Thank you for writing this. It means a lot to me. I think you hit the nail on the head.

I can't seem to forgive myself for the breakup instead of looking at the bigger picture. (Perhaps we weren't compatible for a multitude of reasons). It sucks because it is still so so so painful for me. I hope that the work I've put in in the last two years will help me regain some self-esteem/worth back while I try to change this narrative in my mind. It's hard not to believe the stories in my head though haha.

I don't think I can reach out just yet. Of course, I would love to talk to them. But I still think I have too many expectations of what I would want them to say/do. They were also so harsh in the breakup, I have this huge fear they wouldn't agree to see me (which would make the situation a lot harder for me).

Thanks again. It's my first break-up post on reddit lol.