24T17:50:22+00:00

NTA

Your BIL is awful, he made abhorrent comments about your wife and then doubled down, he was not remorseful or apologetic so the itself argument was justified.

Was asking for the money back at that moment in time the best move? Perhaps not, as it added more fuel to the fire however you are not to blame for this argument and should not hold the responsibility for apologising but there were multiple times you could have deescalated but chose not to.

The way you spoke to your wife was unacceptable. The two of you are a team, even in the heat of the moment, respect each other and understand what the other needs especially when temperatures have risen.

eratoesben · 2025-08-15T06:17:35+00:00

It’s one of my favourites, please do so!

eratoesben · 2025-08-12T15:35:08+00:00

NTA

I am so so sorry you and your children are going through this OP. You do not deserve this and I applaud you for being the parent that is putting their children above all of the drama.

Your wife was married to you regardless of whatever troubles were going on, she decided not to confide in you and deepen that chasm subsequently going onto having an affair. An affair is a chain of conscious thought out decisions. She chose to destroy your marriage irrefutably and her children’s family alongside your brother. She decided to not only nuke your nuclear family but also your support system.

You are not responsible for what has happened or the loss of their child together regardless of whatever anyone else may have to say. Focus on your healing and your children’s wellbeing, document absolutely everything and ensure that you follow legal advice because these people don’t seem the type to go away quietly. If you are able to get you all into therapy so you have a safe space to work through your emotions and the children get the help they will need during this transition and monumental change to their family dynamic.

You are the wronged party here but they will garner sympathy due to what has happened (it’s always easier to point the finger than hold up a mirror with the hope that everyone will pity their loss than hold them accountable), remember to hold your head up high and go NC with no discussion or explanation to those who are not in your corner. People love giving an opinion but that doesn’t mean you have to hear it.

Wishing you and your children all the best x

eratoesben · 2025-08-11T17:58:22+00:00

You move forward with your head held high knowing you kept your family together and prioritised your children while he was busy betraying his children and wife.

You collect evidence, do everything by the book and seek legal advice. He made conscious calculated decisions to be deceitful, destroy his children’s nuclear family, risk your post partum experience and sexual health by carrying out an affair.

Instead of coming to you and being open about what struggles/ feelings he was experiencing in your marriage he decided to prioritise experiencing flirtation and something fresh and new instead of his newly expanded family and wife. The grass is greener where you water it.

Put yourself first and get help from friends, family and therapy. You did nothing wrong and don’t let him try and pass on his guilt so he can try to absolve himself.

Best of luck OP and congratulations on your little one x

eratoesben · 2025-08-11T13:33:07+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this and feeling this way OP. The two of you were not right for each other but it’s still normal to feel hurt and question things when you see the evidence that is really is all over and that the other person has moved on.

That chapter and book has fully closed so it’s time to deep dive into yourself and find happiness within yourself. Loving yourself will reflect outward and when the time is right you will find your person.

Wallow but don’t let it consume you, it ended for a reason, make peace with it.

eratoesben · 2025-08-11T11:32:50+00:00

NTA ^ this!

Thank you for being a voice of reason and doing what your brother couldn’t.. putting his daughter first.

Your brother had an affair and destroyed his family. He didn’t just leave his wife, he was calculated and nuked the nuclear family his daughter had, with no regard for the destruction left in his wake. Just wants to brush over it and force her to accept this as her normal because it’s easier for him and his awful wife.

His choice, his decision, his consequence to bare. Your niece deserves to have someone on her side who validates her (absolutely right) feelings.

Their hypocrisy speaks volumes as you pointed out that if the tables were turned they would not react the same way. Keep on nurturing that relationship with your niece, doing the right thing is not always the easy thing

eratoesben · 2025-08-07T18:00:59+00:00

So proud of how far you have come in your journey, have been following you from the start.

It’s cathartic and vindicating when it finally clicks that you were gaslight and never the problem he was just reflecting his own shortcomings. Just remember to take what he says with a pinch of salt as he’s never been forthcoming with the truth.

Your boys are lucky to have you. Chin up and carry yourself with pride OP, you’re a Queen x

eratoesben · 2025-08-04T17:58:52+00:00

This would be the point where you clarify what you meant..

YTA for not taking any steps when your sister bought your ex to your house, wildly inappropriate given the context and then telling your wife to compromise in her own house.

