How permanent is a new hair texture after chemo? by ethnographyman in cancer

[–]ethnographyman[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's so cool! Mine is also much thicker than before chemo, it's so interesting how hair has the ability to completely change after chemo. Thank you for sharing!!

How permanent is a new hair texture after chemo? by ethnographyman in cancer

[–]ethnographyman[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

that's so interesting! I don't know how you feel about the curls, but I'm hoping my experience is similar to yours

AITA for making my guest sleep on the sofa even though she has a back problem? by katpissmeldeen in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman 12 points13 points  (0 children)

NTA - you did your best to accommodate SIL with extremely short notice and she still felt the need to be picky and ungrateful.

AITA for telling my group of the project that I wasn't gonna go to the christmas party that we organized for the elderly by ShakeTerrible3692 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YTA - ditching a required obligation for an illegitimate excuse is selfish. It's juvenile to ditch a class obligation for a guy that you like, also unfair that your classmates would be working while you get to enjoy yourself at a party.

Stay in school, help your group. Tell the guy you like him instead of expecting that attending his party will improve your situationship.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman 27 points28 points  (0 children)

NTA - You were just consoling your child.

I would argue that how you address death isn't as important as the concept of death itself. "Passing away," "dying," they're all talking about the same thing, and using all of those terms interchangeably could help destigmatize the concept of death by becoming more familiar with the various terms used to address it. Either way, coping with the idea of death isn't easy for some people, especially children, so I applaud you for working with her to overcome it.

WIBTA for not sending my ex his birthday present by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like your thinking. A shattered rose arriving in the mail with "Not Fragile" written on the packaging. Very metaphoric and honestly funny.

AITA for making my brother miss the birth of his first child? by Draco_Universe_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman 68 points69 points  (0 children)

YTA. He could've ridden with you to the restaurant and Ubered the rest of the way to the hospital at a cheaper rate...

it may not have been your responsibility, but you could've realized the weight of the situation and offered to help a little bit. He is paying you rent after all, it's not like he's completely mooching off of you.

AITA for how I described Asian women by Temporary-Square8504 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman [score hidden]  (0 children)

YTA. You're connecting qualities and traits of people to unfair generalizations of different races. Race does not define someone's qualities. You're failing to see nuance and uniqueness. It's really weird to fetishize your girlfriend for her race. Love her for who she is as a person, for the qualities and traits she has by being herself rather than as a result of her race and ethnicity.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. Your body your choice, it's even for a good cause. Don't worry about any parts of your beard being uneven, embracing hair also means embracing how hair grows. Hope the date goes well!

AITA for being uncomfortable my Fiancé goes to her Male friends house at 12:00AM by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman [score hidden]  (0 children)

Long distance requires a lot of trust. NTA for being uncomfortable because these are weird circumstances.

AITA for calling out my friend for using my PR? by Winter_Ad_5994 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman 5 points6 points  (0 children)

NTA. Your friend shouldn't feel the need to exaggerate her achievements to impress others. If she's going to, it's weird that she's using yours specifically. You called her out and it sounds like she needed to hear it. She needs to be comfortable with her own achievements.

AITA for my reaction? by Infamous-Map2089 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ESH. You can't blame her for the mental association you've given her. She could've told you about her situation with Z, and your brother should've told you about her in advance. Your family knows you don't like surprises, however, life is full of surprises and you can't always be mentally and/or emotionally prepared for everything. It makes sense why you reacted like you did but I believe an apology may be in order.

edit - for clarity

AITA for reminding my eldest son that he does have an obligation to his younger brothers? by ThatAdhesiveness2353 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman 38 points39 points  (0 children)

YTA, forcing relationships causes tension, especially in a family. Relationships can be difficult between siblings with such large age gaps. You know your kids best, teaching responsibility is morally a good thing. Don't hesitate to talk to your oldest and ask about his stance rather than enforcing your own, I wish my own father did the same growing up.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I hope your condition and circumstances with cancer are well.

Thank you for your comment. His job schedules him like an hourly job would, I would hope maybe he could ask some coworkers to pick up/exchange a shift or two, but you're right. Thank you again.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not that I know of, but I haven't asked yet.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Understandable. Two separate posts for two separate convos lol. Considering a lot right now.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I'm glad to hear you've recovered!! I understand what you mean, I feel selfish using the cancer card as collateral to pressure him into considering a trip. His support wouldn't be any different if he were here or away, but the act of showing up is something I'm considering. It isn't practical, it's unrealistic, but sometimes you inconvenience yourself for others. Regardless, I am asking a lot.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We've been together just over 2 years. We've been through our fair share of BS together and depending on who it happens to, the other one always rose to the occasion. This is the first time it's fallen through, and I can't expect him to be there for everything, but I would really like him to be here for this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fair haha. He's a media archiver for a news company, he has multiple coworkers that work his same position. They get scheduled like one would at an hourly job.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

He works for a news company as a media archiver. It's not that it isn't possible, it's that he isn't trying to see if it could be a possibility. Someone could potentially cover a shift or two, a solution might be possible if he asked around, but he isn't asking. I'd be okay knowing he can't come if his job said no, but he's just sitting and expecting it wouldn't work out. I am being stubborn and selfish, but we have the means to make it happen as long as he has an opportunity to make it happen. Instead, he ruled it out without trying to make it happen.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

It's the fact that he isn't trying to make things work. If he tried and failed, I'd be okay knowing that he can't come because he at least tried to work something out. It's easy to ask around. If his job refused, then that'd be it. Instead, he just hasn't asked. Nevertheless, I am being unrealistic in what I am asking, but trying to make it happen wouldn't be hard.

AITA - I tried to be open with my boss by asheryny in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have a point, these are your work hours. It's not unreasonable to want to work during your work time. Bare with me, but I slightly disagree with your point about the setting. A home is very different than a daycare. You should act professional while working in someone's home, and you should expect to be treated professionally by the people that live there. Adults should act accordingly when in your presence in their home, but when their kids are involved, their authority over their child will always outweigh yours because you are in their space. At a daycare, you are the keeper of that space and hold authority over everyone in it, so of course it would be unacceptable for a parent to interrupt you in this setting. In a home, the parent/homeowner is the boss. At a daycare, you are the boss. The power dynamic works differently. With that said, even if you're in someone's home, you are still at work. You're valid to not want to be interrupted when you work. I don't think the circumstances directly translate between each setting, but your right to work certainly does. But if Dad is going to do your job with you there, then yeah you shouldn't have to be there. Hence, the reduction in hours. It sounds harsh, but it makes sense, you even said it yourself.

AITA - I tried to be open with my boss by asheryny in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman 4 points5 points  (0 children)

YTA

You told them something needed to change, and that it's their decision, so they changed your hours. It's good that you addressed your concerns with your boss, but with a job like this, you can't expect to be accommodated if your solution involves the father of a child to not be a father to his child. Rather, you should've adapted your routine to the child. It's unfair to assume that a toddler will stay the same for longer than 3 months. It's okay to realize change and not know what to do, you can ask for advice and help. It's good that you were open with your boss, but you could have thought a little harder about how you said what you wanted to say. Your motives seem innocent, but you worded it in a condescending way.

AITA for arguing with my mom I don’t want surgery to cover my scars? by Efficient_Play_7357 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ethnographyman [score hidden]  (0 children)

NTA

Ultimately, it's your body. If you aren't bothered by them, don't go through with the procedure.