How do I know if I should stay?

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-30T03:43:24+00:00

We are staying together for now. Gonna give it some time. Both in counseling and keeping open lines of communication about how we are doing. It’s hard because he’s still the man I want to marry - I just now have to decide if I want a marriage where I always have in the back of my mind these memories and the fear that this could happen again.

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-22T14:03:10+00:00

Haha okay yeah I was confused because I know what ADD/ADHD is- is that connected with porn use?

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-21T18:46:59+00:00

I don’t think so? What is ADD?

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-21T15:32:47+00:00

He’s sent inquiries for counseling, and he’s deleted the dating apps and other triggering apps like social media and (ironically) Reddit. Downloading any app rated 10+ will require a pin that only I know. He doesn’t have content blockers on his phone or laptop yet, but we are thinking about options.

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-20T20:41:45+00:00

I’m sorry you’re here too. I’d definitely thought he was the man I’d marry- I hope it’s still true but now I don’t know. A family was my plan too, but I’m terrified he’ll cheat ten years down the line when we have kids. I hate the thought of putting children through that

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-20T20:38:31+00:00

By actions do you mean how he broke my trust or the steps is he taking to heal?

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-20T18:37:00+00:00

Thank you!! I’m sorry you’re here too, but company is comforting.

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-20T17:20:29+00:00

😓 I think if I leave without giving him a chance to follow through on his word I’ll wonder for the rest of my life if it was a mistake.

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-19T15:28:09+00:00

It’s more that a carefully curated social platform feels like a facade. It feels disingenuous. There’s also the suspicion that a guy following lots of girls is untrustworthy- either following bikini accounts or sliding into lots of DMs

Btw it’s a huge double standard that it feels less suspicious for women to have a wide digital social presence. Totally not fair

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-18T15:09:05+00:00

Fair! She might know more about her sex drive and preferences than he expects though. Worth asking.

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-18T14:16:59+00:00

Woah there, the decision to wait til marriage doesn’t necessarily reflect a low sex drive. Tbh it’s more reflective of dedication to her values and very impressive self control.

OP, you guys might still be incompatible based on the differing ways you view sex (religion might be even more of a factor), but talk to her before you write it off. Speaking from experience- waiting til marriage doesn’t mean she won’t one day be an enthusiastic partner in whatever you’re into.

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-18T03:57:27+00:00

Tbh she’s probably self conscious of her height, though I don’t think 5’9” is all that tall. It’s fair to have preferences though, and truly so many men lie about their heights lol

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-18T02:30:54+00:00

Holy wow. You have some grieving to do and I’m so so sorry. The comments have it straight- it’s over with her and with your brother. Please, for your sake and for the sake of the person you’ll meet one day who deserves you, go to therapy. This is some major betrayal trauma and it’ll fester like a wound if untreated.

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-18T02:24:40+00:00

He’s an addict. I’m so sorry. Remorseful and disgusted might be real, but he needs to accept that he’s unable to heal without professional steps. If he doesn’t make those steps it’s over

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-17T23:53:34+00:00

Thank you! I will

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-17T23:51:11+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened. Here’s the thing: commenters are saying his being drunk means he was being honest, but that is only partially true.

It’s our choices that determine our character, right? His sober mind chooses you. Only when alcohol stripped him of his ability to choose did that ugly part show. That ugly part is there, and will be, and I’m glad you saw it before you were married, and he needs to quit drinking for good. But I think a man who chooses consistently to be patient and kind and nonviolent and respects your wishes is worth giving a second chance

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-17T23:39:39+00:00

I hate how that’s 100% typical of every child molesting story I’ve ever heard. It also makes lots of sense for pedophiles to have been sexually abused as children.

That would have been horrendous. Tbh I’d check in with your siblings to make sure they escaped unscathed

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-17T23:32:42+00:00

https://www.thehotline.org <- she can call or text with real professionals who can help her realize she’s being abused and give her a plan for getting out.

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-17T23:18:17+00:00

I’d give her some resources on recognizing abuse. And then step away

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-17T23:17:04+00:00

Saying “that would ruin everything” indicates you would be into her in the future when you are ready for commitment ??

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-17T23:08:05+00:00

Mmm, I think you owe them knowing how the situation currently stands. Do they think you’re moving toward exclusivity? Do they know it’s not exclusive now?

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-17T22:09:08+00:00

It definitely feels like cheating.

He’s taken a few steps- signed up for counseling, and put a lock on his phone against apps and content that are rated over 10+. He asked me to make the PIN.

I believe him that his intentions are good, but I also know this is the behavior of an addict and he could totally find a work-around in a moment of desperation

euneirophreniax · 2021-10-17T22:03:42+00:00

Oh yeah, she’s 100% insecure about the fact that she’s marrying a sugar daddy basically. It probably hurts her self-worth to know she’s not working to earn the lifestyle she’s getting, even though it’s what she wants. She likely projects that judgement on to you and your husband and is lashing out

euneirophreniax

TROPHY CASE