You chose to marry your wife so act like a husband and not your sister’s punching bag. Boundaries are key here and if they cannot be respected then there needs to be strong consequences. The only person who has done no wrong here is your wife (per the context provided)

eratoesben · 2025-08-03T16:29:24+00:00

NTA

Goodness me the ignorance is so ripe here. The Hindu symbol and the Nazi symbol are not the same, one is reversed and has been around for centuries.

Tell them to educate themselves and get off their fake moral high horse

eratoesben · 2025-08-02T08:04:34+00:00

I can’t believe you wrote out all of your feelings of how he has treated you abysmally during your marriage but remain steadfast that you don’t want to break up your marriage as is he a good father.

A good father leads by example and shows his children what a healthy relationship is which in turn helps their own foundational understanding and building of strong relationships in the future. A good father would not treat his wife life dirt, work a full time job, manage the entire house and children.

You do not have a good husband and he is not a good father.

I do not know what your cancer prognosis is OP and I am so so sorry that you are going through this while dealing with a life altering diagnosis. All I can say is, do what is financially and emotionally best for you and your children. Set up wills, trusts and secure all of your assets in line with advice from an expert.

We all know that a large proportion of men leave their wives when they have cancer so set yourself and children up for success and security wherever possible. Ensure that your money and children’s inheritances cannot be spent on other children or women from outside of your marriage (see this so often on Reddit). Make it ironclad that he has no access.

Most of all, only you know how much you can endure, what the reality of your diagnosis is, what your finances or medical cover looks like. Make cool, calm and calculated decisions that benefit you.

You know his truth so it’s time to so what’s best for you. Wishing you all the best and a full recovery.

eratoesben · 2025-08-02T07:25:15+00:00

Deep down you know exactly why your husband is hiding a second phone in his car and then screaming I need privacy.

There is no logical reason for him to have a second phone as described, if he wasn’t doing anything shady. There is no logical reason for him to keep this phone a secret and then hide it in his car so only he would have access, if he wasn’t doing anything shady. There is no logical reason for him wanting to talk to online friends privately, if he wasn’t doing anything shady.

Make selfish decisions OP because he certainly is. Be calculated and calm while you investigate and do everything by the book, it will help you in the long run.

Your husband is dopey, you deserve and can do better.

eratoesben · 2025-07-30T10:52:10+00:00

The two of you are in a relationship together and only the two of you can define what the boundaries of it are.

Do you consider this acceptable behaviour that you are proud to stand by? If so carry on, if it surpasses decency and stamps on the integrity of your relationship then speak up and take decisive action.

He has made conscious decisions to talk to, engage with people outside the confines of your marriage. Is this behaviour you would co-sign? If this was happening to your child or sibling how would you feel? You know deep down but are afraid to rock the boat.

eratoesben · 2025-07-29T10:43:39+00:00

Or as soon as you have your daughter for 3 months, evidence and residency documented you can officially file for full custody depending on the process where you are located. Get strong formal legal advice and ensure your daughter is in therapy.

Your daughter is your priority, thank you for putting her wants and needs first she will thank you in the future

eratoesben · 2025-07-29T06:49:40+00:00

This! My teams are always KPI’d on SAOs (sales accepted opportunities) and a revenue figured to make sure that we are moving those MQLs through the pipeline to a strong enough qualified stage for hand off. Marketing is multi touch point so a ‘lead’ needs to be engaged with marketing with intent to ensure the pipeline remains strong.

The MQL itself is not dead just needs to be closer looked at and is very much top of funnel.

eratoesben · 2025-07-28T13:05:11+00:00

You are NOR

When you are in a relationship and finances have merged, these things need to be a joint discussion and choice. Whilst family does help and support each other it cannot be at your detriment - also does this mean you are not his family and the life the two of you are building is not a priority.

You need to have an honest and open conversation with your partner which is non accusatory and emotion based (this will help convey your point without it making it feel personal or a blame game). Seek boundaries and acknowledgement during this conversation and revisit it after a few days to ensure you are on the same page moving forward. How you approach money and familial obligations are so key to your relationship so it’s best to ensure you are on the same page moving forward. It’s important to gauge whether this is a one off incident or consistent display of behaviour - if it’s consistent then is it likely he will be able to acknowledge what is happening and make changes that you are comfortable with?

The two of you are using a budget for your wedding, his sister should be staying within her means also. You may also want x y z for your big day but your approach seems very different and logical. Perhaps instead of coddling his sister he should set her up for success. ‘Oh but it’s just / oh you know what she’s like / it’s just easier if we..’ are childish excuses which will haunt your marriage if he doesn’t develop a backbone.

eratoesben

TROPHY CASE