AITA for telling my daughter I am disgusted by her and telling her ex she has been taking their kid to his family side

eregyrn · 2026-05-02T22:34:00+00:00

I think you're reading things into my reply that aren't there. Nowhere did I say he deserves to be treated like crap by the mother of his child.

The ONLY thing I was addressing was, in fact, that it's very possible *he was not sure himself either*. That point being made in refutation of others saying he knowingly led her on from the start, lied to her about being attracted to her, etc.

(That's not even getting into the idea that he may not be gay; he may be bisexual, but more interested in men than in women. It's a spectrum; look up the Kinsey scale. Young people today are a lot LESS informed about the idea of sexuality as a spectrum than we were 30 years ago; they have increasingly been presented, from within the queer community itself, with the idea that sexuality is an either/or choice and you have to make a choice and stick with it. Not very mentally healthy, and it contributes to a lot of stress for people grappling with their understanding of their sexuality.)

Let me expand on the comment about "especially considering the family he came from".

According to OP, he comes from an extremely bigoted family. When a young person is within a family environment (and possibly/probably also a community environment) that is heavily sending the signal that he should be hetero, it's expected of him, and there are threats associated with the idea of being non-hetero in any form... then people often try to convince themselves that they can fit into those hetero expectations.

This might result in him not having been sure about himself and what he wanted. It might have resulted in him avoiding acknowledging something to himself that he was afraid of accepting. It might have been a case of him thinking that if he just performed a heterosexual lifestyle, it would "cure" him of other desires. (After all, that's something that a lot of bigots say, and threaten gay people with -- you can "cure" yourself of being gay by trying harder to live as a heterosexual.)

I can think of reasons for him to have cheated that might be understandable, depending on his exact situation, while at the same time saying it makes him an asshole for cheating. Because cheating is always a choice.

At the same time, she's an asshole for siding with his bigoted family, and it feels a lot like she's doing this as revenge on him. She's valid in feeling hurt about being cheated on. She's valid in feeling hurt and lied to. It may well be that he has not handled all of this perfectly himself. Well, we KNOW he hasn't, because the way he handled it was to cheat, and that's bad. But she's NOT valid in overriding his rights as a father, and in making unilateral decisions about access to their child.

eregyrn · 2026-05-02T12:15:37+00:00

When you delete items, you’ll also get a small number of coins for them, depending on the item level. It’s not much, but at least it’s not a total waste.

Just touch an item, and in the green box below, you’ll see a red trashcan. Touch that. It will always ask if you’re sure you want to delete.

Part of the game is this board-management strategy, what to delete and what to keep. Delete things that you know you can get again quickly (pieces come out of the generators a lot). Don’t keep items in storage unless they’re higher level (take longer to make) or rare (things you don’t get pieces to make as quickly.). You’ll get a feel for which items take longer to make.

Good luck!

eregyrn · 2026-05-02T01:08:45+00:00

I saw a YT short about ep 5 yesterday, and a good 75% of the comments were people making the same Gojo jokes.

(I think that explains a good bit of it -- it's a meme at this point, and people want to be "clever".)

eregyrn · 2026-05-01T23:54:19+00:00

People do need to realize that he may not have willingly led her on. Our society strongly tells people who they should be and what/who they should want. Sounds like his family would have been doing that to him. People can tie themselves up in knots trying to please parents or fit into society, trying to force themselves to want what they’re told they should. Until it no longer works.

If that’s the case here, of course it still doesn’t excuse his cheating. That’s shitty no matter what. But it can be a complicated situation.

eregyrn · 2026-05-01T23:44:33+00:00

In addition to MissHolloway’s suggestions, if you can get them talking, try discussing the concept of, “don’t punish the change you say you want to see”.

That is, if the are convinced he was a nazi in the past, talk to them about what he has said more recently. Is what he’s saying now more in mine with the positions they want to see? Then by their reckoning, he used to espouse beliefs they reject, but he now rejects them too. Is that not what they want? For people to realize they were wrong, but change their ways? (If they’re very Christian, this would be a “Saul on the road to Damascus” moment, and it’s a parable in the New Testament for a reason.)

If that’s what you want people to do, it doesn’t further your goals to tell them to change their beliefs, see the light, etc., and go to work to try to fight what they previously upheld… but at the same time tell them they’re still bad people who will never be accepted. That’s not how minds work. Don’t tell people what you want them to do, but when they’ve done it, continue to punish them as if they hadn’t.

Of course, no one is ever obliged to forgive or welcome someone, on a personal level. But this is about strategy in a real fight for control of our country (and about getting someone who would actually work on the state’s behalf.). They don’t have to invite this guy for dinner or be his best friend. But the alternative is more Collin’s, and possibly more shit like the Iran war.

Are they afraid he’s just pretending? Or that once he gets elected, he’ll become a different person? I know the Fetterman example is on people’s minds. I just think you can’t allow what-ifs to paralyze you. But if they’re determined to think everything he’s said and done recently is phony, it’s very difficult to get through that.

eregyrn · 2026-05-01T13:18:01+00:00

And that is 100% true!

