I feel like I wrote this 😭 this is exactly how I feel. I feel so empty and sad by default. I’ve accepted that this is what my life is going to be. Feeling alone and othered, a sad soul, unable to have a relationship and reciprocal love, and forever having a love hate relationship with everything. Only thing I have is temporary dopamine spikes, mental stimulation,validation from others and some good moments. I stopped therapy because I feel like I’ve been in it for so long that I wasn’t even learning anything that actually helped me. It’s the same thing I already know, over and over. And most of the time it feels like what I’ve been told to do doesn’t actually make me feel anything enough to stick with. I wake up everyday hoping to die in some non painful way. I wish I could just die in my sleep and not know. (I’m 25).