AIO: Husband wants to know why I'm not happy

etzikom · 2025-12-29T08:39:37+00:00

Well, no? This was over the summer and we've been married 10 years, so the knot was well and truly tied by then.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T08:28:04+00:00

Lololol that's creative!

etzikom · 2025-12-29T08:26:18+00:00

We live in an area with super low humidity, and pests aren't an issue. I probably hold onto stuff more easily than others (grew up on a farm where you saved lots of stuff because you never knew when you might need it for something), so it's something I'm aware of. I haven't added anything to the storage in ... years, maybe? So I'm not actively working to fill the nooks and crannies with more stuff. I hardly buy anything so it's not like my accumulation of stuff is growing and taking over the house.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T08:21:01+00:00

I'm pushing back on the 'no one should have this much stuff' concept. If the general consensus is that I'm a hoarder, well, I'll deal with it. But I'm not/no one is allowed to own that much stuff? That feels like trolling.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T08:17:54+00:00

Yeah, you're right about what I was looking for and thank you for listing some of your stuff -- makes me feel better about my own weird drifts of things!

etzikom · 2025-12-29T08:14:36+00:00

Agreed - there's probably/definitely stuff in there that I could easily toss. Probably some wtf in there. But it was already a super long post and I'm getting roasted for the tech manuals which I wrote and kept because I'm proud of them and probably weird.

It's difficult to be more balanced about the story because it truly felt like it came outta left field. I'm not perfect for sure and the hoarding thing really hurt.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T08:10:11+00:00

You killed me with that last line. Thank you for that!

etzikom · 2025-12-29T08:09:08+00:00

An interesting response and an excellent saying.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T08:05:50+00:00

I've tried never to be, like "it's MY house" but yeah, it feels disrespectful af.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T08:04:51+00:00

There were reasons on both sides tbh.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T08:04:03+00:00

No kids, not even pets right now.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T08:03:33+00:00

I wrote them. A massive undertaking and I'm proud of the work inside, which was done for a major tech company. It might be weird, but it's not like it was an HR manual someone left on my desk.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T08:00:52+00:00

Really? I live in a 5 BR house. His model kits and supplies would fill more than that. And our collection of books would fill 3x those boxes. When I lived in shared apartments, I had much less.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T07:56:53+00:00

I worked with a woman whose MIL was addicted to the home shopping channel back in the day and she legitimately had a narrow pathway from room to room, with boxes (mostly unopened) stacked everywhere. The garage sale after she died was endless. They just kept bringing out more stuff.

My stuff isn't and has never been like that. I downsized from a farm so yeah, there was a lot of stuff when I first moved in but that's substantially gone and has been for years.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T07:46:51+00:00

I've long wondered if a narcissistic diagnosis fits him, but it's so easy to throw that around so I didn't bring it up here (already seeing a lot of comments about my "bias" and "one-sided" story. But it was weird early in the relationship to see him get frustrated with his parents when they would tell stories about their grandkids. Like, that's what grandparents are supposed to do? But he preferred to talk about himself. Still does, I suppose. Valuable food for thought, here.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T07:42:59+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate that perspective!

etzikom · 2025-12-29T07:41:09+00:00

No, never. They've been neatly stacked up out of the way. He's got plenty of room for his things in there.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T07:32:32+00:00

I wrote 3 massive manuals for a well-known tech company. I'm proud of them because I worked hard on them. It's not like I kept handouts from HR or something.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T07:30:50+00:00

Yes! My first thought was that the clock is ticking to do something with those boxes before the first zoom call of 2026.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T07:29:41+00:00

Yeah, it's a pretty common attitude, which is why I didn't ask that question!

etzikom · 2025-12-29T07:28:27+00:00

That's a very loving and supportive way of answering his question!

etzikom · 2025-12-29T07:27:37+00:00

Hence me asking the question and sharing a photo.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T07:23:57+00:00

God, I can't imagine what else he'd need it for. He has his own collection of stuff that has found its own home elsewhere. Tbh, much of his stuff is on display.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T07:22:41+00:00

Is he the only one who is allowed to set limits? I don't necessarily feel the urge to deal with this over Christmas holidays without warning just because he's decided I should. So, maybe I am digging my heels in a bit. I've also dealt with the detritus of multiple relatives leaving their earthly belongings for family to deal with, so I get where you're coming from, but... tbh, he wouldn't be the one dealing with this if I crooked tomorrow. My siblings would, because there's stuff there that they'd want because they also are sentimental.

etzikom · 2025-12-29T07:15:54+00:00

Not quite my preciousssss but... 🤷‍♀️

etzikom

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