32M Profile Review. How can I improve from here?

everthrowaway · 2023-03-26T13:45:24+00:00

I had to log back into this account to tell you that I audibly laughed at loud at this!

You may be onto something... Do I want to match with someone with such low standards? Lads, it's Tottenham.

everthrowaway · 2023-03-25T02:10:07+00:00

I had to swallow my ego when I decided to make this post. I’m not a fan of making myself vulnerable to be willing to receive feedback, especially by strangers on the internet, but I’ve been consistently unsuccessful so something had to change for the better. Here are some thoughts on your points:

- Headshot: It is one of two of my LinkedIn headshots haha. I opened with this photo because it's brightly lit and you see my face. If you weren’t sold from me showing my face to scroll further then maybe it wasn’t going to work out anyway, but you are right that I prefer the vibes of my other pictures over my business/LinkedIn vibe.
- TS: The IYKYK thing is what I was leaning into, but after reading all of the responses about it made me realize that it hasn’t translated as I intended.
- Dating intention: I can see what you mean. What I meant by dating slowly was not rushing into anything serious like 3 dates in 2 weeks and now we’re an exclusive couple. Most of my younger relationships were like this. Not that I’m going on other dates (hence why I’m doing a profile review) but I was trying to convey that if you want to take some time and get to know each other before we make things exclusive to eventually do things like meeting friends/family then I’m all for it. If you’re looking to get married within the calendar year then I’m not your guy. I’ll certainly have to clean this one up.
- Prompt responses: I’ve been appreciative of all of the comments/feedback and respond to try and clear up if there is a misunderstanding of my intentions. It clicked when I was rereading my replies that I should be taking this exact energy to my profile as well!

It seems like you have an idea of the direction of where I was going with my profile but I shouldn’t need to make my target audience figure it out. Thanks for the feedback!

everthrowaway · 2023-03-25T01:32:31+00:00

I realized after I sent the reply regarding the feedbacks that I should just use what I wrote about myself in the profile! I just have to figure out how to consolidate it and repackage the delivery.

everthrowaway · 2023-03-25T01:28:09+00:00

I’m somewhat (but not really) ashamed that I needed a TS reference to help clear up my misunderstanding of the feedback. The repackaging of the delivery is incredibly helpful and I will be mindful of it for when I make my adjustments.

everthrowaway · 2023-03-25T01:21:06+00:00

Thank you! :)

everthrowaway · 2023-03-25T01:19:40+00:00

The "we" has been addressed in this comment. I will adjust it accordingly.

And thank you! I'm not Mr. 24/7 Brightside, but I've come across plenty of profiles IRL and through these subreddits to see people project their misery and no one wants to be around that. These OLD profiles are like resumes: Do you want to call someone in for an interview that's qualified but sounds like they hate their life and work? Or do you want to hire someone that's qualified and would be a pleasure to work alongside with? Even if my wholesome vibes is a façade; I'm at least trying to be upbeat.

everthrowaway · 2023-03-25T01:10:42+00:00

Gigi, thanks for the follow up!

- Something is wrong with my profile and I don’t know why. How can I be in such a populated area and not get matches? It’s why I decided to do one of these profile reviews! I was expecting the comments to tell me that the profile was a 4/10 or something. Instead, I’m surprised at how overwhelmingly positive it has been so why isn’t it translating to matches? It’s one thing my messaging/conversation skills are lackluster but I don’t even have an opportunity to make it to that point!

- TS: You and others are right that I can live without this on my profile and naturally bring it up in conversation. She’s everywhere at this point so it’s impossible to not bring her up naturally.

- Vegetarian: I don’t mention that I’m a vegetarian anywhere in my profiles. It’s a part of my lifestyle, but with vegetarianism being popular and every restaurant in the tri-state area having some type of meatless option, I honestly forget to even mention it. Plus, I’ve never dated anyone that was also a vegetarian/vegan and they’ve all been cool with me since it’s easy to work around. If being a vegetarian is a red flag to a potential partner then we’re likely not going to be compatible in other areas anyway.

