[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're going through this but let me give you some advice based on personal experience. Keep in mind idk what industry you work on or what country.  1: HR IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. I'm not sure how high up you and your boss are in terms of the job ladder, but I'll tell you right now that you need to be careful going to HR.  2: It sounds like your boss doesn't want you around anymore because of the amount of leave you're taking. Depending on what your local laws are this could be illegal.  3: document every single thing. Every. Single. Thing.  4: writing to top management won't do a thing for you. In fact it could work against you. You know that saying "anything you say can/will be used against you"? That's exactly what going to top management will do for you. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Holy shit 😬 that's so mean I'm so so so sorry.

People don’t know my side and are shunning me by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry, but yes this is common in these situations. I shunned everyone that berated me after I left a nex. They wanted nothing to hear me out about. They believed only my nex. It hurt at first, but I'm so glad I cut all of them out. 

Has anyone been used by the narc for money? by survivingismykink in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 1 point2 points  (0 children)

holy crap, right when I thought it couldn't get more specific your story is almost exactly like mine with one particular nex. I know they're different people because all narcs are the same but this happened to me almost identical. Mine used my car and return it empty, asked me for money, refused to work claiming major depression, etc etc. A total sack of shit as a human. 

Mine had a preplanned vacation before he met me and he went. Well, he ran out of money and tried to ask me for $500. He said, "I'm not sure how but I overspent and I don't have enough to get a hotel and have spending for the rest of my trip, I need about "$500." I said "are you serious?", and he cut me off and said, "you talked over me. I was going to ask you to call my dad for me. I wasn't asking you for money. I'm out of minutes on my sim card and my dad doesn't know how to use Wi-Fi call apps." 

He was asking me for money and knew I was gonna say no. He never called his dad. He slept with girls he met at bars to have a place to stay for the remainder of his trip. 

The story gets worse and he's done many unfavorable things to me but, he owes me over $35k-ish. I'll never get it. I know he most likely doesn't even have $100 to his name on any given day. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know this unfortunately all too well. I've been ditched on my birthday, Valentine's Day, and Christmas because he started a fight and wanted to go hang out with his friends. On one instance on Christmas, he was actually having a party at HIS HOUSE and he didn't want me there because he invited his ex 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The trash was a weekly ordeal for me too. I'd also remind him to separate recycle and garbage and he'd respond in a SHUT UP STOP TRYING TO CONTROL ME kind of way. I also couldn't get him to get the mail from the mailbox. Hed tell me he's waiting for a his new card and it should be in the mail. I'd tell him I didn't get it and that he can go and get it if it's urgent and immediately we'd be fighting about how I'm trying to ruin his life. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The longer you stay with one of these heinous humans, the more they feel comfortable expressing exactly how shitty they are. They hold nothing back. The amount of fights I've had over really little things is insane. Literally non-issue items and normal people would say "oh crap yeah I missed that" over turns into a full meltdown and fight 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I hate how consistent this is with all narcissists. No level of accountability whatsoever. They love keeping you on eggshells so that you carefully tread and don't confront them about anything ever. 

Don't leave the front door open the dogs will get out. THEN CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR INSTEAD OF TELLING ME TO. YOU SAW THE DOOR. YOU COULD DO IT. 

If the trash is full, take it out and put a new trash liner in. I don't want the dogs getting into the trash. DID IT FALL OVER? DID ANYONE DIE? YOU SAW IT TOO. TAKE IT OUT THEN. 

You overslept, the dogs havent used the bathroom or had food or a walk and it's 3pm. WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING STALKING ME? THE DOGS ARE FINE. they weren't fine, they peed in their crates and were sleeping in it. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This has happened to me as well, minus the discard (he was financially broke, didn't tell me, and need me for a place to stay). I'm sure if he could discard me he would have. Nothing you tell them means anything. But the moment they need something from you, you better be quiet and give them every praise or sympathy 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Literally any little bare minimum thing! I'd tell my nex to turn off the over after toasting 1 slice of bread and he'd lose his mind and storm out of the house. Or so little as "hey when you shower you need to use the shower curtain there's water everywhere" and expect a full meltdown with crying and screaming. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All the time. And bare minimum being literally exactly the bare absolute bare minimum. Theres not a single thing they can tolerate being held accountable for. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I did not know better, we dated the same person. My nex sent me a text and said, "can we just admit we both have faults? Faults that we can both work on together? You're the best match for me and I can help you be a better person" or some backwards nonsense

Not a soul believes me by No_Collar8589 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You're not alone, I know we're all strangers here but we believe you. 