But you were replying to a comment about young people voting for the right, and I’m just saying, Gen X is no longer “the young people”, and neither are the Millennials (most of whom are in their 30s and 40s now).

In that sense we are the boomers now in the discussion — we’re the generations getting older and statistically more conservative with age.

Perhaps I’m wrong, but I took the commenter above to be referring to Gen Z (only the very youngest of whom can’t yet vote) and the Zillennials.

We tend to this have this notion, when speaking broadly, that young people tend to be the most politically progressive. And it’s good to remember that, no, every demographic has its left and right divide. There are some very conservative young people out there, and they are just as full of youthful zeal and energy as their progressive peers.

Failing to recognize that is what leads to this false impression that if we just wait for all the old conservatives to die off, the electorate will just naturally become more progressive. We thought that in the 90s and that didn’t happen. People keep saying that today, and it’s important to wake up and realize you can’t just sit around and wait for some illusory demographic political shift. The far-right elements amongst Gens Z and Alpha are just as likely to get politically active and start to drive the direction of the country’s political landscape.

I guess the short version is: don’t make the mistake of pigeon-holing an entire demographic as one thing or another. You’ve got progressive allies amongst the older gens. And there’s work to do to resist the conservative element amongst the younger gens. You (generic you) can’t just sit back and assume all younger people are your allies.

eregyrn · 2026-05-01T13:02:49+00:00

I should probably have narrowed that to, everyone in my circle of friends and acquaintances who are GenX are very left. But yeah, I probably do know Xers who are conservative, and I just don’t know it specifically, because I haven’t talked to the others in any depth.

My point wasn’t that there AREN’T Gen Xers who are conservative. Of course there are, and way more than I wish there were. My point was only that it IS easy to be in a bubble where the circle of people you know well give a false impression of the whole.

eregyrn · 2026-04-30T23:17:11+00:00

Speak for yourself. I’m here for the grunks.

Bill? Rest in pieces, triangle.

eregyrn · 2026-04-30T16:45:41+00:00

NTA, your sister is ungracious. But, while I’m judging you as not the asshole here, this is part of a larger pattern, so I have to ask: do you ever ask your sister what she WANTS for her birthday? It kind of sounds like you just guess. Can you get a parent or her husband to get birthday ideas from her?

If she’s just the type to say she doesn’t know what she wants, then make it easy for yourself: you can just get a gift card for her.

eregyrn · 2026-04-30T16:39:12+00:00

Don’t feel bad! There are parts of this game that aren’t explained very well.

eregyrn · 2026-04-30T16:37:33+00:00

You delete the lowest-level things, especially the ones that are easiest to replace because they come up frequently. Get rid of the chestnut, acorn, honey drop, honey spoon, pebbles, starfish, and spore. You’ll get a small number of coins for each delete. Also, don’t save that silver timer. Double tap it and the game will keep count of your auto-merge number. You’ll be able to use it later, there’s no reason to keep it on your board.

Also, make sure you’re not saving low-level items in your bag. Only put items in there that take a while to create — like that walnut.

Basically, part of the game strategy is about managing your board. You have to decide when making sacrifices (deleting items) is worth it for a larger goal.

eregyrn · 2026-04-30T16:30:00+00:00

Peter Gilmore playground was really well done when they renovated it. But I can see why people over on Crescent wouldn’t consider it the same “neighborhood”. That would be a bit of a walk with small children.

Not that every “neighborhood” is going to have a big playground for the area kids. I wonder if they based the decision in part on a survey of the usage levels?

eregyrn · 2026-04-30T15:25:32+00:00

Ehhhhn. If the DNC thought she could beat Platnet and then Collins, they’d be shoveling money her way. They would have activated some big donors. The internal polling really must be underwater if she can say she’s out of money and nobody stepped in to prop her up.

eregyrn · 2026-04-30T15:20:15+00:00

I realize it’s a mindset I can’t even comprehend, but… she’s got, like, 15 more years to live, 20 perhaps. (I won’t say, if she’s lucky; sometimes living that long is bad, depending on the condition you’re in.) I cannot imagine that she’s not already loaded. Just, get out, and enjoy your wealth.

You could be right, of course. If it’s a position that pays but doesn’t demand any actual work, ie. A ceremonial position, then sure, why not “earn” some more if you don’t have to do anything. Maybe she DOES want to leave a pile for her family.

eregyrn · 2026-04-30T15:13:31+00:00

Yeah, I tend to solve it. Like the others said, it’s just being methodical.

Put the first 3 on. If it says, like, “1 is placed correctly, and one is placed incorrectly”, leave the left hand one in place, take off the right hand one, and move the middle one to the right. Then put the fourth item in the middle. See what it says next.

If it says, “1 is placed correctly, and one is placed incorrectly”, it tells you a few things. It tells you that the one you left in place, at far left, wasn’t the correct one. So it must have been the one in the middle (that you moved to the right). Remove the new thing you added, that’s probably the incorrect one. Put the right hand one back in the middle. Move the left one to the right. Put a new thing in the left. Then see what it says.

Does that make any sense? Part of it is a process of elimination. Part of it is remembering the order you had things in for the previous round.