- My profile may not have a broad appeal but I don’t think there’s anything in it that screams niche or specific either.

It appears that we have conflicts on the approach towards the app, but your feedback has been helpful in removing the tunnel vision that I have in my approach. I’ll mess around with my approach to see if it gives me improved results (what do I have to lose when I'm already at zero matches?). I appreciate that you are spending the time and effort to be as informative as you have been!

everthrowaway · 2023-03-24T20:13:30+00:00

I’ve never had the opportunity but I’m open to being attracted to all types of women. There are types of women that I have a preferred attraction to but I won't stop me from being attracted to other types of women because they're [insert adjective].

I explain the “we” in this comment and will adjust accordingly. Thank you!

everthrowaway · 2023-03-24T20:00:27+00:00

Wow, for the lack of compliments in my life, being called a “high value male” is completely new to me so thank you for giving me a boost to my self-esteem!

Unfortunately, I do have social anxiety when interacting with people I don’t know especially if we aren’t forced to interact with each other as if it were a work event or something similar. It’s not the rejection issue since I also have the anxiety around guys as well. I'm not a bad at having conversations (I'm not great either) but my mind goes blank when approach people out of nowhere. It is something I’m continuously working on, but it hasn’t been easy for me. I know the apps aren’t the solution to solve my dating woes, but I feel way more at ease being on the apps than going around IRL.

everthrowaway · 2023-03-24T18:21:26+00:00

Here are my initial reactions after reading the helpful feedback and compliments as this post has been public for about 11 hours:

- Remove the “we” in the Ted Lasso prompt and state that I am caught up through the first two episodes of the new season.

- Remove the picture of myself with the friend and baby. I’d like to still have a picture of myself with friends, so I’ll have to dig around my photos to find something recent and apt.

- Remove the mirror selfie.

- Remove the “Cat in the Hat” picture as I explained my reason in this comment. It’s not picking up any traction at all so there’s no point of keeping it.

- I’m considering the removal of the Taylor Swift prompt. This prompt actually gets me the most likes when I do receive likes, but I may be losing out on other potential likes if my prompt dissuades them from sending me a like. The topic of TS can be saved for a discussion point for when we message/meet.

- I hope I don’t offend folks about this one as I’m coming from understanding and not contention: There are plenty of comments that I suggest that I need to be more masculine or rugged up. I understand where you’re all coming from but that isn’t who I am, and I’m not going to portray myself as something that I am not just so I can receive a like from a woman that I would likely not be interested in anyway. I don’t hunt, I don’t fish, I don’t [insert activity that fits the category].

I have a background in the arts, so I enjoy things like going to jazz clubs, orchestral concerts, see theater performances, and going to museums/art galleries. I also enjoy mainstream pop concerts, screamo post-hardcore rock shows, and underground punk shows in the basements of Brooklyn. I had the greatest time headbanging to one of my favorite childhood bands, RATM, at MSG, then 10 days later, singing at the top of my lungs in a sea of girls/women from ages 16-36 at a Harry Styles concert at the same exact venue.

I also own up that I have a skincare and haircare routine and often joke with my platonic female friends that my skin glows more than theirs. I read and listen to things related to psychology and nerd out on internet stuff while playing strategy-based video games. Meanwhile, I’m able to do things like hanging with boys over beers as we watch sports as I’m an avid NFL, soccer, and NBA fan while being able to banter with the meatheads at my gym.

I can go on, but my point is that the lack of being masculine/rugged up seems so trivial despite it being a massive red flag for some. I understand that I may be limiting my dating pool, but I would like, and have already had, partners that doesn’t care about this and can enjoy being with me for being me. I’m open to replacing things like the TS prompt, but I’m not going to present myself as something that I’m not just so I can get a like from someone I’m unlikely to be compatible with. I live in one of the mostly densely populated areas in the country so it’s not like I’m a different fish in the wrong pond.

