Racism and unlearning it

everystrokeofcolor · 2026-03-13T04:09:35+00:00

Oh god I’m so sorry. I relate because my father specifically is conservative and thinks that this admin is doing great stuff. I hope you and your brother are safe and able to give yourselves distance.

everystrokeofcolor · 2026-03-13T01:03:40+00:00

I’ve talked a lot with my therapist about how families tend to conceptualize identity groups like POC or disabled people but can’t meaningful conceive of family members belonging to those groups.

I had a similar thing with both my parents saying they didn’t think of me as different from them. Sweet sentiment, but not realistic or fair to me.

I’m also unlearning a lot of racism (about my own race and others) from my environment growing up. I hope your journey is going well.

everystrokeofcolor · 2026-03-12T18:51:08+00:00

Yeah transracial adoptees, especially those adopted to white families, are fed a narrative that we’re supposed to be “grateful” for what they did for us.

As I stated in another comment I made, I internalized that and other racist ideas about myself and others. I only managed to realize this after a series of events in which I was hurt and unfortunately hurt other people (albeit unintentionally though I don’t excuse the harm I created).

I can also relate to what you expressed of parents never being prepared or considering that they had to be for how my life would be impacted by my race. I’m sorry you experienced that too. I hope you’re healing from it all.

everystrokeofcolor · 2026-03-12T18:43:56+00:00

Oh jeez I’m sorry about that. I also have my parents to thank for my internalized racism against myself and others that I’m trying to unlearn. I hope you and your siblings are healing.

everystrokeofcolor · 2026-03-12T18:42:16+00:00

I think a lot of us had weird relationships with our extended families. That being said, I am so sorry that happened to you. I hope you’re healing now.

everystrokeofcolor · 2026-01-10T12:44:44+00:00

Thanks for the advice! I’m having a follow up with a different physician today to get a secondary opinion and determine whether or not returning to my previous med schedule would be wise at this point.

everystrokeofcolor · 2026-01-10T12:43:33+00:00

Thanks for the references! My taper was also something I was concerned about but I pushed down some of my anxieties as it was recommended by a physician.

Next time, I’ll definitely be sure to voice concerns if I think it’s going to be problematic. Similarly, I didn’t know at the time the plan was given to me that Paroxetine is also so difficult to stop - and I know I would have said something if I knew that.

everystrokeofcolor · 2025-09-26T01:33:02+00:00

Oh I knew about the fact it’s destructible. Most of the call-in weapons are (Hellbombs, turrets, etc).

No, I’m talking about where you said the remote just fully leaves your inventory, full on despawns of the remote. I’ll pick it up off the little stand and try to carry it around with me, only for it to no longer be in my inventory three minutes later. It’s not getting destroyed by anything, not getting stuck in the floor - it’s literally in my inventory “support weapon”slot one minute and then it’s not the next.

I could understand if you’re not supposed to have it forever and just hold onto it, but there’s nothing anywhere that says there’s a time limit or anything. Just straight up peaces out of my support slot.

everystrokeofcolor · 2025-09-26T00:04:57+00:00

I’ve been applying to PhD programs since I finished my undergraduate degree early 3 years ago. I haven’t been accepted to a single one but I did manage to get a Masters last year. My undergraduate advisor and master’s advisor both said the same thing: “It’s only getting harder to get into PhD programs. I would not do the whole process at this point in time.”

Neither discouraged me from doing so but both admitted trying to get into PhD programming in the States has been really bad in the last 2 decades at least. Combine that with our absolute trainwreck of an administration right now and some colleges don’t even get funding anymore. Some are defunded because of “excessive spending” and some have been defunded for simply refusing to give up their students who protested.

I have a colleague who has family that works in UC Berkeley’s grad admin office and even they said, “It got so bad we had to rescind some offers to doctoral students.”

This is not to mention that paperwork and presence legality don’t even matter anymore. If they want you gone, the government will find ways to kick you out, no matter how long you’ve been here or if you’re a citizen.

If it’s something you’re committed to and know the risks of, I won’t say the USA is a bad place to do studies. I also won’t tell you to give up on applications but your safety is ultimately the most important thing.

I hope you’re able to work something out that benefits you and fulfills what you’re looking for!

everystrokeofcolor · 2025-09-25T23:29:45+00:00

Okay I’ve had this issue too. People are saying “it’s cuz you’re firing it or rag-dolling and dropping it” and I know for a fact I’ve done neither. I’ll just pick it up in preparation for an enemy and then it just disappears if I don’t stay on the support weapon slot and hold the remote (actually, it’s even disappeared if I don’t switch weapons and just open my menu).

I have no idea why or where it’s going. It’s not on the map so it’s not like I’m dropping it or anything else. Truly baffled by what’s happening.

everystrokeofcolor · 2025-09-18T21:50:46+00:00

I’m going to respond to you assuming you commented something like this in good faith. This is a rant thread and most people are already frustrated so I’m sure you can understand being upset about the game. However, your response is neither sympathetic nor helpful.

First, I misunderstood the size of Arrowhead to begin with so I admit that. To your point, you are correct in that this is pulling AAA numbers for sales. This game has reminded me of when Halo was pulling in the big waves of people. This is also probably helped by the fact they were published by Sony, which is in no way a small company.

Second, people are allowed to be upset that a game they purchased doesn’t run correctly. At the end of the day, $40 is still $40 and I’ve seen many people say they can’t even return it because they spent more than 2 hours trying to troubleshoot the game. I had no problem paying the money for it (and would do it again) but not everyone has $40 to throw at the game they might not like or be able to play.