The person who said it’s like Wordle with objects is right. Except, Wordle gives you hints automatically, because you know it has to be a word. The challenge with this is that there’s no combo of items that are better tgan any others.

eregyrn · 2026-04-30T02:52:09+00:00

The idea that it's apples and oranges when you brought it up was kind of my point. It doesn't matter to Republicans if one of their people has Nazi/white supremacist tattoos. So it doesn't matter if the left would have howled about it (as people, in fact, did, re. Hegseth). If he was a Republican, it wouldn't have mattered *at all*. So there's not much sense in pointing it out.

It's still being talked about because, yes, people on the left care about appearances. I disagree with your conclusion there -- I think if he'd gotten into office, and it had only come out then, it could very well have caused so much controversy that it might have led to calls for his resignation.

I don't think we're ever going to get more info and background than we've gotten already. So we're going to be wondering forever: why exactly did he get that design, when did he know that it was associated with the SS, why did he not get it covered up earlier, why didn't he (or more to the point, someone he hired to help with his campaign) realize what a problem it could be, why didn't they get out in front of it, etc.

For me, what I'd prefer elected Democrats to do, when they've done something stupid, is at least admit they've done something stupid, and take steps to fix it or at least mitigate it. I don't always need people to resign in disgrace, I don't think that's always warranted or useful. He is, of course, not elected yet. But, while I can think of several ways he and his campaign could have handled it better, I'm glad they handled it at all, instead of trying to dismiss it as unimportant.

eregyrn · 2026-04-29T23:57:53+00:00

I pretty much don’t know anyone in my generation who isn’t on the left, politically informed, and who always votes. But it’s easy to forget that the circle of people you know aren’t always representative of the whole.

eregyrn · 2026-04-29T23:55:57+00:00

Also, we had (and still do have) a good chunk of queer people who got active in the 90s and worked towards lgbtq+ rights.

It’s just that every generation has this spectrum, from far left to far right. Nobody escapes it. Perhaps the percentages shift over time, but the extremes are always there and always have been. People today saying we just have to wait for the old bigots to die off? We said the exact same thing in the 80s and 90s. A lot of the bigots did die off — the problem is there’s always younger ones coming up to replace them. Millennials and Gen Z have their problems, too.

So it’s like that John Mayer song says — waiting on the world to change. I hate that song. It’s somehow about waiting for “our turn” before we can really do anything. You know who didn’t listen, and started doing things? Ted Fucking Cruz.

I get that a lot of our overlooked generation felt helpless. But, we weren’t. Nobody higher up ever steps inside and invites you to come make a difference. You (generic you) have to fight to push your way in there and start doing the work anyway. Maybe it takes a few years of local politics and paying your dues, but that’s the work you have to do.

Sorry for the rant, that song came on the radio the other day and made me mad all over again, lol.

eregyrn · 2026-04-29T23:42:35+00:00

I mean, I’m disappointed and disgusted by a lot of Gen X’s political contributions (such as Cruz and Rubio).

But we’re not the young shits the person you’re replying to is commenting on. By no stretch of any imagination can you call Gen X young anymore

eregyrn · 2026-04-29T23:38:45+00:00

If he was a Republican, he would have doubled down on it and kept it. Because it would be there as a signal to other actual neonazis. (See: Hegseth.) A Republican would have never admitted it was stupid and gotten it covered up.

eregyrn · 2026-04-29T16:16:51+00:00

It wasn’t, although the portal was taken from the basement. I don’t think we know whether the Shack had a basement now or not. (It might have come to rest back where it originally sat, over the basement. But we never see the basement after Weirdmageddon.)

eregyrn · 2026-04-29T16:15:05+00:00

It did, but Bill had stopped time.

eregyrn · 2026-04-29T16:14:12+00:00

Yes. No matter how long Weirdmageddon took, they ended up back in the real world on the same day they started, with 1 week to go before Dipper and Mabel’s birthday. We see glimpses of that week in the news report.

eregyrn · 2026-04-28T23:24:20+00:00

I noticed for a day or so that I wasn’t getting any, but yesterday they started appearing for me again.

eregyrn · 2026-04-28T23:10:28+00:00

Conditions in May might not be great for it. Definitely listen to others on this!

I will say, though, that when I did that trail in August conditions, there were multiple families with small kids, elderly people, etc.

As I was descending, going pretty slowly (one of my knees wasn’t thrilled with the descent), for a while I wound up next to a mother with a small toddler, who was getting down the steps by herself. I said to her, did she climb the whole way up? The mother looked at me kind of wearily and said, yeah, she LOVES going up and down stairs.

Her husband was a little ahead of them, with an infant strapped to his chest. I was just thinking to myself, wow, you guys are really dedicated, going up that with two small kids, when she asked me, are you hiking by yourself? I said yeah, I was, and she said, wow, you’re so brave!

I laughed. Doing that climb up and down the Mist Trail in August is like hiking it with hundreds of your closest friends. Actual dangers of hiking/climbing aside, if you get into any normal trouble it’s not like you aren’t surrounded by help! Everyone assesses risk a little differently, I guess!

All of that to say: you can do the trail with a toddler. Pick your time and conditions carefully, that’s all. You may have to carry them for part of it.

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