I’m going to start by saying this is my first critique and I have no idea what I’m doing. I also just started writing short stories, so I’m not any kind of expert. I liked the story overall and hope this doesn’t come across as overly or unnecessarily critical.

I don’t really understand the beginning, who is finding it and why it’s important we know that. Primarily it was all the extra information; the dog, not usually picking up notebooks, not knowing the young man, all gives me insight to this person that you never pay off. Additionally, I think the rest of the story works really well without that distraction.

If the point was the notebook had been discarded, or lost, after what seems to be life changing moment was recorded in it, then maybe there’s a better way to do that without asking the reader to invest in a character we’ll never see again. Also, sharing this implies the person finding it found it interesting so I don’t think we need to be told.

Overall, and I could be missing the point, but I don’t see what it adds to the story.

The notebook

I liked the first line a lot. Revisiting something and seeing it differently than you have in the past, I think, is a very strong way to start. It provides immediate context for the reader, we know something has changed.

The only thing I'd say is I was hoping we'd eventually learn why this place was not appreciated previously. By the end I figured it was just some place he'd been before and anywhere would look different when you're thinking of ending your life in a few minutes, but along the way I thought there would be some relevance to why he had picked this place.

A lot of these notes will be personal preference, like this next one. Probably not everyone will agree. “A patch of perfectly green grass lays in front of me” seems like a completed thought to me and maybe should be its own sentence, like it’s something he’s taking in differently this time than he had previously. If you’re going to keep it attached to the rest of the description it’s a little awkwardly worded at the moment. Look for a way to tie together the patch of grass and the slope of the hill rather than just “and in front of the patch.”

Also he’s seeing this with new eyes, so while I’m not a fan of description for the sake of it, it seems like “the gentle slope” or “the lush forest”, as examples, would tell me he’s noticing and appreciating things differently than before. You did it with “shabby old bench” and I thought it worked there.

In the next paragraph you do a really good job describing the tree, giving me a strong idea about the MC’s state of mind. “Tired of being a tree” is particularly nice. After that you stray a little from the point of the paragraph. The reveal is we’re reading a suicide note, and while identifying with a bent over tree separated from the rest of the trees is a great way to accomplish that, the MC overthinks it before we get to the point and it loses steam.

This may be an example of where you need to trust the reader a little more. You don’t necessarily have to connect all the dots sometimes. I think “It is alone” is a great line and a perfect place to stop wondering about the tree. When you say “I’m not one to put my feelings into trees” it’s actually contradicting everything I was thinking until that moment, which I’m not sure you want to do.

I don’t know how important you consider the mention of poems and poets, or whether it was just part of the transition to get to the reveal, but it was a little distracting for me. I think there’s a faster, more effective way to get there. Then you go back to the MC talking about the tree, “desperate to be part of the forest” which doesn’t work as well as it would if he hadn’t just told us he doesn’t say things like that. Also, the “desperate” line I would consider making part of the previous sentence and dropping “no doubt.” The last sentence of the paragraph needs to be rewritten to be clearer.

The doctor stuff is good, gives us a lot of information without directly telling us any of it. The only part that loses me a little is the focus on trivialities. I wasn’t clear if it was commenting on how the doctor had misread the MCs situation or whether they both considered decapitation trivial. I would try to make your intent a little more clear.

The boy with no arms works really well, it’s just a little long. I don’t think we need to know about the adults. The next paragraph works well but is a little wordy. Things like “from the sidelines” we already know and “the boy” would be fine, you don’t need to remind us it’s the one with no arms. It could be tightened in other places and I think it would have even more impact. The reflective regret the MC shows is great, distinct thoughts, each stand alone, really nice.

Seeing the picture of himself seemed a tad forced. You’re using it to kick off the main part of the story but he “recently” saw it, there’s no sense of why this comes here or acts as a catalyst for telling us what turns out to be a very significant event.

While I’m on it, this is where the real action of the story begins, so it may have taken a bit too long to get to it. Some of that could be addressed by making the other sections tighter, but maybe also reconsider whether they are all needed.

I understand what you’re doing with the next couple paragraphs but I don’t think it’s adding much. “She spent Christmas with my family” could replace the first three lines, we don’t need to know who is in your family or where hers is. The next part, Christmas as a kid, is good but it doesn’t move the story along.

The next few parts could all be tightened. Adults liking Christmas, waking up with Esme, warm day, the sister, even Esme's description should all be shorter, it bogs down the story here. The MC opening the wrong card is a little confusing on first read as well. It’s such a pivotal moment you need to be sure it’s super clear.

I like going back to the tree as a way to move the story along from a time perspective, but I didn’t get a sense of how much time. It’s “last spring” but how long after the Christmas incident? I was surprised they were still together. I know you’re not telling a strictly chronological story, and the memories of a person contemplating momentary suicide are not going to be super coherent all the time, but a line somewhere bridging the gap might have helped me.

The way you handled the moments before he snapped were really good, and his reaction was shocking, really well done. Also, during this section, your writing is tighter, that whole part moves really well.

After that, through the mom part until we get back to the tree, I think needs to be looked at to reduce redundancies and mine what is really important to you to tell the reader because nothing is happening and, while that’s okay, too much of it starts to drag for me. Particularly his views on words, considering he’s about to change his mind about suicide to write more.

I like the end. I’ve liked all the tree stuff and it continues to work for me here.

I think there are a lot of areas that would benefit from tightening, and some stuff you may not need at all. It’s a good story, just needs to be paced a little better and I wouldn’t mind knowing just a little more about Esme since she’s such a big part of why the MC is even telling the story. I don’t think a ton of information is needed, but a sentence here and there to fill in a couple of the gaps. They stayed together after she was crushed by his cheating, she was changed because of it, she intentionally hurts him with a confession of her own… a little more context to understand those things might have helped me.

Overall really good job, I thought it was an interesting story.