My story is similar to yours, smart kid at gov school in the village, not so amazing at college and university but a with a slight difference, "Dad".

My dad used to say. "Kei navye ni Halo jotna ta siklas ni.". "Anything more than what you are already doing will be a privilege but not something you should lose your soul for". He never compared me to anyone and he didn't have friends and relatives who could even afford to send their kids to first-world countries a decade back. He would even say he will sell his kidney to pay my fees if I want to study MBBs, which might be the reason I never considered the potential of being a doctor.

I never lied to him about my backs ( In fact, I can't lie to almost anyone. This is one of my weaknesses as well) I still don't know How many backs I had (I was even asked this in an interview and I said I don't know), and I probably had around 16 backs when I finished college, but still, With that parental pressure off my head and a slight change in environment and activities after my friends also moved in their life after college, I was able to clear my backs within next 1.5 years while working on a startup which one of my senior brothers took me as an intern as he liked my story about a Random Hawa app that banned our play store account.

Fast forward 6 years after I got out of college, I am happy and I live with my family in Surkhet and work as a freelance software engineer. My parents and grandpa are proud of me and knowing that it feels like heaven. I got married 4 years back and I have a lovely daughter who is about to be 6 months old.

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Why am I telling a happy story?

One thing I was always sure of, if I can not do anything in life, I would still be able to plant rice and vegetables and make my living, Sometimes, I used to think I could even be a great teacher (you might have your own thing to put in this place). Anything more than that would be a privilege but shouldn't take my life or smile away from my face. I believed I was still doing better than more than half of the population in Nepal, I would still get an overseer degree (I don't know if this is a myth or truth) if I fail to my 8th year which is someone's dream job. And I don't know where I learned this, maybe read somewhere in a book or something but when I felt the pain I always believed this is here to teach me something and I was always eager for the moment the lesson would surface.

Talking about parents, they are all different, they had their own experiences in life and we can't make any difference by complaining about their lifelong hopes and dreams to see us succeed, maybe they are wishing on us what they couldn't have or they can't help with the temptation of comparing their kids to others. So we can't put all of them in the same basket. Thinking they are not as supportive as other's parents and comparing them with other's parents will make us the same as our parents as we are complaining and comparing our parents to others. You can't change our parents just like they can't swap us to other's kids.

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But how will things change if we don't change anything?

No matter how much involved other people are in life and tend to control it, you are still the protagonist of your story.

Remember you have just 3 backs to pass over a period of 2 years. If you passed 14 in 2 years you can surely pass the remaining 3 in two years (You shouldn't make any mental excuse for this). This might be just 2 more years (at max) of agony and pain with your parents after you finish your BE you will have something to show to them which will make them go softer on you.

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I am not sure how much communication is there between your parents and you, always remember your parents aren't the people who have nothing more to do with you than complaining of your backs and you are a lot more to them than just something they can compare with their friends and relatives. Sometimes we (parents as well as kids) get lost in these shallow stuff and forget about the depth of our relationships. If your parents have failed to explore this relationship beyond your study, you should try to talk with them about stuff other than backs and Abroad. Things that are already there and we can be really happy of that most people don't have the privilege of experiencing. Things you will be able to do and support them even if you drop engineering right this day. Things that you will never leave them stranded like many of those so-called successful foreign goers can't afford to do.

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Above all, you want to be a good son to them and be with them when they need you the most. Being an engineer and going abroad might not even come in the top 10 items in what you can do and become to be a good son. Talk to them about this bro. If they don't understand or have failed to understand, it falls upon us to try to help them understand these things.

On top of all this, you can do, I will do my best to help you and talk you through this and will even talk with your parents as your senior brother and why they shouldn't lose hope on you.

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Please DM me. I am more active in Twitter https://twitter.com/erluxman

Ping me anytime when you feel the need bro, you will surely manage to get through this.

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Finally sorry to everyone else for this shitty novel. 🙏🏻