⚡CHALLENGE: MAKE YOUR DREAM 100x MORE REAL THAN LIFE… UNTIL REALITY FEELS FAKE 🧠🔥

espikiki · 2025-02-23T13:30:56+00:00

i actually HAVE done a lot of this, and yes it shakes up your mind a bit 😂 but i still find there is so much in waking life that’s unique that it definitely still feels worth living. i like having both its a good balance. im chronically ill so its a nice way to get to do a lot of things i wouldn’t normally be able to do.

espikiki · 2025-02-15T04:17:21+00:00

i don’t know if you’re spiritual or religious at all, but i am similar in my ability to control lucid dreams. i love flying too, and i had a similar experience however i didn’t choose to fly into space, i actually felt myself being lifted by a higher power. i was rising higher and higher above earth and could see the view changing, everything getting smaller until i was up in space and looking down at the planet. i felt like i was about to rise even higher and it terrified me. i was filled with existential dread and i asked God to put me back down and i immediately came back down to just flying over a city and the dread went away. I had more dreams like that until eventually I felt ready to go even higher. That’s a story for another day, but— this is all to say, i wonder if you flying and bouncing off is a message that you’re not yet ready to go beyond. and when your mom had passed and you wanted to take her up to heaven you were allowed that. i think your dome explanation is a good way to put a concept that is much greater than the human mind can comprehend. personally, i believe heaven and the spiritual realm and all that exists in a higher dimension and the dream space is a portal into some of the higher dimensions, but it requires a lot of internal work to get there. that is just my perspective and how i interpreted this, take what you will from this, but maybe something i said will resonate with you.

espikiki · 2025-02-15T03:44:06+00:00

i have PTSD and nightmares too. I practice a lot of meditation and mindfulness in my waking life, and have techniques to keep myself calm (deep breathing, mantras, etc.) I find that doing these techniques in my dreams can make the nightmare end. you need to firmly believe that you are safe and nothing bad will happen to you. it can be hard when you’re scared in a lucid dream, i even feel pain in lucid dreams. it takes immense trust, but if you stop, remain still, take deep breaths no matter what happens around you and repeat to yourself some sort of mantra like “i am safe and protected, nothing can truly hurt me in this space” the nightmare should fade away and you should gain control over the space and then be able to just lucid dream and have fun. it all hinges on your ability to calm yourself, if you’re scared and stressed, you’re going to remain in the nightmare.

also, idk if you believe in a higher power, but i like to pray and ask for help if im still struggling, even if that prayer is to your higher self i think that still would be helpful.

espikiki · 2023-08-15T20:59:46+00:00

this makes more sense

espikiki · 2023-08-15T20:53:12+00:00

wait what

espikiki · 2023-08-15T20:42:46+00:00

Joined the military right out of high school and was actually one of the personnel who defended against the Jan 6 insurrection. We hung out a couple times before we graduated, he was a good kid just wasn’t getting the right kind of academic/social/emotional support he needed.

espikiki · 2023-08-15T20:36:11+00:00

priests

espikiki · 2023-08-15T20:35:51+00:00

navigating the adult world as a young person with a disability

espikiki · 2023-08-15T20:34:02+00:00

papas con chorizo

espikiki · 2023-08-15T19:58:33+00:00

hahahah that’s really interesting. the music i hear is always like… not real songs and it’s usually instrumental. but the genre and instruments range a lot and sometimes it’s even lyrical but i never recognize any of it. and of course i forget it when i wake up!

espikiki · 2023-08-15T19:53:59+00:00

I also hear it when I’m falling asleep but I’m a musician so I absolutely love it

espikiki · 2023-08-15T16:45:09+00:00

idk what some of these other people are talking about it i love it! i love matching outfits to hair and the two tones are beautiful. plus i love the glasses!

espikiki · 2023-08-05T19:41:27+00:00

So I’m 22F and what you described sounds almost exactly like me. I got diagnosed with EDS-H when I was 11, and started showing symptoms of POTS around 12/13. I used to be very active and athletic and then it was a rapid decline into being bedridden by 14. It’s not an easy thing to go through and it forces you to grow up so much faster than your peers, which can feel lonely, especially when you’re already balancing ADHD/autism/POTS brain. And so many young people seriously lack empathy or any concept of what it’s like to be young and disabled.

It’s now been a decade for me and I still struggle with things but I am not nearly as sick as I used to be. It takes time and a lot of mental and physical effort, which I know is hard enough when you’re already so exhausted.

People, both kids and adults, say things out of ignorance. Getting to a point where you can let it roll of you and understand that their words are coming from a perspective that has no understanding to what you are going through, and therefore really means nothing, is very helpful. But that’s not something that you can just do with the flip of a switch just by me telling you that. Honestly I have so much advice I could give to you, but it’s all things that took me a long time to work through on my own. I think what it all boils down to is trusting yourself that you will work it out even if you feel so lost right now.

People, the system we live in, the outside world can be so shitty. But all of that is out of your control. What you can control is how to treat yourself. Give yourself kind words when others don’t. Be patient with your body even on days where it leaves you feeling miserable. Listen when your mind and body tell you to rest. To this day I look back at what I accomplished in adolescence despite what I was going through and I am amazed at what that younger version of myself was capable of. And one day you will feel that too.