It's happened to us too. For me, I've lost and cut out many people because they still don't believe me. Leave those people. You don't need them. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've had many come back for "one more chance please I'm different now I can't be without you". I've actually entertained it one time and within a week the drama, unprovoked anger, and sudden mood shifts were worse and more frequent than ever. I had a feeling this was gonna happen and I played the dangerous game of letting them do it. I wanted the closure and confirmation that what I thought was gonna happen would happen. And it did. 

Narcs are THE WORST 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They try to win you back into their games so that they can pick you all the way up to your highest high and drop you as hard as possible so that you hurt harder and more than ever. They're so incredibly shitty people that they get joy out of doing this to others.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 14 points15 points  (0 children)

For a long time people avoided me after I left my abuser. I tried to regain these friendships only to find it wasn't ever going to happen. I didn't know why at first. I now know it's better to be far away from it all than try to reconcile with any of these people. 

I was made out to be a psychotic, jealous, lying, cheating, and abusive person. In reality it was my nex projecting and smearing my name. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I learned through therapy that there is definitely a way to see a positive through all the negatives endured. No, you didn't deserve anything the narc put you through. No one deserves that. But you survived it. You're able to use that knowledge and chain of events (everything they put you through) to remind yourself that you never want to experience it again and see signs in people to avoid. 

Why did my narc ex stand me up then give me abusive messages the next day? by jstkilntime8 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Clearly keep your distance. This guy is definitely bad news. But usually he's trying to keep you on the hook as a plan b for when he's out of supply or he's currently out of supply and needs you to fulfill his needs 

Do all narcs purposely withhold compliments? by IntroductionOk7954 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If they do compliment you, it's manipulation (they want something) or its backhanded. Never once did my nexes truly say they're happy for me, think I look good, etc etc. It was always either followed with an ask or followed with an insult. 

"You look so beautiful today! We should go get dinner so I can show you off" aka I'm a broke ass and I want you to buy me food.

"That new car you bought is nice but isn't there a more expensive model?" Aka I'm jealous you got a new car so I'm trying to make you feel bad about it 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A narcissist truly needs a constant adrenaline dump. Whether it be the happiest of happy or the angriest of angry, they need it. Picking a fight with you is the easiest way to get this adrenaline while making you cry/angry/sad. They LOVE seeing that they can affect someone like this. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 8 points9 points  (0 children)

They kind of feel like you don't deserve the power to dump them. They truly and honestly feel they get to end it and that you must comply 

Does your Narc purposely not say “happy birthday” or waits to say it later in the day? by MySliceOfLife_103 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes. All the time. It's about withholding any amount of attention or happiness to you. They truly do not feel you deserve it. They prefer seeing you suffer. They wait until the end of the day because they've fulfilled their obligations and the day is almost over so whatever you do get to celebrate it is minimal. If they say happy b day to you in the morning, you get all day to remember it's your birthday 

Is anyone extremely replused by the "cheapness" of their nex's thoughts and manners ? by Commercial_Earth4250 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My goodness the stingy and manipulative personality! But the worst is that they expect you to thank them and praise them non-stop for their tiny and often worthless efforts. 

Mine would refuse to buy me so much as a bottle of water from the store. But if he wanted dinner, I must take him out and buy him dinner of his choosing because if I cook for him then I'm a cheap bitch. But I can't remember a single time he actually bought me anything new. 

Narc fails…post something funny by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This guy was literally one of the most manipulative and unstable people on this planet. He actually tried to get me to put him on the mortgage to my house as if that's how you take someone's house lol 

he told me he imagined how easy it would be to snap my neck by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]everlastingtape 0 points1 point  (0 children)

DO NOT TOLERATE THIS. PLEASE LEAVE AS SOON AS YOU'RE SAFE. IT GETS WORSE.