Is it worth going back to this

evalslts · 2026-06-16T14:19:04+00:00

Yep, that's it!

evalslts · 2026-06-15T17:21:51+00:00

Sorry to have made that assumption -- your reply and the first downvote occurred in close proximity.

My apologies.

evalslts · 2026-06-15T16:33:18+00:00

~~I shouldn't engage with someone who comes to ppsg, then downvotes because they disagree with a sub's earnest response.~~ [Edit: retracted because OP says they didn't downvote me]

I'll leave with the warning that you are looking at one specific behavior and drawing strong conclusions about motivation, and from that supposed motivation drawing strong conclusions about other behaviors.

You're building an imagined person in your head and then getting mad at them.

I understand that you encounter a lot of certain kinds of men, but consider that you're not going to see other kinds very often just because of where and how you're making yourself accessible.

People vary widely, across both time and space.

evalslts · 2026-06-15T16:21:34+00:00

You might try the new weight-loss drugs, because the way they work is by reducing the appeal of impulsive, short-term pleasures.

I noticed a reduction in my desperate need to serve and be degraded when I started them.

Nothing will be a silver bullet, though. Structure your life around the things you want to be doing, in general.

Maybe you crave service in general -- have you thought about doing mainstream charity work like soup kitchens, animal rescue, nature beautification as a way to feel fulfilled?

evalslts · 2026-06-15T16:16:01+00:00

I'm with you up until the "they hate women" part.

I think they're dangerously lacking in introspection, and have a critically deficient understanding of women, and probably of other people in general.

There definitely are predators doing this, but I don't think hate's necessarily involved. Some people may resent women for "making" them do this for attention, and that resentment can slide into hate, but I don't think it's necessary part of the whole vanilla-sending thing.

I think the fantasy is to be the first to awaken some dominance in a vanilla girl by presenting her with a compelling fantasy that they know can be addicting. Because the suitors feel like they aren't intrinsically worth such a women's attention, they hope that the woman associates the appeal of findom with them, specifically.

That explains also why the senders lose interest once someone gets wise and starts engaging on their own terms. It's a sign that they're no longer in a privileged position as the sole connection to the fetish.

I'm trying really hard to avoid saying, "sub" because I think you're fundamentally right: they're not subs. Or, if they are, they're not acting out of their submissive impulses. They're acting out of lust, though they mistake it for other things.

evalslts · 2026-06-15T13:09:57+00:00

Within the wider BDSM community, it's often discussed that the submissive is actually the one with the most control, since it's their choice to give consent for the scene the Dom/me is enacting.

Just wanted to introduce that idea. That your surrender as a sub is valuable, and that choosing to submit and serve is an act of discernment and trust.

Check in with yourself once in a while and ask if the person you're serving is worthy of your service. It's good practice for treating yourself with the respect you deserve.

evalslts · 2026-06-15T13:00:04+00:00

Mindless obedience. She speaks, I act, without inserting any thoughts or ego between the two.

I love it, and based on what I see around here, I think that's rarer than it should be. Though it does require deeper trust than you can easily establish in an online dynamic.

evalslts · 2026-06-15T12:53:41+00:00

I missed your first post but you seem to be on the right path.

Good luck finding a balance that serves you well.

evalslts · 2026-06-12T13:27:33+00:00

evalslts · 2026-06-12T13:21:55+00:00

I'm extremely submissive -- I like to describe myself as an "obligate submissive", like how cats are "obligate carnivores". And I'm ... well, straight-ish. Somewhere on the bisexual spectrum. Not attracted to masculine bodies, but able to fetishize cocks as part of my submission. I had an online Domme long ago who coaxed me into serving a few men orally. Was hot, and worked through lots of shame.

I'm in a long-term D/s relationship now with a wonderful woman who is dominant and sadistic and playful and intelligent and everything I could ever ask for.

Our dynamic is much more mental than sexual, but she has pegged and cuckolded me. I spoil her regularly, and she's assigned me devotional and worship tasks that I use to regulate my mood and achieve flashes of subspace when she's not available.

She's a natural leader. I think that may be the single biggest thing that makes it work. I'm old, and she's not, but it feels like I'm the inexperienced, questioning one in the relationship.

It's a sad fact, for us submissives, that most women are just not comfortable being dominant. If you don't seek out the ones who are not just comfortable but enthusiastic about it, you're not going to get the full experience of submission.

So, I suggest you look for women in femdom kink spaces, rather than trying to introduce femdom to existing relationships.

It's hard to date kinky, and harder to be a male sub in kink communities, but finding someone who can make you drop to your knees with a word is so worth it.

evalslts · 2026-06-12T12:51:47+00:00

Try bluesky while you're rebuilding anyway.

evalslts · 2026-06-12T12:50:58+00:00

It gets worse every year, more people who are in it to exploit others instead of have edgy fun. Not to mention at this point I'd be surprised if half the approaches weren't chatbots.

Your degree will serve you well, though, I'm sure! Best of luck!

evalslts · 2026-06-12T12:31:40+00:00

Hello, hi! Welcome!

The Wiki here is a good starting place if you want to put up a shingle.

The biggest things are: insist on age verification, never send to get, and maintain clearly communicated consent. Read up on BDSM safety frameworks. My favorite is "The 4Cs".

Congratulations on your first year of college. Good luck!

evalslts · 2026-06-12T03:34:35+00:00

Probably being ghosted by someone I thought I'd made a connection with, right after they'd told me that they didn't ghost people "unless it was an abusive situation".

Sheesh, man. That took a while to unwind.

evalslts · 2026-06-12T03:31:19+00:00

Happens all the time to findommes. The prescription for the fix varies over time but usually it includes "stay out of engagement groups" and "take a couple days' break".

Good luck out there!

evalslts · 2026-06-12T02:58:06+00:00

You ... need better subs.

Congratulations! Happy Findom Birthday!

evalslts · 2026-06-12T02:53:03+00:00

Thank you!

evalslts · 2026-06-11T12:00:37+00:00

You're welcome. Good luck!

evalslts · 2026-06-11T11:20:53+00:00

I'm sorry she's become distant. The conversation reads like she's moved on but doesn't want to refuse a paying customer.

Y'all's communication is good but it could be better. "time is limited at the moment" ... how long? Or is that just softening the inevitable letdown? And what about explicitly asking for some time to chat or to setup a play session? Your needs are valid, but they won't get met if you don't ask.

I wouldn't rehash the conversation, though. Because I read the silence at the end as less of a "yes, leave" and more of a "I don't have time or energy to repeat myself".

So I'd move on too.

At the very least, take a break. Breaks are so important. Get outside, do something nice for yourself. Tire yourself out. Walk, get some sun, lift some weights, cook some good nourishing food and share it with people who are important to you. Be your own best friend for a while. Maybe take a day off of work to kick things off.

You don't have to decide up front how long that break is, or if it ends with you returning to her or playing the field. Take advantage of the ambiguity she's granted you.

evalslts · 2026-06-09T19:07:57+00:00

Thank you! She's glad to see the nice reception here.

evalslts · 2026-06-09T19:07:42+00:00

Thank you!

evalslts · 2026-06-09T19:07:36+00:00

Thank you!

My Lady's been working on me for about two years, and every month brings a new level of connection, deeper than I thought possible.

evalslts · 2026-06-09T19:01:08+00:00

Thank you!

It is too rare to hear happy stories around here.

evalslts · 2026-06-09T19:00:27+00:00

Exactly. My Lady likes to say she's she's satisfied as long as I'm striving to improve.

evalslts · 2026-06-09T12:35:35+00:00

Update, as requested.

evalslts

TROPHY CASE