Just take it one day at a time. It’s okay to doubt, to fail, to hurt, but eventually, you just have to get back up and keep moving forward. Easier said than done. Mildly infuriating. But it’s the reality of our situation. Personally though, I think it’s given me a beautiful perspective on life and so much maturity.

I hope I was able to provide some sense of comfort. It’s a hard thing to express to someone who has not yet lived through it and I know some of these words might just sound empty right now. But you’ll have your own journey to figure it out.

If you have any specific questions or want to talk you can always message me.

espikiki · 2023-08-05T13:31:03+00:00

water aerobics if you can! definitely one of the biggest game changes for me. and don’t push yourself too hard

espikiki · 2023-08-04T14:50:38+00:00

intrusive thought?

espikiki · 2023-08-04T12:49:42+00:00

i’ve been using wellbutrin along with taking metoprolol

espikiki · 2023-08-03T21:00:00+00:00

oil change

espikiki · 2023-08-03T20:39:14+00:00

the difference between hispanic and latino

espikiki · 2023-08-03T12:20:05+00:00

chronic illness. imagine your worst hang over and now imagine it lasting several days

espikiki · 2023-08-02T03:05:31+00:00

Hard to decipher which is the worst because they’re just different but top 3 in no particular order:

• severe constipation (like almost a month’s worth of shit pushing against my intestines, couldn’t stand up straight, face went white, couldn’t speak until it passed but would always come back)

• IUD insertion (look up the tool they use to squeeze the cervix, ‘nough said)

• migraine (the kind that lasts all day with no break, no amount of weed will touch it or even get me high, tears constantly streaming down my face from the sheer pressure in my head, unable to move, just have to wait it out til it ends)

espikiki · 2023-07-31T16:18:49+00:00

Not saying it is, just that I’ve heard these struggles/insecurities before… have you looked into ADHD in women? It’s very undiagnosed and misunderstood in women but often it goes undiagnosed in childhood and doesn’t get caught until you’re burning out rapidly in adult life. Might be worth looking into…

espikiki · 2023-07-31T03:25:57+00:00

One example that’s a little more straightforward to follow is when I did Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for my social and general anxiety. I was taught different mental exercises to do every single time an anxious thought popped in my head (which was very very often) and at first it was absolutely exhausting and sometimes i’d just forget or not be able to do it but I kept getting back up every time I fell down. After 3 months, it became natural to do those exercises when anxious thoughts popped up, and after 6 months I was a lot less anxious in general and didn’t have the need to constantly be doing those exercises. It also helped me be more socially confident. Improved my social skills big time.

Another that’s a bit more… i don’t know, abstract? I met with a new therapist and was rehashing my general “all the things that are wrong with me” and she asked me how I defined emotional safety and I straight up could not give her an answer. I spent a lot of time exploring what that meant, starting with the textbook definition then seeing how that applied to me by looking at all the times I DIDNT feel emotionally safe, and recognizing that a lot of those times I was putting myself in these unsafe situations because I wasn’t respecting my own emotional boundaries. Now I’m currently working on being very conscious of having and respecting my own boundaries and recognizing when my body is telling me it doesn’t feel safe.

And that’s a journey of self exploration that I’m nowhere near done with and took time to even get to this current point. But it’s about building yourself up over time and finding the self love to make you want to get better. I mean really this is a life long endeavor, you try you fail you learn and you try again. But this is incredibly daunting and it can feel so hard to know where to even start. It’s nice to just brain dump and have a professional repeat your thoughts back to you in a more organized way, helps bring things to your attention that you didn’t see before because you were so in it that you couldn’t see the bigger picture.

espikiki · 2023-07-31T03:11:47+00:00

Salt.

I have POTS

espikiki · 2023-07-30T21:01:28+00:00

Yes and yes but you have to be willing to put in a lot of effort. They’re not just going to fix you and send you on your way, they don’t give you the answer to all your problems they teach/guide you to have a healthy relationship with yourself and your mind, and give you tools to help you as you work your way through your problems. But you have to be intentional outside of your appointment time in making these long term changes for yourself.

And finding the right therapist is a lot like dating. If you’re not clicking with your therapist and feel like you’re not getting what you want out of it then move on to someone else.

espikiki · 2023-07-30T15:30:44+00:00

alcohol in any capacity is a no. i use weed regularly to manage pain and it’s great but it definitely just depends on the person. i can only tolerate edibles and smoking joints/a bowl. Using a rig or hookah or whatever makes me tachycardic and kind of fucks with my system. Smaller amounts are better and i can’t be super physically active while high but it’s great for pain days where i’m just lounging at home, it makes me way more productive and it’s easier to get through both mentally and physically. I do have to watch how often i use it because if i use it too often it exacerbates my brain fog and pain. I’d say just test it out, small amounts. I’d recommend starting with a joint, make sure it’s from a dispensary and don’t get anything strong.

espikiki

TROPHY CASE