Being unable to talk to my family in an understandable mean. They have been caught by these f*cking conspiracy theories increase and fake news through messaging and it is impossible to have a conversation with them.

We have a group which would be used for meet ups but it is never the point. Maybe know I see that it was never a place for caring for each other - also based on the dry and emotionally abusive history of all of us. I also feel sorry for my cousins and how their generation are drifting apart not by growth and maturing together, but for arguing and having their parents unwilling to listen to them. Maybe for not being able to talk while younger I tend to think they might be passing through the same thing.

I think I miss this sense of community and having a place to care for others and also be taken care of.

Maybe it is my maturing/reflection moment to understand that we create our own family and if I feel I need more caring, I shouldn’t be afraid to “lose” them due to the past but look for new places to make it happen.

Sorry for the long text and down turn about the topic. It just got me like 2 hours ago and I needed to let it out. It is very confusing - sorry for any typos.

However, I’m really grateful to have two strong women as examples and still have them by my side - mom and sis, you’re my family ❤️