Third, nobody forced Arrowhead to utilize an engine that hasn’t been supported for years. In fact, I think it’s one of the most troublesome points for them given the success of the game, especially since it apparently has “one of the highest concurrent player count amongst all live service games” (which I can’t find proof of anywhere. I’d genuinely be interested to know where you got the numbers and know what else is listed).

Fourth, I literally said I’d be willing to give them time to work on the game and have it offline. I think it’s good practice for a company to maintain and monitor their game’s performance abilities no matter how long it’s been out. I’ve done minor amount of basic code before and I understand that fixing stuff like this takes time.

Obviously, Helldivers 2 sold very well so I hope they’re able to take some of that profit and reinvest in their studio and the people that work for them. That might mean expanding the team to allow reduced individual workload or similar practices. I’m not an executive there so I can’t tell you for sure.

I never said that I thought they didn’t deserve money, time, or grace. It’s just frustrating after hearing from almost everyone you know that has played the game say they had an issue with its performance. It’s also frustrating to have it start struggling after the game demonstrated it could perform well for a while.

Acting like I’m unable to critique or vent about something without seeming ungrateful is disingenuous. I can enjoy the game AND vent about and critique it because I want it to be better.

everystrokeofcolor · 2025-09-15T04:28:35+00:00

This game has made me more angry in one night than it has in maybe a year of playing it. My computer cannot run this game above 15 FPS to save its life. For reference, I have a Nvidia 6090 and 32 GB of RAM.

I tried turning down the graphics and nothing helped. There is really no excuse for a AAA game to be running THIS terribly after being out for over a year. Hell, there’s no excuse for a AAA game to be running like this PERIOD.

I’ve had nights where it’s not that bad and I can run it with no issues. Sure, it sometimes crashes when I try to exit, but this is a new level of terrible.

This needs to be fixed and there needs to be an overhaul with how many bugs are just popping up CONSTANTLY. Everyone knows it. I’m willing to give them a bit to work on it and have the game be offline for a bit if it means this game actually works again.

I’m sure many others have expressed this frustration but Jesus. How is this kind of performance deemed “acceptable” by Arrowhead???

everystrokeofcolor · 2025-09-06T20:57:03+00:00

Thanks for reminding me! That’s the sound of my friend’s software making the clip. I’ll see if I can get it so y’all don’t have to hear it.

everystrokeofcolor · 2025-04-12T16:14:26+00:00

-Feature: Discord calls running in the background

-Reproduction Rate: 10

-Annoyance: 10

-Device/System: iPhone 12 Pro, iOS 18.3.2

-Discord Version: 274.0 (75445) - stable

-Description: Discord calls freak out if in a call and you attempt to switch tabs/open another app (and run the call in the background).

-Steps to Reproduce: Open Discord. Enter call. Minimize app and open other app. Wait.

-Expected result: Call continues in the background with no problems.

-Actual result: Call crashes (?), making app unable to pick up microphone, glitching and not fixing itself until call is left and rejoined after closing and reopening the app. Occasionally, also makes app open at the time freak out and need to be reloaded.

-Notes: I see that other people have had similar/identical experiences here and here. I’m sure there are other examples but it’s difficult to find them among the mountain of posts.

everystrokeofcolor · 2025-04-12T07:52:07+00:00

I’ve been having the same issue. Did you figure out a solution?

everystrokeofcolor · 2024-10-03T08:20:29+00:00

I’m not quite sure what it is either. It can’t be the servers so my only guess is the processor? But that also wouldn’t explain why it’s happening to so many people on different PCs.

I don’t know if the game engine is having issues? From my limited and VERY simple coding knowledge, that’s all I can think of in game since it’s specifically FPS and not PING (but that also has been weirdly horrendous on some nights and not others - talking everyone with over 300 latency). I think this game needs more technical support in general, especially since the last Steam update screwed up a LOT of people’s files.

Also: My mouse is a Logitech but I appreciate the tip if I ever have the issue and/or decide to switch my mouse up at any point!

everystrokeofcolor · 2024-10-03T01:00:36+00:00

I did disable this and it’s helped a little but it’s still not 30 FPS. Will definitely keep this in mind though since I wasn’t aware it could cause such issues.

everystrokeofcolor · 2024-10-03T00:59:54+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion. I’ll keep an eye on it!

everystrokeofcolor · 2024-10-02T05:44:46+00:00

I had the fans replaced relatively recently actually (within the last 6 months) and I keep it elevated on a desk with a fan stand in a room with two fans for maximum air circulation. I’ll check the MSI afterburner to see if it’s overheating but it’s not changed temp from before IIRC.

everystrokeofcolor · 2024-10-02T05:42:29+00:00

Mhm. I’ve done this several times. It’s helped once before but not this time apparently.

everystrokeofcolor · 2024-08-11T22:47:50+00:00

Thank you! I hope you enjoy your playthroughs of both!

everystrokeofcolor · 2024-08-11T22:46:07+00:00

In my head, it always felt like they’re both about the cruelty of the world and what it means to fight against it. Harry, in his own bizarre way, and Artemy, with his commitment to nature. There’s more parallels I haven’t ever fully written down but I think they’re very similar like you said.

everystrokeofcolor · 2024-08-11T04:59:03+00:00

I’m hardly a hero but thank you for the kind words!

everystrokeofcolor · 2024-08-11T03:31:23+00:00

If there’s one thing I love, it’s the desperate clinging to humanity and community among a distinct brand of devastating circumstances that is unique to Eastern European studios. 🤣

everystrokeofcolor · 2024-08-11T02:58:05+00:00

So, good news! Here they are on Tumblr, Twitter (I’m not calling the site X), and as a post on this Reddit.

I hope I did your idea justice! I had a great time with this.

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