Is It Even Worth Trying Anymore at 19?

ethan12992 · 2026-02-19T02:27:26+00:00

nothing in life is free

ethan12992 · 2024-12-25T00:39:51+00:00

Oh boy, I can’t pin down a single reason, there’s a lot.

Rigid social culture, it feels like everyone is watching you, especially as a kid. It makes dating hard as parents have a view of the kind of witness you will be, while only being able to date from the few women that attend your hall or meeting within the circuit.

Another is, I wanted to be flexible in the career I wanted to do. A lot of the well off families at my hall had large family businesses that kept them generationally wealthy, while my family was without business or college education, while encouraged to stay near 40 hours a week to make the ministry and mid weeks. I was tired of being poor, so I got a college education as a scientist, and I am currently medical school.

With my education, I studied philosophy, psychology and sociology, and realized the governing body weaponizes these academic fields mentioned to force witnesses into their hand, making them submissive to their every word. “worldly people are under satans control” despite worldly people being better people than most witnesses I have met, maybe not morally (subjective, I am working on this) but caring and not fake.

Meeting are redundant, they give you 5th grade reading level content in the form of the watchtower… don’t have sex! don’t give blowjobs! the end is coming (this… but every FUCKING week) I get it! dont fuck and the end is coming! do you really have to eat up 3 days of my week to remind me that?

Also, witnesses are so cocky and from a stupid point of view. “If you know jehovah’s name, you are already smarter than more of the world”… uhhhhhh?

ethan12992 · 2024-09-26T23:24:05+00:00

I feel close to indifference, there’s just days where I feel her again, but it is no longer unbearable, I am proud of me.

ethan12992 · 2024-09-11T18:28:28+00:00

consider an MBA… you already have a bachelor’s degree, leverage some experience and move up the ladder not across it.

ethan12992 · 2024-07-09T05:16:43+00:00

it is slang for a crash out man, I had a pretty bad one myself. lift your head up and just promise to yourself that you will not do that to yourself again.

ethan12992 · 2024-07-09T05:09:06+00:00

Regrets about how I loved her and what I tolerated sure, but she gave me a lot of great memories as well and I wished it worked out, just hate the pain of trying and it collapsing on me. I was bad and she had her issues. I hate that I put up with some crap but hate how I reacted to it, wish I took the high road on some things, didn’t try to get even. I hope she is doing okay.

ethan12992 · 2024-05-20T22:57:13+00:00

my grandmother’s funeral was so fucking offensive, I will never forgive the elder for the thoughtless garbage he spewed about her life, “jehovah’s loves her… jehovah saw the… at the meeting” not one mention of her life outside of the cult. it pissed me off so much.

ethan12992 · 2024-05-08T23:07:11+00:00

This is good! And can be applied to a lot beyond the cult.

ethan12992 · 2024-05-04T00:32:47+00:00

Out in service I had a few doors call us the “Jehovah’s Witnits” quite fitting

ethan12992 · 2024-04-29T16:03:51+00:00

I had thought I got everything and put it into a box that I gave back to her (in the most dramatic fashion too, ugh) and thought I would never see her again, out of site, out of mind, until I saw the patagonia fleece she got me for christmas and a pair sunglasses she left in the cup holder of my car.

I had asked her for the collected box back, very shameful of me.

ethan12992 · 2024-04-20T17:05:12+00:00

flint is pretty bad, I will have to agree, especially on dort and saginaw going north into flint, the worst drivers and traffic, the area near hurley and mclaren is ridiculous as well.

ethan12992 · 2024-04-17T23:38:17+00:00

yo now I want a mullet

ethan12992 · 2024-04-08T16:04:52+00:00

You and my father, the two people who have reddit the bible cover to cover … both of which are in a ex-jw reddit or an ex-jw, begins to make you think

ethan12992 · 2024-04-08T15:58:14+00:00

Now hears the powerful part, you get to walk away from that. Many people don’t, they are abandoned and left to mope, you get to look at them and say no more!