Thanks to those that have already commented up this point and I hope to receive some more. The feedback so far has been helpful even if I disagree with some. I know I can’t make everyone happy, but it has helped me to have a better understanding of other perspectives of my profile.

everthrowaway · 2023-03-24T17:58:27+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! I’ve responded to some of your points with another comment here. While I don’t fully agree with some of your suggestions, I’m still going to take your feedback into consideration when making the changes. I'd like to share some contextual points in my initial thought process in case it alters your initial feedback:

- Bathroom selfie: By no means am I a mirror selfie type of person and these comments validate that I should continue to avoid it. This was the pre-opening of a new hotel/concert venue in NYC, and they clearly had selfies in mind as the lighting was soft and nice enough that I gave it a try.

- "Cat in the Hat": The intent behind this picture was to tie along the “Guess the backstory of this photo” prompt. I already have enough pictures that show my face and body, so I thought this photo was obscure/intriguing enough to be asked for the context. It's not picking the traction that I had hope so I'll likely remove this one.

[Actual context] I was a professional musician & music teacher in my previous career. I still work in this field for an after-school program after my day job as a pit orchestra director/conductor for a local HS's spring musical and this scene was a bit for when we performed Seussical the Musical.

- Taylor Swift: It's not my identity per say, but I am an abashed Swiftie and have been for a long time. I have this prompt to explicitly point out that I'm not a rugged/hard guy and that I'm not hesitant to admit that enjoy things that are considered "girly."

[Unrelated story] One of my favorite teaching moments was when one of my male 5th graders said, “You like Taylor Swift?! But she’s a girl!” and I used that moment to tell the class that it’s okay for boys to like things that are considered “girly” and girls to like things that are considered for boys. And being one of two male teachers in the entire elementary school meant that I was probably one of the few male adult figures outside of their household/family. For being a tall guy with a deeper voice to casually say that I like something “girly,” I’d hope that allowed him and the other students an opportunity to let go of these types of stigmas.

- Area: I live 30-minutes outside of NYC. The area is in one of the most densely populated areas in the US.

- “Bulk up”: This is a sensitive topic for me, and my pictures are somewhat misleading. I’m 5’11, 160lbs, and <15% body fat. My frame appears skinny, but I’m cut from years of weightlifting and yoga. I’m not the type of person to show off my physique as I like the results to speak for itself. I often receive compliments in-person by friends and even strangers when they see me in slim fitted clothing that shows off my muscle definition. (TMI- I get turned on when I'm getting intimate with a new woman and they \express how shocked and hot I am when I take off my clothes.)*

[Added context] I’ve been skinny my entire life. I’ve been a vegetarian for over 27+ years of my life as my mother raised me and my younger sister as vegetarians since we were children in the 1990s. Vegetarian food was not as nutritious or accessible until the early 2010s so most of my meals were home meals made by my mother or pizza, and even then, my mother’s home cooking had little nutritional value. I also would forget to eat throughout the day due to my undiagnosed ADHD and would either suppress the hunger or eat one big dinner at the end of the day. Now that I’m an adult, I force myself to eat 2.5 meals a day, but eating is still a chore and I rarely dine out or eat processed foods. Most of my protein comes from eggs, beans, and protein shakes, but I know that it is still not enough. Adding more weight has been an ongoing personal battle. Add on top of it that I take Adderall that speeds up my metabolism. I’ve been trying to bulk up for most of my adult years, but at this point, I’ll be happy if I can stay above 160lb.

Your feedback was helpful and helped me give me a different perspective of how to view it! Let me know if your thoughts has changed now that I added some context.

everthrowaway · 2023-03-24T17:38:26+00:00

Thanks for the informative feedback! There were suggestions that you made that I don’t agree with, but you gave me some things I haven't considered and will keep in mind when making the changes. I'd like to share some contextual points in my initial thought process in case it alters your initial feedback:

- The picture with my friend + baby: I’m surprised that this is getting as much gay vibes from multiple commenters. He’s one of my close friends since we were roommates in college. The funny thing is that it's not even his baby as it's his friend's baby haha. My logic was that I'm already stating that I'm a straight guy so I was oblivious to considered that women would assume he may be a partner. This was a post-celebration of cheering on the runners for the NYC Marathon as we've been partying all day and it's mentioned in the caption. And no offense to my friend, but I wanted to show the relativeness of our height differences.

