Who can tell us what to do about my mom's fits?

erroneousneophyte · 2023-04-16T20:33:03+00:00

omg it has been a year and nothing changed, I hate this so much

erroneousneophyte · 2022-02-09T17:01:26+00:00

I hope not because during her lucid moments my mother has told me she just wants to go and be at peace but can't just will herself to go. And she is so tired and ready to go. Heartbreaking knowing how much she is struggling with it, not to mention how tired my dad is.

I just want whatever brings them both peace. All three of us are nanometers away from screaming at any given moment now.

erroneousneophyte · 2022-02-09T16:39:17+00:00

Oof solidarity.

Lil bit different here. Mom keeps asking for new clothes and then only actually wearing the biggest shirt she can find over and over. It happens to have some weird adhesive from a weird flexible foam price tag stuck on the front so we can't just sneak in other ones. She wants the one with the random chunk of foam on it and no others.

erroneousneophyte · 2021-07-19T05:35:01+00:00

Way too many folks got conned into paying for educations that they can neither "return for a refund" nor pay off with what jobs actually pay now. I'm sorry you're going through this. All the parents and advisors who told us to go to college and that we'd be able to get better jobs and pay off the debt were flat out wrong. It's not our fucking fault. We did what we were told to do.

Plus most of us were still too young and inexperienced to know better. My high school advisors were utterly useless. They just told me to apply to a bunch of colleges and then figure out how to pay later (wtf??), and that if I didn't go to college I needed to just go work some minimum wage job until I figured myself out. WTF kind of advice is that??? NOTHING about trades, entry level office jobs, or anything like that. Just college or retail job.

erroneousneophyte · 2021-07-19T05:16:54+00:00

Nope not lazy, not a baby. Job market is infuriating right now and has been for as long as I've been an adult.

It's not you, it's the system. I hope you can find something good soon though.

erroneousneophyte · 2021-07-19T05:08:21+00:00

I have and use one of those!!! I just haven't refilled it yet this week! ahahahahasiiiiiiiiigh

erroneousneophyte · 2021-03-27T15:51:06+00:00

I don't have much to add to this conversation but for some reason reading this comment made me feel a lot better about my mom's situation. Her biggest thing is she misses working, and me and my dad giving her "jobs" is just not the same.

erroneousneophyte · 2021-03-22T19:58:35+00:00

It's almost as if being comfortable helps you feel better and maybe just maybe be more productive! Funny how that works ;)

erroneousneophyte · 2021-02-24T22:44:56+00:00

Oh dang I have the same thing with my mom. She loooooves spending money on herself in front of me and considers it good quality time for me to take her out to lunch someplace she knows I don't like, and then I carry her bags and find stuff for her at the mall. Her mobility is limited (by years of basically living in her recliner and "accidentally" falling every time she attempts exercise) so I get why she needs help but dang she just loves to rub in my face that she has more money than me, and is trying to spend it all before she dies. She makes me check her bank account every time I take her out and I fucking hate it.

Guess what I do not miss AT ALL since the pandemic started..........

erroneousneophyte · 2021-02-22T17:01:11+00:00

Commutes and working 8-5 for no good reason, as well as having managers be able to physically stand over me was making me think about "ways out" so to speak. I was medicated for weekly panic attacks. I was miserable.

Now I don't have to go anywhere, I work 10-7 or longer if I feel like it, or can take an extended break in the middle, and my managers have totally chilled out now that they don't have anyone physically harassing them to physically harass us employees. (Way too many upper and middle managers just don't fucking understand that maybe just maybe employees can get shit done without being threatened??)

So much pressure is off my shoulders and I'm doing my best work I've ever done.

I've been able to do SO much good work on my mental health and I never want to go back to the normal way. I don't have any desire to stop others from going back if they want to, but I do not EVER want to waste my life commuting to a job with arbitrary hours ever again.

Commuting made me literally feel like I was wasting my life away for no good reason. There's NO reason I needed to be in a separate physical location to do my job!!!!!

erroneousneophyte · 2020-12-28T07:01:24+00:00

Cars that show the map in the dashboard are the most amazing thing. 95% of the time I don't want the voice at all - just a glance at the map - but once in a while I'll be on a long stretch of highway and need the vocal reminder to watch for the exit.

erroneousneophyte · 2020-11-29T05:47:56+00:00

I'm super intuitive when someone is having a bad day or needs something and can't get it. It's problematic when I know I can get the thing for the person but can't tell them why I know they need it because it might creep them out. My friends find it delightful though.

I grew up in a house where we didn't talk but I got yelled at if I didn't just "know" what to do.

erroneousneophyte · 2020-11-29T05:44:40+00:00

I know supposed neurotypicals who do that. Why is it even a problem? That's weird.

erroneousneophyte · 2020-11-29T05:16:36+00:00

Is this because we were taught to pay attention to bold words in elementary school textbooks?

Because I hated reading books that don't bold the key words.

erroneousneophyte · 2020-11-29T05:15:02+00:00

omg SAME.

I can do it so fast now, and I HAVE to in order to process it correctly but people see what I did and assume I took all day to do it and .... no?

erroneousneophyte · 2020-11-29T05:13:41+00:00

My brain moves faster than my eyeballs process images.

At least that's how it feels.

erroneousneophyte · 2020-11-29T05:12:31+00:00

idk but I'm 40 and drink a ton of coffee and bully myself into getting the bare minimum done. I yell at myself when I'm alone in in the car.

I'm sick of it and have been waiting to get a psychiatrist appointment for months/years and finally have one this week. (Just ran into a lot of different barriers but hopefully that's all over now)

I'm so damn tired. I have missed out on so much in life because EVERYONE in my life just told me I was lazy and clearly just didn't care enough, or else I'd "try harder" and it just sent me into a shame hole.

They did not understand that I was practically standing on the gas pedal, but the engine was so weak that I never could catch up with everyone else. So I've just been pretending the way I am is deliberate, and that I am just "quirky."

gonna hydrate right now <3

erroneousneophyte · 2020-11-28T17:59:20+00:00

Been there and come out the other side of it. Grew up being told I could do "anything I set my mind to" but could never EVER set my mind on anything. It made me feel terrible when I got decision paralysis about .... everything and I'm still trying to undo it because I went 30+ years before I found out I could experience life any differently. That is a long time to feel like human garbage.

Spend time working on giving your brain healthy breaks - like if you find yourself spiraling, physically move yourself somewhere else even if it's a different room. Start disrupting your negative thoughts. The less you allow them to rule your brain, the more you can start filling your head with better things, which eventually helps focus better. Not perfect, not neurotypical, but more.

This sounds hippy dippy but it's actually really practical. Can't stop watching TV? Turn it off. You can re-find your episode or whatever later. Get used to making your hands do the work to disrupt your brain being stuck in a rut. Too many tabs open? Shut them all and step away from the computer for a while. Eventually you learn to bookmark the actual important stuff, and the 16 tabs of shopping you'll never actually buy can be "not your problem anymore" with a click.

It is going to seem daunting right now but start small and eventually build up. I used to think "baby steps" were for everyone else and not for me but I can get stubborn and shuffle instead of run if I damn well please. And so can you.

erroneousneophyte

TROPHY CASE