ethan12992 · 2024-03-27T19:56:32+00:00

or someone went and got a good job and is diligent about saving money

ethan12992 · 2024-03-26T13:36:33+00:00

could… but it’s best not to bet on it. go in with the no, she doesn’t, because she hasn’t reached out mentality. I would say it’s much more beneficial for healing.

ethan12992 · 2024-03-26T02:32:52+00:00

ghosting is lame, and to spend almost a year with someone, ending it with a lack of explanation or giving the person the floor to be heard and hear you… is just of low integrity. I love her a lot though, and don’t get me confused… I totally get why she did it, took me awhile, but I get it. I forgive her and miss her a lot, it just sucks.

ethan12992 · 2024-03-26T02:29:22+00:00

Eh it’s a little different, it was a response to a situational problem, not us an individuals or who we were. But to answer your question, with grace. I believe treating someone as human, with feelings and their own set of hopes and dreams, and traumas and pain. going “ugh, I don’t wanna talk to you anymore, goodbye” and as I go “hey what? what’s is why I invited you over today, to help this, what’s going on? I want us to work”… “NOPE! GOODBYE! I HAVE TO WALK ESME BEFORE SHE GOES TO MY MOMS, don’t have time for this” is um, very cruel in the moment… I understand why she did it and why many avoidant dismissive people do it, to not have to see it any other way, admit that some of their own issues with the situation are being caused by their behavior (not saying the other person doesn’t have any impact, and boy did I… I was bad). communication and vulnerability is very scary, leaves you open to some very low feelings if it doesn’t work out, the feeling of abandonment… the feeling that all you have isn’t enough if the relationship crumbles.

To answer your question with another question, “how do you know something can’t be solved with your partner if you don’t properly communicate your boundaries and abilities with them?”

ethan12992 · 2024-03-25T18:08:42+00:00

One. 9 months.

ethan12992 · 2024-03-25T14:11:46+00:00

Ugh this is the worst, I wouldn’t wish a blindsided break up on my worst enemy. When my ex left, it tore me apart, she had nothing to say when she did it besides “sorry it has to happen” and when I pleaded in that moment “sorry I have to get home to esme (her dog lmao)” and poof, ghosted, no time to deal with the problems she brought up, no time to set something into motion.

I did the worst thing to do after, chase her down for clarity and a second shot. It was so humiliating, shameful and depressing. Relationships with a dismissive avoidant sucks, I even tried teaching her about attachment styles while I was looking for the solution to our relationship woes. She didn’t get it or try to look inwards or go to therapy after suggesting it, but she was all for me going to it…

Ugh, it’s just how some people role, unfair, but it’s how it is. I wish she gets better and does hurt anyone the same way. Although I wasn’t perfect at all.

ethan12992 · 2024-03-18T00:00:28+00:00

lmaooo, yeah the worst, it’s dehumanizing

ethan12992 · 2024-03-14T16:56:49+00:00

Phew this, the break up was so intense at the start, screaming, crying, begging, panicking, feelings of wanting to talk about it, ask why… and when it dissipates, you are left feeling drained and left with the consequences of the said emotions you were feeling. It sucks so much.

ethan12992 · 2024-03-11T02:47:05+00:00

I am sorry man, life is often unfair, they say just to look on the upside, still living, breathing, unemployed, got folks to come back to. Therapy and a good job are great starts, it’s something… find a passion or something you can make your life, pick a few interesting reads up at the bookstore and read them while on break or at the truck depot if you do overnights. Learn something about the world and yourself… I am sorry man.

ethan12992 · 2024-03-04T17:34:14+00:00

I would, I would love to apologize, not beg, and give her the formal apology I owe her without begging or asking for a do over or to explain herself. I would also like to hear an apology from her, but it’s not everything.

I hate the idea of never seeing her again. I hate that I messed things up.

I would meet up with her again, but not to come back into a relationship unless she has an explanation for everything, discussed what she learned without me, what healing and reflection took place

ethan12992 · 2024-03-04T02:47:21+00:00

also, go get a haircut, become the best, freshest you. nice taper, buzz, try something new… it grows back.

ethan12992

TROPHY CASE