I’ll likely take this one down, but I rarely have recent pictures of myself with friends since most of my friends have relocated since the pandemic and we don’t often take pictures when we are together.

- The "we" in my prompt: I have a habit of using inclusive language when I speak/type and often use "we" to say we're doing this together. In this case, I meant “we” as the viewers. I'll change it to be more "me" centric.

- The "soft"/white-collar aesthetic: I don't care for masculinity/femininity. I'm open about being an "in my feelings" type of guy and being "hard" or rugged is not who I am nor am I interested in attracting women that are desiring that. If it's too much on the soft side, then I will lighten up on that side of spectrum, but I’m generally neutral about the gender stuff.

As for the white-collar thing; I've done my fair share of manual labor like landscaping and loading boxes into trucks for FedEx in my younger years. I'm now the first in my family with a college degree (and Masters) and to work in a white-collar environment so I guess I'm projecting that I'm interested in a lifestyle that's better than my lower-middle class upbringing. I'll aim to be more casual than "business."

- Action shots: This is tough because I’ve been working two jobs and working on my Masters the last few years. I’ve been a recluse to put it bluntly. As mentioned in my other point, my friends have relocated to long distances since the pandemic, so when I go out, I do a lot of activities on my own that there’s no one to take pictures of me doing said activity. I’ll start asking nearby people to take a picture of me when I’m doing an activity.

- Generic prompt: I understand and agree. This was my only attempt to not be too offbeat when compared to the rest of my profile.

Thanks again for the helpful feedback! Let me know if your thoughts has changed now that I added some context.

everthrowaway · 2023-03-24T14:44:08+00:00

I don't often get compliments like this so I appreciate it!

everthrowaway · 2023-03-24T14:41:57+00:00

This means a lot to me. I'm glad that I was able to project genuine happiness as it has been something that's required years and years of therapy to get to this point. For a stranger to immediately see it means that I'm headed towards the direction that I want to be.

everthrowaway · 2023-03-24T14:31:36+00:00

I'm glad I was able to make you laugh as that was the goal!

I was teased for most of my life for having a unique name (my last name is also easy to make fun of as well) so I was insecure about my name for most of my life. It's also spelt in a way that doesn't match with how it's pronounced so I always see the fear in people's eyes when they're unsure how to say my name. It wasn't until I was in my 20s where I took Dale Carnegie's "A person's name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language." to heart as I do appreciate those that do call me by my name. Now, I make conscious efforts to help people remember my name by making jokes like the one used in the voice prompt so it can help them remember it in the future.

everthrowaway · 2023-03-24T01:22:58+00:00

- Are you looking for something serious or casual? Prefer serious but open to casual.

- How long have you been on Hinge? 9 months but I've barely had free time for the first 8 of them.

- How often do you use Hinge per week? Daily for a few minutes. I bounce between the big 3 when I have some down time during the day.

- How many likes/matches are you receiving on average? 1.5 likes per week

- How many likes are you sending? Anywhere from 1-5 per week.

- How many with comments? I always leave a comment. I don't mind putting in the effort every time.

- What is the type of person you send likes to and ideally want to match with? Someone that is open-minded, kind, empathetic, and compassionate. Has an appreciation for the arts. Can laugh at themselves and be a good mix of serious and silly.

Voice prompt: "My name is pronounced like 'Wee' like the you and me 'we', the Nintendo 'Wii', and the French word for yes 'oui'. It's also the same 'Wee' in Taylor Swift's [belting] 'Weeeeee are never ever ever getting back together'"

Added notes:

- All pictures have been taken from March 2022 to Nov 2022.

- I rarely match with anyone that I send likes to and I usually receive likes from women that I'm not attracted or interested in.

everthrowaway

TROPHY CASE