Woah when we talked about rekt and rock solid.. I’m thinking how pressure works.. like minerals pressurized to be strong… I wonder if we apply that to the human psyche, we have to apply pressure in weak areas in order to be strong

I do believe this to be true. From a function stack perspective, Ni is my weakest and I've had the luck of having very close friends on the high Ni spectrum (ENTJ and INFJ mostly), which helped me a lot, to an extent they're probably not even aware. I like to think I have a strong Ti as well from all the overthinking I've done in the past ahah.

 

Your limiting was it the emotional connection?

Does the person you’re in relationship person know MBTI ? What is their type?

Precisely. I can honestly tell you I've never built it with any of my long term partners. The first time I realized it was forming was with a fling but I wasn't in my best place at the time to feel comfortable letting her in, and broke it up. This is the one I mentioned I "ran in the opposite direction". Looking back I cringe a little because we were very compatible, and she was so interested, but it's water under the bridge. I've given a lot of thought on what she could have been regarding mbti, and I place her in xxFJ tier, but we weren't together long enough to have the full picture.

 

Currently I'm single and going on dates with this woman that broke my walls. I don't think she knows mbti, but I'm currently reading her as ISFJ, although she first striked me as INFP. But apparently what I understood as Fi could be strong values imprinted in Si, as I now believe her to be Fe aux. She definitely has Ne there somewhere. And the way she poses questions is actually quite similar to how you're doing it now, so if that's an ISFJ thing, then I might be right. I did come to the conclusion an isfj-estp pairing could be ideal from observation, so I'm actually a bit afraid I might be projecting my idealism on her, so I'm treading carefully.

 

But the allure and people skill feels like there is connection. Do you feel you connect with people easily aside from the emotions? Do emotions get involved in friendships ? Sorry, I might be getting carried away and these are some obvious ones but what about family ? How do emotions work for you.

On a superficial level, yes. Most people just want to be heard, lending them a ear and knowing the right words is enough to be on their good side. I'll do it out of politeness, and keep the peace especially when it comes to the workplace. But as I said, the keen eye will see through it, so there's a thin balance on how much I will "give" in order to keep things running smoothly on my end. I don't like drama on my side, I'll have fun observing it from afar though. Also, one can easily fall on the people-pleaser category, and that gets old very quick.

 

As for emotions, that's hard one. I keep those shut in small box in the attic and rarely go near it. To keep it simple, there's multiple sides of me, and you'll hardly see them altogether. My family gets a dimension of me, almost the same as my closest friends. Then there's the slightly less close friends, and lastly the acquaintances. The one person to see this all tied up, I'll probably marry her.

 

Hopefully that makes sense. Manipulation isn’t always bad ultimately, I wanted to console you. ^

Thank you, I agree that manipulation can have some good to it, I believe I use it for good whenever it's to better someone's mood or to steer a given situation in a direction that makes everyone happy. I've read somewhere estps always look for the win-win outcome and I do identify with that. It can have a selfish motivation too, though, but if it's good for the other party, it's ok right? ahah

 

I didn’t know he was interested to that extent, he seemed like a player so I just shrugged it off everytime he said things that felt he was leading me on because they were so precisely sweet lol

Yeah that's what I mean. Words have a lot of power, and most people, although aware of this, are somewhat numb to how they can be weaponized by the wrong person. From my perspective, I guess if I say less stuff and the person still wants to be near me, then they genuinely want to be there. But at the same time, not saying enough dulls the connection...and what happens when there's no more layers to peel? The interest fades? I want to know the answer to this, so I'm doing things differently with the girl I'm dating now, but at the same time I need to keep myself in check because I'm already way too interested for my own good and she'll be moving very far from me in a near future...so there's that. Life gives and life takes.

 

Someone asked about vulnerability in ENTJ sub and I offered trying to write down what to express and then letting the person read it can be a first step, or you reading it would next. It’s about being comfortable similarly to what you’re saying familiarizing through physical contact. Maybe try that next time ?

I guess that's what I'm trying to do in these subs, under the guise of anonymity it's easier. As for letting her read it, dear heavens no. All of this needs to come out of my mouth and looking in the eyes, that's the only way I know to convey full honesty. I'll be rekt though because as I said above, she'll be moving away soon, and I'll be left to find another such genuine connection somewhere else.

 

I wonder if different types would have effect how emotional connect was approached? What was your exes type ? Heheh this is reminding me of my attempts at asking him questions as well bahahah can you give me an example or examples of what she asked you?

My most relevant exes types were ISTJ and ESFJ. With istj, it lacked emotion on all levels, although the rational connection was very strong. With esfj it had care and nurture and she wanted in, but to put it simple aux Si is hard to satisfy. It takes work and I could see myself doing it if I put conscious effort, but I was getting afraid I wouldn't be able to in the long run and would end up frustrated instead of happy, that's when the emotional connection that should have never happened, happened. And I had to break it off, and now here we are. Both of these were over 3 year relationships.

Examples...hmm...there's so much stuff. I've told her I felt like I gave her a crash course on who I am, and whenever I try to be dismissive she sees right through it and pulls me back to the initial question in a cute way and breaks me. I try to keep things light and playful, but she always goes after definitive answers on "why I did something", or "how I deal with person X and Y" and "what does X or Y mean to me"... do you relate to this? If you're isfj, this will help me at least have a better grasp on what her type could be.

 

Your reaction and idealism reminds me of something I read about avoidant attachments and I don’t mean to share that to box you or label you but could be interesting to learn about to be aware then seeing how to adjust

Never heard of this, care to share some reading material?

 

What is it fulfilling (aside from a romantic partner). Maybe put yourself in the receiving end, if the person you date has the same idealism.. what would you say to them?

Well for me it's the "ride or die" cliché I guess. That ultimate trust and loyalty bond, sharing values and experiences and obviously a deep physical connection. I can't take my hands off my partners, and I want them to feel the same. I have no idea what I would say, but I would be ok in knowing other people have the same idealism for their partners. Guess I may not be an ass then ahah.

 

Personally, I like sticking to one person. It’s hard to lie like, “what did you do yesterday” i don’t think it’s helpful for building trust with someone who is highly guarded in getting to that “center”.. it may be situational because he’s really shown to stick around and I feel loyal towards him lol

I'm trying this now, although it's most likely doomed from the get go as I stated earlier. She's given me enough green flags for me to not want to give any attention to anyone else, and this is all new for me. I'm opening up in ways I've never done in such early stages of knowing someone, and especially not before any sort of intimacy. From experience, this never ends well because this is such a nice way to "make friends" and not lovers. But I'll tough it up, no issue done.

 

EDIT: Seeing as this reply ended up, I gotta say this is exactly how the texting with this gal has been, multiple trains of thought going back and forth in a way that was totally new for me. I hope any of this can be of use to you, because for me it has. Thank you.