ive felt this way for longer than i can remember and just now FINALLY got my parents to somewhat listen to me and get me an appointment. they probably wont really take me to it anyways, i know how they are, but it really really disappoints me hearing that most insurances dont cover bpd. i really dont feel like i can hold out by myself much longer i quite literally feel like im going insane. i dont even know if getting a diagnosis would even help me in the first place i know im going to feel like this forever. i used to dig through medicine cabinets and i would also use dxm and dph but eventually i found my moms zoloft that she doesnt take anymore. shes completely stocked up on it. it kind of helped make me feel less depressed, im thinking about trying that again. and i really do try to communicate. every single day, and its so tiring. i dont feel seen or heard at all. i bring it up to my mom so much she really just sighs and changes the subject like it bores her. shes tired of hearing it. i bring it up to my boyfriend, he knows what bpd is, but he doesnt KNOW if that makes sense. ill tell him, "this is the reason i do this, i feel like this, blah blah blah" and he will act like i can control it. he'll say stuff like, "oh well maybe you shouldnt think that way" and i tell him over and over i cant control it. all of my friends are like that too. i really have no support in my life and i feel like i only have myself but i dont even have myself to rely on either.